Make It In Amercia
by redvelvetjade
Summary: A/U iCarly Without Carly in her life What happens to Sam? Without Sam what happens to Carly? Ever wonder why Cat is the way she is or why Jade is so mean and bitter? What happens when their lives cross paths? Each kid is struggling with their own demons each just trying to Make it in America. Cade, Tandré, pairings. Language, sex scenes
1. Chapter 1 Changed

**Make it in America**

**Changed Worlds**

**Spencer's p.o.v**

**A/N Thanks to everyone who's reviewed my fics it means so much to get reviews after you work so hard on a story. To everyone requesting I work on A Secret Between Friends and Last Friday. I promise I won't forget them. All glory of ownership of iCarly and Victorious goes to the amazing Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon. I've been inspired by an amazing user ****LizArianaJadeCat**** who has amazing stories check her work out, she has a question and answer bit in her profile which seems neat so anyone who has questions feel free to ask please no rude comments though. Just has the amazing opp to see victoriajustice live in concert on Sunday so amazing anyone else get to see her? This fic was inspired by iChristmas what would of happened to Sam and Carly if they never met? **

_Oh Spencer Don't stop this is amazing _

I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face as Jezebel or Jeiza as I call her for short purred her kisses trailed down my neck as I talked dirty back to her.

_If that's what you want babe I promise I won't stop_

Her kisses now traveled to my shoulders sending a cold shiver running through my naked body.

_I always knew you were a good girl underneath it all_

My voice cracked as her mouth now sucked on my throat causing me to groan.

_Oh no Spencer don't let appearances deceive you I am a bad girl to the core but you like bad girls don't you big boy..?_

She battered her eyelashes at me as she giggled softly my hands wandered freely over her sweet body.

_Well I won't lie Jeiza_

She screamed as I grabbed her tickling her she tried to fight me off but I was too powerful as I hoovered above her she dissolved in laughter.

_You left me no choice Jeiza _

_Oh No Spencer don't_

_N-o..._

Without hesitation I turned her negative into a positive as my tickles turned into kisses from her forehead to her neck shoulders chest stomach.

Her squeals turned into low pleasurable moans as our bodies worked in synchronized motions . My hands ran through her long auburn hair as my hips and pelvis worked her sweet body making her purr my name gripping my shoulders our lips and tongues played a sharp game of control.

Me winning dominance.

_Spencer oh baby_

Her purrs made my heart pump harder as we laid down side by side her eyes shone such a bright green so clear they were breath taking.

I pulled her close kissing her.

Hours later as she stood in the doorway smiling twirling her purse I pulled her close kissing her.

_Thanks for an amazing night Shay _

_Anytime Jeiza anytime you know where I'm at_

Her grin was infectious as she turned to me licking her lips replying.

_Oh I do big boy I do_

She winked at me then she was gone stretching out as I closed the door, I let out a yawn as I strolled over to the stereo flipping it on cracking my neck as I finished my stretch.

I couldn't help but smile I mean I was 29 and I had everything a man could ask for.

Another yawn escaped me so I fixed myself a drink trying to fight it off as I flexed my body which was stiff.

_Yo-ho pick up your phone boy! _[cell ringtone]

Sighing I jogged over to the coffee table where my cell was laying going off like crazy.

_'ello? What's going on?_

_Yo it's Jake you need to come down to TLA now boy_

_Why what's going on Jake?_

_Just come down Spencer hurry boy_

I laughed as my best friend Jacob Stephens who was pretty damn drunk tried to get me out of my apartment.

Grabbing a shirt I gave into his plea's then my keys and my wallet the air was cool but not chilly as I strolled from my apartment complex even at 2am the nightlife was buzzing people were milling around hanging outside cafe's and clubs music was blasting as people danced laughing.

A line outside TLA was wrapped around the building girls dressed in short barely there dresses and skirts halter tops that barely covered their bodies over made faces which all turned to me as I walked

Right up to the door they all wanted in and they all needed me to let them in. My eyes scanned the ground level picking out the two prettiest girls.

Their squeals made my heart dance as I grabbed a busty blond with a British accent who was around her late 30's. Then I wiggled my way into the line as the girls pressed themselves into me. Feeling their breasts pointed against my chest their legs pressing against my balls caused me to grow hard.

I called out asking how they were and they squealed a mixture of oh's and good's. I swear one girl screamed out for me to do her my eyes searched for the girl I was more then willing if she was pretty.

I couldn't figure out which girl it was so I randomly picked two girls a barely legal one who had the

richest choc skin who's hair was in braids a one sided belly bearing shirt with gold letters spelling out " heat this spot" with a arrow pointing down below. Another girl was Latino and looked to be about late 20's. Both danced up against me. Walking up to the door I slapped hands with Rico the head of the security.

_Spencer my man was up?_

Rico greeted me

_Chillin my man was good wit you dawg?_

I answered as he let us slip in the club which was already packed past the max allowed bodies and there was no stopping people getting in.

Quickly scanning the crowd I found my friends Jake, Liz J Sage 29, Malika Odum 28 and Jamel Harrison 33 they were already drinking and having a good time. Liz threw her arms around me as I sent the other girls away within seconds Liz's sexy body was pressed against me as she grinded to the salsa music. Someone handed me a drink as I danced with her.

Jacob wrapped his arms around Liz's waist grinding against her backside. Liz was so drunk she was stumbling it took two of us to hold her up. As she laughed and kept dancing.

The hot sweaty bodies pressed against me the music the alcohol it all came together with the bright flashing lights somehow I ended up in the back with some girl as we removed our clothes grinding against each other. Our bodies connecting as we sweated and panted while I penetrated her amazing tightness her screams increased my rhythms.

_There's our man where were you baby?_

I grinned as Liz pulled down my collar pressing herself against me as I came out of the back. Kissing my lips earned her a grin as I pulled her closer.

_Lets go Spence I'm ready to bust a move_

_Liz I don't think it's wise _

_Oh come on don't tell me your to..ow.._

The only move Liz was too burst was her ankle as she wiped out.

After a quick shower a huge cup of coffee and skimming the paper I headed out to start my morning commute.

The sun was barely out at 6am but downtown La was already bustling. Sometimes you wonder if this city ever sleeps?

It was bumper to bumper horns blaring over powering my music cranking my neck I loosened up as the freeway widened turning into a beach side which people were already taken use of kids running across the sand as parents watched some had dogs with them. Slowly the sun came out warming me up a light wind ripped through the air.

Soon the beach changed into open fields with roaming cows, horses the road became tighter thinner everything became more of a country feel. Gently rolling fields that were so high I swear the peaks touched the clouds blending with them.

Deers ran as my head lights cut through the fog as the mountains became deeper.

An easy peaceful feeling came over me as I settled back into the cushy seat of my Porsche . Sunglasses sat on my head waiting to be used.

Bounty lane became rough unpaved , rocky which my car didn't seem to like at all my car made a low menacing sound.

Even talking to it didn't help much.

_It's okay babe daddy will take care of you his little fire-bird won't have a scratch on it just keep going._

I stroked the dashboard relieved to reach the fence promising to buy a better car for these roads.

Relief vanished along with peaceful feelings quickly when reality hit again.

It's easy to understand why those feelings vanished and turned into tension when you pulled up and see the 15 steel barb wire electric fence armed with metal decorators which surrounded the whole 70 archers set deep in Ventura Country.

Ventura is set in deep Southern California it's land is set in the midst of breath taking beautiful rugged mountains uninhabited scenery anyone could imagine it's population 823,318.

They say it's suppose to be one of the safest area's in southern Cali people are unafraid to leave their doors open they have an almost country feel people trust each other neighbors have bbq's with each other leave their kids in each others cares. Have block parties in summers.

While I won't say it's foolish it's wasn't realistic cause in the middle of it all sits one of the unsafest untrustworthy buildings.

Grindings Ventura Juvenile Academy or as we call it GJA , it houses a average of 180 girls and 350 boys between the ages of 10-18 all serving 5-life , home to the worst of the worst . GJA is relatively new it's been around 10 years but was re-modeled 5 years ago. Already it's packed beyond capacity.

A buzzer signaled me inside it permitted me access as I swiped my ID then went through a metal decorator and a pat down by Dep Pete Howard.

_Another day of insanity to the max_

I chuckled as his partner Dept Marc Williams cracked the joke even though it was more in truth then a joke.

The hot sun was now in full blast and the halls were heating up quick so the cool blast of the air that hit me as I entered my office felt good.

My arms groaned a thank you as I dumped my brief case a load of books and files on my desk before heading to the break room.

I wondered what time Liz, Jake, Lamar and Milika would wonder in and with what excuse?

_Good morning Spencer_

My eyes scanned across the room as I was greeted by greatness Dr. Monet Kathryn Chanel-Harris who's the head of Juvenile Female Psychiatric unit. Monet is tough not only on the girls but on her staff as well. She holds herself to the same high standards Monet knows these girls have been through cause she's gone through them to.

She was born to a broken drug addicted mother who had 5 kids already she could never hold down a job so the family was always broke her door was a open valley for men to come through who sold drugs did drugs and used her mom for sex to get what she wanted. By the time she was 10 she was molested by three different men while her mom watched. Her two older brothers got caught up gang banging and drug dealing both were in and out of Juvie. She was always on the watch for drive by's cause of her brothers.

Her older sister Kassie died from a drug overdoes when Monet was only 13 she idolized her sister she was devastated by her death. She started drinking and using drugs she would've ended up like her sister if it wasn't for a intervention of a teacher.

Her teacher believed in her talents and encouraged her to study hard and work for her dreams she went into rehab and into a hard core training program working out she took college basketball she hit the books and graduated at the top of her class going to UCLA where she majored in Physiology she vowed to change other kids lives so they wouldn't end up like her family.

_What's happening Monet how are you?_

_I'm doin' Spencer ya know how bout you son?_

_Waiting for the weekend girl _

_Big party plans Spencer? _

_Yea heading to the beach with Lamar, Liz, Jake and a bunch of friends._

_Sounds awesome have fun Spencer but remember stay safe son_

_Always Monet always so life's good then?_

_Yea Andre's Birthday is coming up so were taking him to London for the week _

_For a tour of the royal ballet company and to see some shows_

_He's doing well in school?_

_Yes top of his class_

_God hard to believe he's almost 17 Monet_

_I know Spencer I know_

_Don's so excited to get away for awhile the DA's dept is so stressed and short staffed_

Her husband is the District Attorney of LA.

_Have a great weekend tell Andre I'm proud of him he's a god kid_

_Yes he is Spencer and I will thanks I'm lucky with my kids how's Carly?_

_I hear she's doing well haven't seen her in months I should go up and see her_

_Yea you should they grow up fast _

_True Monet maybe I'll head up next weekend_

_Make the effort Spence oh the groups here we better get going_

_I'm Following behind you Monet_

We got to the Intake office just as the officers were arriving with a new croup of fresh off the street endangered teens for our At Risk Program that we started last year. Liz was there nursing a extra large coffee as she stood in front of them addressing them.

She looked so different not dressed in a mini skirt she looked amazing in a Grey designer suit very business like.

Liz is the sharpest Juvenile prosecutor around she's beautiful but she's brutal as hell on kids.

_Listen up now! Your in my hands now_

_I said eyes up here you tryin to get locked up little girl?_

She was screaming at one of the teens who refused to look up she just kept laughing . I shock my head as I entered ..

_Officer Sergei get this little bitch up now she wanna talk trash hit her momma sell dope and act tough well now she can see where tough little girls like her end up .._

Jennifer Sergei and Officer Luna Lawrence jumped at her orders and grabbed the girl .Pulling her up roughly she stumbled with her ankles cuffed she cussed which earned her a sharp glare from Liz as he screamed at her.

_What did you say you ungrateful little punk?_

The girl wouldn't back down as she coked off to Liz.

_I said this shit is whack you can't do nothing to me_

The girl then put her hands on Liz and shoved her hard

Liz loves it when they cock off it fuels her fire especially after a night of drinking she's fully charged and ready to fight as she got in the girls face shoving her as she screamed in her face.

_Oh I can't do nothing little girl what did you say I can't do nothing?_

_Watch me do nothing Officer Sergei lock this bitch up **now**!_

_What's your name little girl?_

The girl remained silent trying not to laugh as Officer Sergei got in her face yelling

_Answer her when she speaks to you!_

Jennifer grabbed her and re cuffed her hands behind her back roughly. I saw the kid gasp and let out a strangled cry as she was shoved to the ground by the two officers.

_Spencer!_

Liz screamed at me causing me to jump a few kids laughed as I cleared my throat calmed myself down and went over glaring at Liz who grinned slightly oh I would make her pay for that.

_Spencer met your newest client he_y _no name shit-face little bitch_ _yea_ _you kid_

They pulled her up as she looked at me fighting back tears.

_Not so tough now huh kid? Well too bad cause now your locked up_

_Tell me your name!_

Liz screamed the girl still wouldn't answer.

_Officer Vega read me her file!_

Officer David Vega of the LAPD who's helping us out on this program grabbed her file and jumped at Liz's bark.

_Missy __Robinson age 16 from Beverly Hills here for assault , robbery, prostitution and domestic violence._

Why did she seem so familiar?

_Well congrats Missy you just copped a charge now your in jail for real this is what happens when you put your hands on a law official. _

Liz grabbed her and shoved her to the chairs she landed sprawled out screaming. Liz just laughed shaking her head in disgust.

_Take her out of my sight oh and by the way Missy say good-bye to your name your now just another number in the system. If your lucky Spencer will make time for you sometime this week. _

_Spencer come over here and met our other little deviants._

_Stand up and state your name and why your momma's brought your little punk asses here.._

The 10 girls and 10 boys went through their names various crimes and so forth then she split them into groups.

_Spencer I want you to take these 6 these are the worst of the worst don't laugh you think this is funny huh? Cause it ain't funny! This is real life this is what happens when you screw up and end up locked up!_

_Spencer I want you to take them to meet # 24601 lets see if their laughing now!_

The group was silently lead down the halls down the stairs into the max secure female psych juvenile unit the buzzer sounded as the metal doors clanged open a few kids flinched. I took the moment to scream at them.

_What's the matter don't like the sound?_

_Well get use to it cause if you _

_Keep going_ _on the path your going this is where you'll end up hearing this sound every day!_

_Sit down!_

_Officer Vega bring her in now!_

Officer Vega listened to me as he brought in our example , #24601 was fighting as she was hauled in cuffed both in her ankles and wrists. She was beat red as she cussed at them.

Officer Vega shoved her down onto her knees so hard you heard them crack she cried out unable to move.

_Feel good huh? Well too bad cause you ain't getting no ice no heating pad suck it up! _

She looked up ready to assault Officer Vega but she was strapped tight he pulled her up as he spat in her face.

_Tell these little bitches why your here_

_Tell them who you use to be and what you are now_

_My name was Samantha Puckett I'm 16 years old and My number is 24601_

_I'm charged with 2 counts of Attempted Murder, Murder in the first degree kidnapping Sexual assault of a minor child, Gang activity Possession of illegal substances being under the influence of illegal substances , Assault with a deadly weapon. I'm currently serving three life sentences._

_What do you have to say to these little punks #24601?_

She glared at them as Officer Vega spat out ..she grinned a very sinister smirk.

_Get your head up and stop trying to play some game fools cause this ain't no game this is hell real pure unending hell and this is where you will end up if you keep playing this so called game._

_I wish I could take back what I did and have another chance cause I ruined my life I've been down in this place for three years three F...ing years and I ain't never getting out I ain't never gonna feel the sun shining on my back, I ain't never gonna get a hug from my twin sister, I ain't never gonna be able to eat what I want when I want or do what I want when I want ever again._

_Worse yet I have to live with these images, images of what I did to my victims what I did to their families cause my actions destroyed young lives and I have to live with that guilt. I was young stupid and foolish and felt I had no other choices. I didn't have parents to guide me, I let the streets guide me. _

_I let gang members wash me over and convince me to be down for them well I'm down alright down for life and where are they? Out there they ain't never visited me! I ain't feeling no love now just a cold hard dirty mattress. This ain't where you wanna be I promise you cause if you end up here Momma that's me! I'm gonna make you my bitch and you gonna do what I say when I say feel me?_

Officer Vega pulled her up and shoved her out of the room straight into a chair strapping her down. I explained to them what kind of chair it was and why she was strapped to it. I watched their reactions. Most shivered scared picturing themselves in it. My mind focused on the one girl who smiled Nessie Robinson sister of Missy. It was kids like her and Sam that made me scared kids like them didn't change until it was too late if they ever changed.

Those were the kids society has to fear but it made me sad and made me wonder what we could do to stop them from ending up here. What made their lives so bad? That they turned to the streets? That they did unspeakable acts of cruelty and violence? How could we stop them before more innocent people paid the price? 

It made me wonder if the victims ever truly healed? Even if the criminals were locked up? How did their lives change as a result of these crimes?


	2. Chapter 2 Through A Cat's Eyes

**Through A Cat's Eyes**

**Cat's p. o. v**

_Yay I love the holidays!_

_Aren't they wonderful?_

I couldn't help but jump up and down clapping I was just so happy that we were back in school.

_I just love the cheer the festivals_

_Pumpkin pie yum!_

_Hey Cat?_

_Was up Andre? _

_Stop bouncing and I'll buy you a whole pumpkin pie_

_What do ya say? _

_Kay Kay _

I stopped bouncing much to Andre Harris's relief and sigh the room spun as I became steady ..then I looked up and smiled as I pointed out crying out.

_Hey stars!_

_Oh their so prutty_

_Andre look aren't they.._

_I'll take your word for it Lil red_

He didn't look up as he grabbed his keyboard and started to play a holiday song which got me dancing.

_So how was your thanksgiving?_

_It was cool mom made way too much _

_Grandma was even somewhat sane_

_What did your dad do drug her?_

I giggled at what Robbie Shaprio's puppet Rex said even though Andre gave him a look Andre manged to laugh a bit.

_Good Morning Everyone!_

_Yay Tori's here_

I jumped up clapping as I ran to her as she came in with her older sister Trina as Rex said to me.

_Why are you so perky?_

_What's that suppose to mean why are you so cruel to me?_

_Tori _I switched back to Tori 

_Yes Cat?_

_Don't you love the holidays? The feelings of peace and joy_

_Dance with me!_

_No Cat it's too early_

_It's never too early to dance Tori never!_

I grabbed Tori's hands forcing her to dance with me she whined but didn't fight me . Andre started playing louder and other kids started to dance with us .

_Feel the spirit are you feeling the spirit?_

_Is it moving tour feet?_

_It's moving Cat it's moving_

_I feel the spirit_

_Yay!_

I cheered as Tori and I danced like crazy rubbing our bodies close and wiggling our hips. Plenty of other kids danced closer to us soon it was one big dance party which made me happy my hair was flying as Robbie grabbed my hand spinning me.

_Nice Lil Red Great way to wake us all up_

_I try my best Robbie_

My chest was hurting from laughing so hard as Tori pushed me down on the steps her smile was intoxicating . I reached up brushing back her messy hair I tried to control my heart beating which was crazy. Finally I settled enough to ask Tori.

_So what did you do over break  
_

_Tori?_

She sighed giving a slight laugh as she sipped her coffee.

_Oh we went to our grandparents house where Trina proceeded to scare the retirement _

_Community but we had fun man my grandparents won't stop even at 70's their still tearing up the roads_

Robbie laughed as he interjected

_Yea but instead of hot rods it's hot wheel chairs_

_Hey don't let them fool ya some of those old people can really move let me tell ya_

I laughed shoving Tori as I sat up higher Tori is always so funny .

_So what did you and Rex do Robbie?_

_Oh you know this and that_

_Tell em Robbie_

_No be quiet _

A loud bang interrupted Robbie's argument with his puppet we all looked up to see Beck Oliver walking fast head hidden down behind his shaggy black hair. Following Beck closely was Jade Elizabeth West who was screaming throwing rocks at him making him cry out.

_Ow _Beck looked at her as he yelped

_Good I hope it hurts _Jade hissed back

_What was that for? We've been broken up for months Jade_ Beck looked up confused rubbing his head

_I know that _Jade replied simply looking at her black fingernails

_So what's up with the rocks? _Beck asked angrily shrugging his shoulders

_Cause your a cheater _She answered not blinking just staring him straight down hissing at him

_You know Jade sometimes you can be a real gank_

Jade's eyes narrowed as she slammed her bag down and attacked her locker Beck walked past us muttering rubbing his head . I jumped up going over to her figuring I could help put a smile on her face. I usually do mange to make her smile even if she won't admit it.

_Jadey_

Robbie, Tori , Andre came behind me . Jade barely paid any attention as Robbie chirped up.

_Don't you just love the holidays?_

_It's so bright and .._

_No Robbie go away NOW_

Jade barked her brilliant green eyes blaring Robbie jumped at the bitterness in her voice. I swallowed I hadn't seen her all week but one look at her and I could just tell her week had been pure hell. I saw right through her dark charcoal coals through her mask deep down Jade was hurting bad. So I decided to try to make her feel better and started blabbering.

_I chased rainbows and butterflies_

_Then my brother tried to eat the butterfly_

_CAT!_

She barked halting me in my attempt to defuse her I swallowed as she gripped the locker for dear life.

_Shut-up your giving me a headache_

_Kay kay_

I sighed feeling sad all I wanted to do was make her feel better and now she was feeling worse. I heard her sigh knowing she felt bad for yelling at me I started to tell her it was okay then Robbie asked her.

_How can you not love the holidays though?_

_Come on even a gank like you can't be a total .._

_I don't like the holidays Robbie in fact I hate them so please shut-up_

_Go away before I hurt you _

Robbie backed up as Rex muttered

_Crazy Gank somebody needs Ah~~~~_

Jade screamed as her hand lunged to Rex she gorged Rex's eyes with the point of her scissors Robbie screamed as Rex fell Jade snickered.

_Your a murder!_

_You killed Rex!_

Jade smiled wider as Robbie held Rex crying slowly she started singing..

_Die Puppet die Bad Puppet die die bad puppet_

_The puppet dies tonight_

Robbie covered his ears as he yelled

_He's not a puppet!_

Andre started playing a song on the piano as he sang to Jade

_The holidays are a time of joy _

_There's cheery songs to sing to take away your blues_

Jade growled sipping her coffee as she sneered at Andre

_I hate cheer_

Andre sighed as he replied to her

_Okay okay so there's shopping I mean come on every girl likes to shop ideally it's not a man's favorite thing but you girls like the razzle dazzle._

Jade snapped her mouth growling like a rapid dog as she wiped her black and red hair around Andre jumped back yelping.

_I hat razzle_

_I hate dazzle_

_I hate males and I hate shopping_

Tori tried to help but jumping in

_There's cookies_

Jade shock her head as she glared hissing back

_Cookies are for over hyped sugar infused rats_

Tori sighed but piped up with another suggestion

_Pumpkin pie_

Jade rolled her eyes as she grunted

_Pie makes me sick kind of like your face_

Rex came stumbling back to life covering his eyes

_You blinded me witch_

Robbie was almost hyperventilating as he tried to calm Rex down.

_Rex you'll be okay meany!_

He yelled at Jade as he ran to the nurse. Jade growled sighing I took Jade's hands massaging them feeling her fingers loosing up just till I could grab her Scissors. Yanking them from her hand she didn't try to stop me as I placed them back in her locker.

Tori pointed to the scissors telling us.

_They still have puppet lashes on them_

Jade smiled as she turned to her and answered.

_Good I'll add them to my collection_

Which prompted Tori to squeak out scared

_You have a collection?_

Oh no why Tori why did you ask that? Jade's smile widened as she lowered her voice looking around before she replied.

_No Tori my collection is of human blood and body parts but anything _

_From my victims will work as a remembrance _

Tori squeaked as she stepped back into Beck who put his arm around her waist Jade glared as I giggled knowing she was kidding but the others didn't as they backed up slowly.

At a safe distance Tori asked her

_Is there anything you don't hate?_

Jade thought for a moment cracking her neck she reminded me of a doll in a horror movie.

_I don't hate hate _

Tori's face remained confused as she said

_Um that's good I guess_

Jade smirked as she said back

_I don't hate seeing you suffer_

Tori squealed as she ran off watching as Jade's hands gripped another pair of Scissors she had stashed in her bag I sighed as she laughed. Slamming her locker door sighing she grabbed her bag. Beck approached her cautiously .

_Jade can we talk?_

Her head wiped around as she barked back

_No we can not talk_

_Jade be nice_

_Shut-up Beck you lost that right to tell me what to do when you slept with that skank_

_She's not a skank jade_

_Oh Sorry Beck skunks always hide behind their stripes _

_And ganks always.._

_Ah!_

Jade slammed her locker over and over Beck covered his ears. Andre tried yet again to get Jade to like the holidays.

_The holidays are a time of wonderful promises _

_Screw promises Harris _Jade spat out

_What good is a promise _

_When the people who make the damn promises break them faster then they are made?_

_Promises are a waste of time my daddy promised that he would change _

_He promised he wouldn't drink anymore_

_He lied he drank more and more with each lie_

_So take your promises and holiday cheer your razzle dazzle_

_To their stinking grave._

Jade slammed her locker one final time storming off. Andre and Beck stood frozen as I took off after

her following her to the courtyard.

I called after her but before she could answer the clock struck 7:20 am and a trumpet blared out everyone fell quiet as we looked up to the balcony where the senior class council stood with their instruments. Playing the morning benediction, Trina was up there dancing with the sax player while Mr. Anthony one of our music teachers tried to stop her. The music started and soothed everyone no one talked. It was soft and left you feeling hopeful and peaceful. They got louder making me imagine I was reaching for rainbows. I could see my unicorn I was riding spreading it's wings as we climbed higher and higher. My eyes burned from the bright sun as I blinked hearing the singers come in . I smiled they were singing a song from the musical 13 I knew it well. Putting my cup down I started dancing soon everyone was dancing on the tables chairs parking lot . I smiled as I started to sing happy trying to get Jade to dance or sing but she remained still.

_Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today  
You get a little bit older  
A little bit taller  
A little bit better  
A little bit  
Day turns, today turns, today turns, today turns, today  
And the days before all go too fast  
You can't hold on  
So, you go  
_


	3. Chapter 3 Bad Kitties

**Cat's p.o.v**

**Bad Kittens**

Bumping my hip with Jade a little too hard cause she lost her balance squealing but I grabbed her my arms wrapped around her mid section of her back I grinned.

_You know what happens to bad kitties Cat?_

_Right?_

_N-o.._

I squeaked trying not to stare at her amazing body which was still stretched out in front of me.

Jade was gorgeous in her short ruffled black skirt with dead skulls all over it. It came just below her butt she had black and red stockings which clung to her amazing toned legs , she had a bodice which was a red corset revealing her bust size 36d , her hands gripped my arms the nails digging into my flesh I yelped out earning a grin from her.

_Bad kitties have bad accidents happen to them_

_Jade!_

Tori hissed throwing her arm over my shoulders, I buried myself into them as Jade sharpened her nails saying nothing just grinning.

_You have a problem Vega?_

_Yea you _

_So what will you do ?_

Tori braced herself as kids bumped into us my feet still wanted to move but Jade's eyes kept them still she had a sarcastic evil look in them.

_Tori leave her alone_

_Cat she's not looking well_

_She's not well Cat she's deeply troubled with deep Physiological issues_

_And she's a mean gank!_

Jade glared steady at her as she asked her in a southern accent.

_So tell me Vega if I'm such a gank is it a good idea to insult me if I'm that deeply troubled?_

_And what do you know I just happen to have a pair of nicely sharpened scissors with me_

_And you look like you could use a hair... _

_NO! get away!_

Tori jumped up on the table as I lost my balance yelping grabbing Jade who shock me off I fell flat on my butt as Tori shoved her book bag in front of her face Jade laughed as Tori yelled at her.

_I don't talk like that!_

_I'm trying to follow  
I'm trying to lead  
I'm trying to learn what is true  
I'm trying to be what you want and I need _

_Give me that mic!_

We looked up as Trina fighting with Senior Alyssa Justice Trina kicked her with her 10 inch heals as she belted out.

_I'm gonna live forever_

_I'm gonna learn how to fly_

Trina was carried off held high above the body guards shoulders yet she kept singing

_Remember my name!_

Alyssa looked horrified but she retook the lead. I shock my head.

_Aw she hurt my ears _

_She hurt all of our ears Cat_

_She's untalented unpretty much like her younger sister_

_Hey Jade I have oodles of talent and I'm much prettier_

_Oh who told you that your daddy?_

_Well news flash Vega Cops lie _

_Bitter much?_

_Ugly much?_

_Guys stop! Please it's not nice to fight and it's not even first period _

_I already have a headache_

The bell sounded out earning a thank god from Andre as we grabbed our bags. Jade grumbled the whole way.

_Their both untalented Alyssa and Trina_

_Jadey stop Alyssa is one of the top R/B vocalist here at Hollywood Arts_

_She's already received numerous awards within the industry_

_Of Course Cat her dad owns a music magazine he prob paid them off_

_Jade let it go and get moving_

I grabbed her arm pulling her so we wouldn't be late to 1st pr she sighed but let me lead her. Jade always did this mumbled and cursed about senior kickoff but I knew deep inside she wanted to be the lead when we were seniors.

Jade walked ahead still pissed off this was going to be a long day. Finally I grabbed her hand which startled her but she didn't pull away. Her skin felt soft and smooth our hands fit perfectly in each others.

_Jade _

Lane's voice called out she grunted turning around and stopping in her tracks which caused me to crash into her she grunted as everyone shoved past us trying to get to class before the bell rung.

_What Lang!_

She barked out Lane Alexander our school guidance counselor sighed as he came up to us speaking.

_Jade you missed your last session before school let out for the holidays_

_Why is everyone so obsessed with the flipping holidays!_

_God why can't everyone just shut-up about these damn holidays _

_Who cares what makes them so special it's just another miserable day_

_Jade I sense some bitterness about the holidays_

_I sense your butt needs to get some exercise _

_Jade! _I called out as she spat at Lane

I squealed out she glared.

Lane shock his head as he grabbed Jade's arm she spun eyes glaring as he spoke to her like a child.

_Jade you can't miss these appointments _

_Who cares Lane? _

_The police department your P.O who expects a report weekly I do.._

_Well stop cause I don't care_

_Cat let's go were already late thanks Lane thanks a lot _

_Jadey your hurting me_

I cried out as she grabbed my arm pulling me roughly. Shoving me in the classroom which was already in progress , Andre Tori were doing a improv scene everyone looked up.

_Oh nice of you to join us girls_

_Did you get kidnapped by a flying cow and taken to the planet_

_Moo-Topical _

_Yes yes Sikowitz we did and we met your mother and father there _

_You never told us you came from a village of..._

_Jade!_

_What Cat I was just going to tell him the village called and their missing the idiot_

_So please phone home E.T_

_Oh Jadelyn such a delight_

_Please take your seats girls I'm sorry you were kidnapped but I see _

_Jade's sweet charming personality convinced them to let you go_

_Yea like a cobra _Rex laughed at his own joke as Jade spun to them hissing.

_Hey Robbie wanna see what this snake bite will feel like? _

Mr. Sikowitz sighed and shock his head.

_Jade you already missed a good portion of this class so why don't you sit down_

_Worry about releasing your poison venom on Robbie and his puppet later _

_He's not a puppet! _Robbie yelled.

Jade glared kicking his chair as she took her's plopping down hard Robbie swallowed turning around.

Tori took her seat inching further away from Jade who glared crossing her arms.

_You missed these weeks assignments _Mr. Sikowitz rung his hands as he sighed talking to her as she mumbled.

_Great what loser did I get assigned with Sikowitz? _

_I swear if you say Vega I will_

He started pacing back and forth as he rambled off the names fast.

_Robbie Cat , Cat Robbie, Andre , Beck ,Beck, Andre,Tori, Jade, Jade ,Tori_

_Moving on..._

_Wh-at!_

Jade's scream split the room we all ducked our heads Tori yelped throwing herself under the chair.

_Why Sikowitz why! _

_My day wasn't hellish enough now this why!_

The sound of the bell cut Jade's screams off I saw a flash of Tori as she grabbed her bag and ran out of the room. I sighed this was off to a great start poor Tori she was really a sweet girl very hard working and talented. Beck looked at me I saw concern in his eyes even though they broke up months ago he still cared for her. I shrugged I knew she'd see it as a betrayal if I told him so I played dumb.

_Pretty colored lights so pretty wee!_

I ran out leaving him confused.

The rest of the day went by uneventful Tori spent most of it avoiding Jade. By lunch time everyone seemed normal we all gathered at our normal table to eat I was ready to crawl into a hole and hide.

_Oh I'm so anxious for the weekend I need a break so bad!_

_I'll break whatever you want Vega_

_Uh no I'm good thanks so much for the offer Jade_

_Yea Vega anytime anyplace_

_Did I mention I'm very skilled with a hammer and it's free of charge_

_Free?_

_Well unless you want to pay me Vega I mean _

_Pay you Jade pay you to break my body parts are you insane?_

_My lawyer and physiologist said I was certifiable_

Jade popped a grape inside her mouth licking the sweet juice off her lips Tori looked scared and moved closer to Beck who put his arm around her shoulders eying Jade.

_Be nice Jade_

_Why Beck?_

_Cause_

_What did Vega ever do that was so nice to me?_

_What did she do that wasn't so nice ?_

_Everything!_

The rest of the day went by so fast I barely had time to breathe. I never got see Jade she took off as soon as the last bell rang. Then I had to race to pick up my brother who was all to eager to see me.

By the time I got home feed him bathed him cleaned everything up ,d id my homework it was after 11 pm. Sleep came easy...


	4. Chapter 4 Stay together For The Kids

**Stay Together For The Kids**

**Cat's p.o.v**

_Unicorns are free _

_Unicorns are free_

_Free to be.._

The childhood nursery song spunin my head as I tossed and turned for the hundredth time. I was in the middle of a lake surrounded by puffy white clouds music was playing softly as I danced my hair flying suddenly blackness took over the sounds of screaming filled my surroundings the cool wind became hot and stuffy a hand reached up calling to me .. I tried to run but my legs were stuck now. I felt real fear the tears fell. I screamed out.._ let me go!_ _Please god._

I prayed out loud help me the hand gripped tighter as a deep voice spoke.

_God is not here God is banned in my house_

Long loud laughter I screamed I was falling his hands enclosed on me my eyes closed as my chest exploded another hand grabbed me tears blinded me as I looked up to blurry see Jade on a black stallion with it's mane blowing .

_I got you kitty I won't ever let you fall_

I sat up straighter breathing hard sweating which had soaked through everything. Looking around it took me a moment to figure out where I was.

_Damn you Cathleen where have you been!_

The sound of the front door slamming woke me up swallowing. I tried to relax I was home safe in my bed. Why was I sweating so bad? It wasn't hot in here the A/C was on full blast my ceiling fan was blowing steady , my cat Ariana snored by my feet curled up in a safe tight little fur ball. Reaching over I gently petted her sitting fully up trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes.

_Where were you Cathleen? _

_Answer me!_

_Why weren't you home?_

My dad's voice was deep powerful but I could hear the desperation sadness laced beyond the frustration and anger it broke my heart. Slowly I crept out of bed without turning on the lights sneaking out my door thankful the hard wood didn't make any noise. I could hear their voices as I got to the steps slowly I slide down as I listened.

_Why are you always on my case Randall?_

_Your not my father!_

_No I'm your husband damn it and I demand to know where the hell you've been!_

_It's three am Cathleen the kids have been asking for you their worried sick_

Yea right dad the last person I was worried about was mom. I stopped caring years ago.

_Randy's been up six times asking he barely sleeps when your not home_

_Cat had to pick him up care for him_

_Aw poor baby_

Her sarcastic tone made me mad as I listened to their argument. I fought off the tears threatening to overpower me I told myself over and over again to control myself.

_Yea it is Cathleen she's a child she's six-teen she's still a baby herself_

_Her only job is to go to school earn top grades clean her room _

_We have a housekeeper Randall she doesn't need_

_That's not Charlotte's job Cat is responsible for her room_

_Cat's suppose to worry about her own homework not have to take care of Randy our son_

_So why aren't you home with our son? _

_When did he become Cat's responsibility?_

_I am here everyday Randall!_

_No your not stop lying!_

_Your out spending my money sleeping with god knows what or who_

_Neglecting our kids _

_Shut-up Randall_

_Grow up Cathleen your not a 16 y.o child anymore your 31 act like it!_

Mom's screams echoed through the walls slapping dad I watched while tears fell from my eyes while her hands flew across his face he tried to push her back without hurting her.

_Stop telling me what to do it's my life_

_Your not my father or my dictator_

_I have a right to be happy to see who I want when I want to see them_

_You can't tell me what to do or when to be home you don't own me!_

She backhanded him so hard his lips bleed tears poured down my face onto my arms . I felt my whole body shaking I felt sick to my stomach the blood rushed to my head. I couldn't take it anymore.

_Momma stop please don't hurt daddy!_

I ran into the kitchen pulling her off she turned on me slapping me hard.

_It's all your fault_

_I was happy I was beautiful sexy I had dreams and the talent to go after them_

_I had everything I could ask for and you ruined it!_

_Damn you Catrina!_

I was shaking pinned against the wall where she had grabbed me throwing me on the table trapping me while she hit me over and over. I tried to cover my face and head but she grabbed my hands pulling them apart I felt a sharp pain pierce my side as a vase fell off the table I heard my dad yelling.

_Stop it Cathleen stop it!_

_Get off her!_

I felt her weight lifted off of me my vision was blurry but I saw him lift her off. It was the first time I saw him lose patience with her ever.

_Get help Cathleen you need it _

_None of this is Cat's fault _

_Go to hell Randall all of you go to hell_

_Leave me alone_

She stormed off leaving me confused shaken and dizzy hurting in more ways then one. Behind her lingered a faint smell of weed and Alcohol which made me nauseated my dad's shoulders slumped seeing him so sad and helpless and defeated well it hurt worse then my physical pain mom could inflict.

Slowly I got up my legs hurting from being slammed into the table. He stood in the middle of the kitchen looking at her as she tore out of the house across the patio to the guest house.

_Daddy_

I went over putting my hands on his shoulders he stood frozen looking so sad helpless confused.

It wasn't fair my dad did everything to support me to support us.

_Cat baby go to bed I'm fine just tired you need to sleep hun_

_You have a big day ahead of you alright Kitty Cat?_

_Yea daddy_

_You have a big test you studied right?_

_Yea daddy I'm ready but I'm worried _

_No need pumpkin _

Why do parents feel the need to tell us not to worry there's no way around it they can't lie to us like when we were kids were too old to believe in happily ever after we know when their hurting, worried we know when something's not right of course will worry their our parents we want them to be happy we hurt when they hurt we feel anger when someone treats them wrong.

_Your mom just needs time she has to find herself_

_She'll be fine_

Maybe she should just go find herself then some place far away. I thought to myself bitterly but outside I smiled reaching up to hug him if he wanted to pretend then fine Cat Valentine could put on the best damn show of her young life, he held me strong he smelled like old spice.

_Alright daddy I love you_

_Love you to princess_

Upstairs I checked on Randy who was asleep in his special bed clutching his teddy bear boo-boo and his blanket blue-berry so sweet so good nature when he was sleeping. His helmet clung to him secure his superman p.j's were bunched up he was curled up in a fetus potion sucking his thumb. I ruffled his little fuzzy brown hair which peaked out then I rubbed his back he was making motor sounds as he clutched his pillows. Sighing sometimes I wished I saw life through his eyes.

Once I knew he was safe I went to relieve myself the pressure was overwhelming . As I emptied my bladder and texted Jade lighting up a joint she would smack me for it if she saw it.

**Cat 4:10 am**

_R-U-up?_

**Jade 4:10**

_Y_**?**

**Cat 4:11**

_Pissed off exhausted _

**Jade 4:12**

_Y wassup babe?_

**Cat 4:13**

_Bitch came home wasted all they did was fight why stay together if all they do is fight?_

_I can't stand it anymore! I can't take it!_

_I wanna cry_

**Jade 4:14**

_Don't it's not worth it she doesn't deserve your tears kitty _

_Your tears are too precious to waste on her_

_I'll be right over_

Jade's concern made me tear up more. I couldn't stop the tears as I tried to finish going they just poured out on my face, arms, bare legs . Why didn't mom love us enough? Didn't she see how hard dad worked to give us everything he was one of the sweetest most self-less man out there he respected ladies treated them right never lied stole or lost his temper never cheated. Any woman would be lucky to have him and she did all she did while she had him is hurt him. He didn't need it at all my hands shock as I washed them flushing when would she grow up? Didn't she understand I was a kid it wasn't my job to take care of my brother clean the house make dinner.

_Cat_

Jade's voice broke through my thoughts she whispered so she wouldn't wake Randy . How did she get here so fast? I turned on a light as I saw her slip over the top of my french windows her bare legs dangled. I hurried over to help her down so she wouldn't fall. My hands slide over her delicate waist she smiled sweetly as she dropped into my open arms. I could smell her pecan body spray along with a faint aroma of weed and booze. 


	5. Chapter 5 Please Don't Leave Me

**Please Don't leave Me**

**Cat's p.o.v**

I decided against saying anything about the smells since she had come all the way over here in the middle of the morning.

_Thanks Kitty I always hate that drop_

_No prob Jadey thanks for coming how did you get here so fast? I_

_Know you weren't home at 10 when I ran to the store_

_No_

She laughed bitterly cracking her neck as she slipped out of her black boots and her tight black skinny jeans . She was just in her black boy shorts and tank top which was black with red lettering saying " bite first ask questions later"

_Your right I left when monster came home _

_Where did you go Jadey?_

I sat next to her tracing her arms making her shiver she smiled to me.

_Sunset blvd heard there was a awesome band playing tonight at the gorilla club_

_Did they live up to your expectations? _

I ran a brush through her long mane which calmed us both her hair which is normally so soft and smooth was now soaked with sweat and spilled booze making it sticky and hard. I apologized as I pulled my brush through it she grunted but didn't tell me to stop.

_Yea Cat bloody DJ was pretty friggin awesome _

_Uh sounds great what's JD stand for?_

_Judgment day pretty clever huh?_

_Yea clever ha_

My voice broke as I got to the knots kneeling behind her on my bed she turned around as I tried to control my shaking.

_Aw Cat stop_

_Sorry Jadey I didn't mean to hurt you_

_I wasn't talking about that Cat_

_And you didn't come here_

She wrapped her arms around me pulling me close rubbing my back tears fell in cascades we didn't need words we just held each other.

_I just wish I knew what I did to deserve this _

_Nothing Kitty Cat nothing your just a innocent kid_

_You didn't do anything truth is Cat sometimes life is just sucky_

_It's cruel hon and gives us no reason why we can't just let it beat us down though_

_Just hold on to what is good what is right and will get through it together_

I settled into her arms, her warm embrace as we laid down softly. I crawled closer pulling myself slightly above her lowering my lips to her awaiting mouth. Her lips were rougher but still so sweet they tasted like coconuts and pecans . She was radiating heat through her whole body I felt her arms embrace me, I crawled further on top of her giggling as her hands traveled the length of my body she felt cool against my bare skin.

Slowly we gave into our passion our kisses traveling each other bodies out laughter filling the air as our clothes came off our bodies connecting, I felt the coolness of of our lips the warmth of her mouth over my womanly parts. It felt amazing it was exactly what I needed to hear her softly giggling moaning my name feeling her relax and trust me to take care of her to feel myself relax as she gently touched me all over.

Resting my head on her breasts I closed my eyes her arms were wrapped around me tightly I returned the jester feeling her relax completely her head falling on my pillow touching the top of mine ever so gently her breathing slowed down,

_Your beautiful Jade thank you for sharing it with me_

_I'm not beautiful Cat _

_Yes , Yes you are Jade don't doubt yourself_

_If I am Cat it's cuz you made me beautiful _

She curled closer closing her eyes as I kissed her head hating hearing the sadness in her voice the self inflicted hate I just wished I could take away her pain like she did to me. Exhausted I looked up to her she smiled cracking a eyelid open.

_Sing to me Jadey_

I heard her sigh I could hear the sleep leaping through every struggle of breath but she licked her lips and sighed alright.

_I don't know if I can yell any louder,  
How many times have I kicked you out of here?  
Or said something insulting?_

Da da da da da

I can be so mean when I wanna be,  
I am capable of really anything,  
I can cut you into pieces,  
When my heart is, broken.

Da da da da da

Please don't leave me [x2]  
I always say how I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back to this  
Please don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious,  
What is it with you that makes me act like this,  
I've never been this nasty,  
Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?  
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest,  
But baby I don't mean it,  
I mean it, I promise

Da da da da da

Please don't leave me [x2]  
(Don't leave me)  
I always say how I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back to this  
Please don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud,  
How beautiful you really are to me,  
I can't be without,  
You're my perfect little punching bag,  
And I need you,  
I'm sorry.

Da da da da  
da da da da

Da da da da da

Please, please don't leave me  
Baby, please don't leave me (no, don't leave me)  


_Please don't leave me  
(I always say) I always say how I don't need you  
But it's always gonna come right back to this_

Please don't leave me, (Yeah)  
Please don't leave me  
(I) I always say how I don't need you,  
But it's always gonna come right back to this,  
(Please, Please) Please don't leave me,  
Baby, please, please don't leave me. 

__Her beautiful rich voice was perfect for luring me to sleep I felt my eyes droop as sleep overcame me fleeing away all thoughts just sweet melodic dreams.

_I slept in castles and fell in love  
Because i was taught to dream  
I found mayonnaise bottles and poked holes on top  
To capture tinkerbell  
They were just fireflies to the untrained eye  
But i could always tell_

[chorus]  
I believe in fairy-tales and dreamers dreams like bed sheet sails 


	6. Chapter 6 Who I am

**Who I am**

**Cat's p.o.v**

_I believe in fairy-tales and dreamers dreams like bed sheet sails  
And I believe in peter pan and miracles  
And anything I can to get by  
And fireflies_

Before I grew up I saw you on a cloud  
I could bless myself in your name and pat you on your wings  
Before I grew up I heard you whisper so loud  
"life is hard, and so is love, child, believe in all these things" 

Breathing easier now I sat up feeling rested I looked around sunlight streamed in my windows.

_Jade_

I looked around to my left where Jade usually was but all I saw was empty space. I closed my eyes trying to calm my racing heart was last night just a dream? Everything was spinning so fast. My nostrils filled with her sweet aroma of Escusson by jean d' albert which is her favorite perfume currently. She was here a smile escaped my lips as I settled down embracing her pillow which still smelled like her.

My alarm blared for the third time rolling over I sighed my sheets felt cold against my nakedness ..haha nakedness what a silly word, my sheets felt cold without her here. My giggles turned into a full blown laughing spell as I rolled over feeling myself blush. I could still feel her kissing my body warming me up. My eyes fell on my clock as I settled feeling her lips on my breasts the bright red lettering reading 6:15 shooting up I cursed damn there was no way I would make it now.

Hurrying out of bed I felt myself falling forward landing flat on my face knocking over a Mt. Dew can my dresser splattering it all over the floor and walls. Rubbing my now bright red toe I shock my head this was not a good sign. Moaning I stumbled to the bathroom somehow I manged to shower and dress do my makeup in twenty minutes.

I felt better quickly I grabbed my books my makeup bag my eyes fallen on the object that caused what I now believe to be broken toe. The gold gleaming eyes of bloody broken skull glared at me. Jade's book bag scooping it up. I knew she must of left in a hurry. I shot her a text to let her know I had it hurrying downstairs the winding marble case felt extra long but the sunlight made it sparkle the marble gleamed blinding me.

_Looks like Charlotte did an amazing job cleaning_

I muttered dropping my 10 lbs of books on the kitchen table.

_Yes she did pumpkin_

_Ah..._

I jumped as my dad's voice startled me. My heart was pounding

_Sorry Pumpkin_

_It's okay daddy_

I straightened my books up.

_I didn't know you would still be here_

_Yea I'm running late this morning kitten _

_Listen I might be late tonight I have a ton of work to do_

_Would you mind watching Randy? _

_Uh sure Daddy no prob what time do you think you'll be home?_

_I don't know kitten why don't you invite Jade over tonight_

_Sure sounds great _

_I'll go wake Randy daddy have a great day don't worry will be fine_

_Thanks kitten love you_

He kissed my head as I closed my eyes breathing him in.

_I love you to daddy_

I whispered as he left.

Sighing I grabbed a pot dumping oatmeal and water in it running upstairs as it cooked on the stove .I scurried into Randy's room he sat up wide awake his gorgeous brown eyes were wide open his curly light brown hair was sprawled out like a Afro.

He sat Indian style sucking his thumb as soon as he saw me he reached his arms up and called out to me.

_Sissy uppie sissy uppie _

I smiled at his innocence as I went over tickling his stomach.

_Buddy boy wow your a hot mess_

I ruffled his hair tickling him he laughed giggling as I tackled him.

_Meow.._

He started making Cat like noises as he stroked my face.

_Kitty Cat.._

His voice was so pure and so child like.

_No baby I'm not a kitty cat my name is Cat but I'm human_

_Your name is Cat Meow.._

I sighed I wasn't going to argue not now if it made him happy I would just let it roll.

_Kay kay buddy you need to go get a bath so we can get to school _

_No No not school! _

_We have to bud we can't skip it_

His eyes filled with tears as he shock his head then he started with a full blown temper tantrum screaming and crying . Sighing I rubbed his back his hair I sang to him softly . My voice soothed him even though it took minutes his tears became less harsh and gradually changed to whimpers till they were dry. Talking to him softly he sat up watching me.

_Where's daddy?_

_He had to go to work buddy we need to hurry today_

_Okay mommy_

My heart broke hearing him confused as he called me mommy. He was so sweet so innocent.

_Baby boy I'm not mommy _

His eyes went wide as he shrunk back

_No talk to strangers _

_I'm not a stranger hon_

_I'm your sister_

_No!_

He screamed throwing a bear at me I ducked sighing he tried to squirm away as I reached over and picked him up he was light as a feather.

He screamed kicking at me I gritted my teeth as a few landed in my stomach.

As I helped him undress he tried hitting me biting me screaming and crying .I was already getting tired but I tried to remain happy as I sung.

_Rainbows and butterflies _

_Clouds in the sky _

_Don't run please don't hide_

_Take my hand I'll lead you to a promise land_

Randy slowly calmed down as I bathed him his child like voice blended with mine as he joined me in singing.

Most people don't understand Randy to them he sounded like a baby babbling but to me it was sweet like a puppy so cute and adorable . Now he was happy to play in the water with his ducky.

By the time I got him dressed feed and cleaned up I was exhausted while he finished his milk I texted Jade.

**Cat**

_Where r u?_

He was playing with his milk making motor sounds.

_Eat up baby_

_I no want no more moat-meal no moat-meal_

Moat-meal was his cute little way to say oatmeal

_I want An-cakes _

Pancakes No Randy I groaned inside I did not want to make those they took way too long.

_No moat-meal_

He banged his spoon against the table spraying oatmeal everywhere.

_Randy stop it right now_

_An cakes I want An cakes!_

He started to cry as my cell blared f..ing perfect Jade's ring tone.

**Jade**

_Hey kitty cat srry I left early had 2 get home 4 George got up late sum1 worked me 2 hard last nite_

" _Wink 'wink' _

I smiled despite my forming headache which was getting worse with Randy's ear piercing screams and wails.

**Cat 7:05am**

_Jade Hope I didn't ware you out srry _

_I can't seem to control myself _

_When u bring dat sexy body of yours 'round _

_Need a ride 2day? _

_Randy stop I will make you pancakes _

_Yay An-cakes!_

His sniffles eased as he wiped away his tears going back to coloring . Rushing around I grabbed everything I would need to make the pancakes.

Jade's ring tone blared out again

**Jade 7:10**

" _No I'm good thx babe gotta get George to his school first I'll meet you our lockers kay?_

_And I think u rode me hard nough last night not that I minded :}_

I smiled sweat was pouring down my whole body by the time I was done making his mealmy stomach was starting to feel sick. Randy was happily digging into his food. A small sigh escaped as I saw oatmeal was everywhere.

_This is going to take forever to clean up_

_uh.._

I muttered just as I heard my mother yell

_What the hell happened here!_

I shot up up breathing hard as I saw her standing there pissed.

_Cat clean this up right now!_

_I can't believe how much of a pig you are you have no morals no respect_

_No manners What planet did you came from_

_I swear your a worthless stupid little airhead I want this place cleaned up NOW!_

_Randy don't chew with your mouth open!_

She threw a pot at my head which I narrowly missed colliding with my head as I screamed ducking . Randy stopped eating looking horrified as he started rocking back and forth puling his knees up to his chest. My eyes followed his face which was confused and scared.

A sharp wind connected to my face as as the palm of her hand swept across my face before I could recover she shoved me down.

_Get on your hands and knee's_

_Clean this mess up now you brat_

She stood over me hitting me as I scrubbed everything while she screamed at me throwing things. Randy was now whimpering hands over his ears while he buried his face in his knee's.

_You missed a spot you stupid feline_

_This is why I told your worthless father_

_Not to take in strays_

_I swear if you don't start cleaning yourself up I will have you shot_

Tears welled up as she slapped me hard what did I do to earn this life? My throat burned as I tried to get up she grabbed my hair as hard as I tried I couldn't hold back my screams. My eyes widened as she dragged me to the garbage can.

_Mom please no!_

She slammed my face into the garbage which smelled like a thousand dead skunks nausea rose up as I tried to fight her off but she body slammed me into the wall a picture fell glass shattered shards flew off cutting my arm , neck,checks, my head felt ready to explode.

_See what you made me do_

_You stupid _

Randy started to cry and scream as he grabbed a plate throwing it at Mom as I tried to stand but everything spun my stomach rose with such force. I couldn't stop myself it all came up all over the floor and her.

_Damn you!_

She beat on my back screaming I pushed her away with what little strength I had left running to the bathroom trying to cover my mouth.

Laying down on the cold tiles after I emptied my stomach for the 7th time I tried to control my body but my breathing was erratic my body felt weak my head was spinning . Closing my eyes I just laid there I had no idea how long it was but I had no energy to move.

At some point I managed to get up everything hurt I grabbed another shower everything still felt nauseated dizzy and weak but I had to get up.

_Randy_

I called for him no answer slowly I started searching my watch beeped pacing I saw it was well after 7:40 we had already missed 1st pr for my school.

_Damn it damn it_

Sikowitz class was my favorite to I looked in every room under every bed closet every possible crawl space. . Panic began to seize me where was he? Did she do something to him? Why did I leave him alone? God I was stupid he was too young too innocent too damaged to defend himself to trusting. I was his protector and I failed god I would never forgive myself if anything else happened to him. Tears welled up clogging me my eyes landed on his helmet laying on the floor in the hall. He knows he suppose to wear that at all times. My legs burned as I went to every floor every room calling. My heart raced when I thought occurred to me.

The pool

Oh god dear god no way my sweet Randy I started screaming as I took off a million thoughts ran through my mind.

Fire raged through my body as I ran from the front entrance to the 4,400 sq feet property to the back shoving through the gate. Letting out a breath of air which I hadn't known I was holding in till I felt my legs give out I grabbed the cottage door. My stomach was ready to launch another assault.

_Remember Remember the 5__th__ of November_

My heart leaped hearing his sweet voice reciting a nursery rhyme.

_Randy_

I ran in he was curled up in a ball in a corner rocking back and forth clutching blue-berry slowly I approached him his eyes never looked up as I slide next to him gently taking his hands into mine.

_Randy_

I called out in a high pitched voice he looked up giggling as I started to sing.

_Red Sky at night sailors delight_

_Red Sky out morning _

_Sailors warning_

Randy's giggled delighted me as I slipped on his helmet talking in silly high pitched voice. Slowly he got up taking my hands.

Once I finally got him to use the bathroom wash up brush his teeth and fix myself up applying lots of cover up it was near 8:20 downtown La traffic was going to be a nightmare. I rushed him to the car not letting him stop for anything.

I threw my stuff on the passengers side just as Jade's tone blared out again she was prob worried sick. I saw I had like 10 messages from Tori Andre, Beck , Robbie, Rex, Jade. I grabbed the call just as she was about to hang up.

_'ello Jade?_

_Cat?_

Her voice sounded weak so unlike Jade shaky like she was trying not to cry. My heart was racing at top speed worried sick my stomach did a few flips Jade never cried I've seen her cry a few times so little I could count on my one hand. It was always in private just the two of us.

_Jade what's wrong?_

_Cat where are you?_

_I'm running late really late I'll be at school in like 30 minutes _

_Go on go to class_

_Cat I'm not at school_

_Wait where are you jade?_

_Still at home Cat ...ca...n can you pick me up ? I can't drive right now..._

_Jade.._

My voice rose as I started to freak out when her's cracked the tears fell from my eyes she let out a small sob. My heart pumped harder.

_I'm on my jadey hang on.._

_h-u-r-r-y..Cat_

Quickly I jumped in my bright rainbow puris hauling lead to Jade's mansion. It's only a few mansions down from mine thank god.

Grinding dirt all over her circular driveway I made it in record time. My eyes watered when I saw her coming out head bent down low carrying her book bag on her right arm while balancing 4 y.o George Gabriel West or baby gg as she calls him in her left arm. Her long hair flowed down her back still damp from her shower the sun caught her colored streaks making them shine.

My eyes kept watering as I saw what she was wearing even in the 105 degree weather she was in knee

high boots tight black skinny jeans my fav pair on her butt checks were two golden crosses dripping in blood. Her shirt was crushed purple velvet long sleeves her makeup was done perfectly but I could see it was laced on thick. I feared her eyes would be bloodshot from crying or worse. Jumping up I felt the blood rush to my head leaving my feet I waited and steadied myself as she came closer.

_Jade what happened?_

_I don't want to talk about it cat_

Her voice was sharp with a faint sound of anger I sighed but nodded grabbing her bags lighten her load she gave a slight moan as a thank you. She needed time I understood she wouldn't discuss it in front of George. As soon as I took the bags her shoulder slumped she had to be hurting.

_Are you okay?_

I asked nervously she didn't look up as I opened the back door for her to put him down in the car seat her voice lost some of it's edge as she answered.

_Just peachy _

_Can we get peach ice cream sissy?_

_Not now baby g we need to go to school_

_okay_

He sighed not happy but he didn't fight he just played with his D.S Jade's voice sounded strange but she was calm almost sweet with him. I could sense her level of patience was thin even he seemed to get it cause he didn't fight or whine. Jade buckled him in Randy was staring off into space his arms waving like he was flying a plane while he made motor sounds.

_Jadey?_ Baby G's little voice called out nervous she sighed

_Yes baby?_

_When will daddy stop yelling and.._

_Baby G we talked about this what did I tell you?_

Jade placed her hands on his shoulders looking straight into his eyes her voice thick and stern. He sighed but stopped asking Jade handed him a children s book taking away his D.S.

_Practice reading will go over it tonight_

_Okay sissy_

She grunted as she pulled his bag up front flopping down on the passengers side with a heavy sigh

Throwing her own stuff on the floor with mine huffing she gave out one of the most long pitiful pain filled sighs I ever heard my heart dropped something had happened since she left my place this morning, rubbing her back I felt her flinch at my touch.

_You need to go to the H.o.s.p.i.t.a.l? _

I made sure they didn't catch on as I awaited her answer my heart pounding she didn't look at me she stared straight ahead.


	7. Chapter 7 City Of Angels

**City Of Angels**

**Cat's p. o .v**

_Jadey?_

Slowly she let out a deep breath shaking her head muttering .

_I hate this _

_I know Jade_

I reassured her she looked back at him he was reading and listening to his pearpod. When she was sure he wasn't listening to us she lowered her glasses. I felt my heart drop as my fears were confirmed tears fell from her eyes slowly I wiped them away. She flinched but let me go.

_Cat ever since you gave me that lecture and pleaded with me_

_About safe sex and how dangerous unprotected sex was_

_I stopped I went on birth control I go for tests every 6 months_

_I didn't sleep with anyone after our talk except Beck and he was always respectful and _

_Careful _

_I know Jade I'm proud of you_

_I never wanted this life that's why I never had unprotected sex after you showed me_

_How dangerous it was_

_Now it doesn't seem to matter cause for all sense and purpose I am a teen mom_

_Except the kid ain't even mine_

She looked back at George and Randy who were each in their own little worlds. I sighed as she applied her makeup.

_I know huh believe me I know_

She was quiet as she looked at me no words needed to be said now our eyes did all eyes did all the connections. Smiling slightly as we stopped at a red light I leaned over and kissed her long and hard tasting black cherry and wild raspberry.

Jade's whole posture relaxed as we kissed I reached over tenderly kissing her buckling her seat belt which she hates to wear running my hand through her wet wild raven locks.

_Randy don't eat that_

He looked upset as I pulled his hand back stopping him from eating a dead bug he sniffled.

_Oh death yea I'll take it for my collection cat_

_Um sure Jade knock yourself out_

_Thanks babe _The bug earned me a deep kiss as I tried to keep my eyes on the road.

_Oh don't cry Randy_

The sudden movement made me sweat and feel sick. Breathing deep I tried to fight it off.

_Don't tell me what to do puke-face you made mommy mad_

Jade looked at me concerned as I held my stomach.

_Cat what happened?_

I glared at Randy but he was happily clapping lost in his own world again sighing I looked at Jade.

_I'll tell you later babe kay-kay?_

_Sure Cat are you okay?_

_I can drive Kitty if you want_

_No I'm good thanks though_

She nodded as I turned on a road going the last stretch to Randy's school. The traffic was awful and it was like a crawl pace winding through Beverly Hills. Jade slipped one of her demo's in the cd player which relaxed me she is just so talented she can play piano, drums ,sax, harp, organ, guitar she can write a score in minutes.

I'm sure I broke more then one driving law as I finally got out of the stand still. Sunroof down music blasting I could just taste the sun and it's beauty so bright so warm. I saw Jade's face this would be a perfect day to skip but we couldn't we both needed top grades and as much as I wanted to I had to be the strong one in this case.

As soon as Randy saw me pull up he started clapping and cheering happily parking was thankfully easy as one of the assistants Amy came running out smiling.

_Everything okay cat?_

_Yea were just running late sorry hope his schedule isn't messed up now_

_oh I'm sure he'll be fine let me help you_

She took his bag which relieved my shoulder pressure.

Randy ran ahead up the steps of Franklin Reye Academy which is for special need students. Inside I signed him in gave his teacher Carrie a brief run down of what his day had been like so far she shock her head sympathetic.

Looking around I shock my head in shock his class held 15 kids ranging form 13-18 there was Lucas and Henry who have Autism one was spinning around and one was staring at the wall. Lucy was 14 she had down syndrome Jan and Nicole had Spina Bifida both are in wheelchairs.

The room was built for kids with big plastic chairs brightly colored décor. I found Randy playing with Charlie 15 and Laura 10 both were sweet faced good natured kids . I bent down to kiss Randy's head he looked up smiling he had forgotten all about this morning I wish I had.

_Hey kid-o I have to go to school_

_Bye Mommy_

He looked up at me so innocently smiling a big toothy grin his hair all ruffled.

_Look Mommy I made a kitty cat just like Ariana me-ow_

He held up his arms I hugged him burying my tears as I breathed him in his sweat scent baby powder and apple pie.

Controlling my breathing I sank back into my car seat. Jade rubbed my back tenderly she reached over pushing away my tears pulling me into a hug which is what I needed.

_Thanks Jade_

_Don't mention it I mean it Cat_

We both smiled as I started up the car.

_Jadey look what I made_

We looked back at Baby G as he held up a game on his pear pod which was to encourage kids to build things and use their brains.

_It's a bomb it goes boom!_

It went off scaring the crap out of both of us I almost lost control of the car Jade spun around.

_Cool what app is that called?_

Figures Jade would encourage teaching a 4 year old child how to build a weapon of mass destruction.

_It's called the f word_

_It's all about using the right metabolic material verse the right amount of.._

Huh? How did he know all that ? He was four how did he keep it all in his head? I had trouble memorizing long division never mind what it took to build a bomb. I watched as Jade showed him what numbers you needed to build a bomb. It's sad when I look at George I see a bright eager four year old who has the world at his finger tips he is so smart and eager to learn and he learns so fast at four he's already light years ahead of Randy who at 17 was trapped in his five year old mind. Randy would never be what he should have been and the painful reminder caused my heart to almost stop beating tears burned my eyes . Randy had been so bright the highest IQ in his class sweetest ,funniest kid who always had a date on weekends. Colleges scouted him at 14 for baseball scholarships. He had so much potential then just like that due to one kids selfishness it was ripped apart.


	8. Chapter 8 Time

**Time**

**Sam's P.o.v**

Time most people bitch and fuss that it goes too fast . They constantly complain they don't have enough of it. Too much to do not enough time to do it. I would gladly tell them take some of mine . I would have no problem sharing some of mine cause that's all I got is time.

_Puckett!_

I remained silent as Mrs. Nicole called on me I wasn't about to answer her damn questions sighing she tried again.

_Sam I asked you a question_

Click..Click the constant rhythm of my tapping kept me sane staring straight ahead I could see her throat bouncing up and down. I watched her breathing fast and heavy she was trying to stay patient with me.

Why should I hurry? Just because she was on some stupid rigid schedule didn't mean I had to comply . I had nothing to do but sit in a cold hard cell all damn day why would I be in a hurry to get back there?

_Sam can you answer me please? _

_What are the _ _Constitutional Amendments? _

Like I care? What did it have to do with me? Throwing my clicker up in the air I kept my razor sharp glare on her.

The clicker as I call it is a hand held remote control that the teachers here make us use to take tests it's hooked to her main computer terminal so all our answers go straight to her she can see them right away.

_Mrs. Nicole I know the answer! _

16 year old Ashlee Slang raised her hand glaring at me. Mrs. Nicole smiled at her as she said to her.

_I'm sure you do sweetie but I really want to hear from Sam today_

Well keep waiting you'll be waiting a really long time cause I ain't talking.

_Sam please stop throwing the clicker before you break it_

She sighed I threw it higher earning groans from my classmates.

_Geez Sam stop being a gank and answer the question pay attention damn bitch_

My gaze followed the voice belonging to 16 year old Lydia Jackson who did she think she was? I'll tell ya who she is a soon to be dead bitch.

_Sam please put it down and pay attention _Mrs. Nicole sighed coming towards me.

_Yea Puckett why do you always come here if you ain't got no attention to learn? _Dead bitch spoke again

_Damn why you so stupid? _

Stupid really? Without thinking I threw the clicker at Lydia the other girls gasped pounding the desks yelling as I flipped the desk charging Lydia who screamed as I attacked her.

_Bitch your going to get your lazy dumb ass beating_

_Screw yourself Lydia _

My fists pounded on her face as I pulled her up by her shirt collar body slamming her on the floor as all the girls scrambled trying to get out of the way cheering shouting pounding the desks.

I slammed her down again hitting her over and over in the face stomach legs head. Mrs. Nicole screamed for the guards who are stationed outside the classroom.

_Get off of her Sam!_

Officer Lea was on me in minutes pulling me up another officer held Lydia up.

_Break it up girls sit your butts down and pay attention_

I was steaming mad now crossing my arms slacking in my seat I stared straight ahead.

Now four officers stood in the rooms two were on each of us.

_Back to the question what are the Amendments? _

_Sam can you answer me?_

I held up my finger there's your answer bitch sighing she shock her head.

_Carrisa can you tell us? _

Carrisa Woodrow 17 answered I blanked out on the answer closing my eyes.

_Sam wake up now_

Officer Lea shock me I yawned flicking my eyes open slowly I stretched all eyes were on me all the other girls were already up and in formation arms clasped behind their backs.

_Their waiting on you Puckett lets move now_

Let them wait

_You know the drill Puckett_

Yea I do but you didn't ask if I cared slowly I put my hands behind my back.

_Hurry up Puckett or the whole unit will be on lock-down you and Jackson already got S.H.U don't make the whole unit pay for your dumb-ass._

I kicked the desk in front of me spitting. Lydia spoke rolling her eyes.

_That's right Sam cop some more charges on your dumb-ass_

My breathing was fast and hard without thinking I yanked my arm away.

_Sam Calm down or I will calm you down_

Officer Lea spoke calmly but I was too heated to be calmed. I brought my elbow back and pushed it into her stomach she grunted as I kicked her.

_Code Grey!_

The alarm sounded as I fought her off shoving her back cussing her as she fell over a fallen desk. Given me the chance to run.

_B.D.4.L!_

_You ain't nothing but a s.o.l bitch and I got your number better watch your back _

_Cuz were gunning for ya_

The shout caused me to look up just as I was shoved to the ground my anger boiled over as I got up knowing the shout of my enemy Blood Diva's a low menacing growl emerged from me she had the balls to push me to the ground talk chiz to me. I punched her so hard she stumbled then I kept pounding sending her crashing to the ground as the shouts of.

_Blood! Black p. Stone! United blood! Latin Kings Vice Lords!_

Filled the room followed by .

_Crips! Hoovers rolling 30's Grape street!_

_Code Grey all available officers respond code grey in G unit Classroom A1 Code Grey!_

I heard a crack I grinned it was sickeningly sweet, I enjoyed the feeling that her bone cracking made me feel. My feet connected with her stomach legs face arms and chest. She tried grabbing my hair she kicked me but I grabbed her hair instead slamming her head into the floor.

_Code Grey ! Code Grey!_

_Code white!_

Lock-down ..grabbing a shank I made fast work ripping her clothes open slicing her throat just as the room flooded with officers.

_S.Y.C4.L.B!_

I shouted as four arms pulled me up slamming me on the ground my face hit the hard concrete , arms pulled my arms behind my back.

_Take her to S.H.U stupid stupid move Puckett_

Four guards picked me up as 20 or 50 more broke up the now huge fight blowing air-horns. They didn't leave me for a minute 6 of them surrounded me as we walked down to the S.H.U pod.

The Special Holding Unit also known as Iso or seg I've spent countless time down there.

I could taste the blood on my lips stupid bitch got me a few times I spit out the blood earning me a hard yank from one of the officers who yelled at me for spitting. I said nothing else. Buzzards sounded as we crossed units gates and doors opened they lead me into a strip search room.

_Clothes off in the bag Sam_

The doors locked as two officers stood in front of me I was stripped I stood with my back towards them they placed my hands on the wall as they searched my whole body with a flashlight. My skin crawled as they touched me so much anger was inside of me. I wanted to turn around and hurt them. One officer's fingers lingered on my thigh, I felt my skin heat up my chest was beating so hard I wanted to cry or curl up in the nearest hole. Her fingers dug inside my private part as she ordered me to bend over and cough 5 times.

_You know the rules Sam why do you always break them? _

_Do you like being in this position?_

I felt her enter me as she shone a light inside...flashbacks filled me..

" _Sam I warned you what would happen if you didn't listen to me.._

I gasped as my mom's boyfriend hit me across the face I was five years old he was 56 he had walked in on me in the shower. I was holding my towel close to my body when my mom and her boyfriend walked in on me. He had a sick smile on his face as he closed the door and looked me up and down. My skin was crawling as I tried to look for a way out there was none. He hurried over to me ripping the towel off of me his eyes lingered on my body as he grabbed me and ordered me to turn around I stayed silent I had already learned not to talk back. He yelled for me to bend over as he laughed repeating the sentence from earlier.

_Sam I warned you what would happen if you didn't listen to me._

_I told you five minutes for a shower damn it what time is it?_

He shoved his wrist in front of my face as his hands touched my butt I felt like I could cry but I didn't want to show him my tears. My eyes blurred at the watch I was 5. I didn't know how to tell time.

_Answer me! Damn it Samantha what time is it?_

He yanked my hair back hard I screamed which made him laugh. Then he hit me hard across my butt over and over and over yelling at me to take it.. I held back my tears as I gripped the shower curtain my mom laughed yelling..

_Harold the ungrateful brat hasn't learned her lesson yet _

_I think she needs to be hit harder _

_Make her bleed Baby make her never forget_

_How do you like this Sam you must cause you keep doing bad things_

The whole time he was talking he had shoved his fingers inside of my butt rubbing his gentile against my butt while my mom held me back gripping my hair shaking her head as she smoked crack.

_You enjoy being a bad little girl don't you Sam?_

_No!_

The word was screamed inside my mind over and over flashing in big neon signs as I bit my lip tasting the blood how could he thinks I liked this? I wanted to scream I wanted to cry I wanted to break free but I couldn't if I spoke up I was just going to get it worse and then I would be kicked out it was December it was freezing outside.

_Stop fighting Samantha you know you like being a bad girl now you have to take the punishment like bad girls do when they mess up and get caught,_

He shoved me against the wall as my mom held me tight ..

_How much Pam?_

_I want a 8 ball _

_That's at least 90.00 $ Pam which means since your broke ass ain't got it Sam has to pay me_

Pay him? Was he insane I wasn't paying for my mom's disgusting habit what the heck was he talking about? Suddenly before I could process any more thoughts I heard my mom laugh and tell him.

_Do what ever makes lil man happy just get me my coke_

His laughter was sickening in my ear but the sudden pain that shot through my butt silenced everything else. I started to scream.

_No! Get off of me!_

I freaked out as the officer put her finger inside of me tears almost over flowed but I held them back they would never see me cry. I pushed her back trying to cover myself as the room was flooded with officers trying to restrain me but I was motionless now sitting in a corner curled up in a ball. Eyes wildly searching for anyone who would dare touch me. I was shaking and I hated this but even worse then the thought of them touching me was what happened next.

_No body touch her she's having a_

_Psychotic Episode someone get Lisa damn I think she pissed herself_

I felt the wetness seep through my lower half and I wanted to die.

_Sam calm down baby were not here to hurt you _

_Were trying to keep you safe Sam can you talk to us?_

I stared straight ahead even if I wanted to talk. I couldn't make my words come out my head was hurting bad so many thoughts filled my head. I just wanted to sleep. I felt someone's hands on me I flashed back to when I was five and my mom held me down so my cousin could rape me.

_Get off of me! _

I screamed as two of the officers grabbed me and pushed me onto the cold hard tiles as one climbed on top of my backside.

_I have her restrained shoot her up_

I felt the needle slip inside my arm. I tried to fight them off but they held me strong I felt my body go numb as they threw me into a chair.

I felt the bruises and the soreness forming.

They wheeled me through double doors entering S.H.U pod ten cells lined each side all one person cells. I tried to break the strap but it was tight.

GSHU-214 opened after she communicated with the command office. They unstrapped me and shoved me inside the cell throwing my clothes in behind me.

The cell was tiny 6x2 with only a used cot that looked like it's seen better days. No sheets no mattress just a thin piece of cotton. It smelled like stale urine gross. A metal toilet and sink that was all that was in there. If I did a split my feet could touch both sides that's how small it was.

My nerves always get to me I don't like closed spaces they make me anxious which makes me angry.

I dressed quickly dropping to the ground feeling the effects of the shot starting to take over. I wanted a shower I was sticky and I could smell the urine on me but I had no hope. I had to do something so I started doing push ups while counting

102

103

110

I didn't stop the sweat made me feel alive the harsh intake of urine filled my breath. When I got to 320 I jumped up and started my jumping jacks.

_Sam you have a visitor_

I didn't stop why respect them when all they did was lock me up yell at me and throw me to the ground?

We weren't allowed visitors here anyway not that anyone came to see me so why should I care?

_Puckett! Stand at attention now!_

Grunting I stood still breathing hard I held my hands up as the cell buzzed and opened in came Spencer Shay and Monet Harris along with the nurse Lisa Jennette.

Spencer came in shacking his head as he spoke

_Calm down Sam were here to help you_

_Please sit down_

I glared standing still arms crossed both took seats on my cot , Monet spoke her voice firm but soft.

_Sam darlin' please sit by us were here to talk to you_

_We heard you had a tough time at the strip search today can you tell us what happened?_

I could bitch but I won't my eyes glazed up to the ceiling her eyes always made me feel unease it was like she was seeing through my soul.

_I can see your having a bad day sweetie and I want to help_

_Was it the officers hands on you did it trigger flashbacks?_

_Sam please talk to Monet We only want to see you succeed_

Spencer's voice was stronger but full of compassion.

_Sam don't you want to get free? You have a chance with this program_

_Your blowing it though Sam one more time and their going to send you to the penn this is your third strike Sam_

_It's frustration Sam I can see there's a part of you that wants to change but what keeps triggering these outburst ?_

_Sam your so close just get through these phrases and you can go home you can find someone to share your life with go to school get a job it's all so close._

_Why would you do that? Did Missy start something?_

Spencer was trying so hard both of them were I could hear the frustration and bits of anger in their voices it use to give me pleasure but now I just felt nothing.

_Sam you know that stuff is not tolerated here_ _doesn't it get old?_

_Or do you want to spend the rest of your life in jail? _

I eyed him like I had a choice?

_The whole reason your here is cause I really feel you have a chance at a normal life but you have to want it. You have to make the change._

_What do I have to change for? I ain't got no family no real friends no job no money all I got is my self my respect and she disrespected me I had to defend myself._

_She speaks Spencer look she has a voice!_

Keep grinning bitch that was the last you heard of me I turned away my head pounding my arms itching to punch her so damn bad.

_Sam forget her forget the streets cause it ain't going to be there for you but I will I want to see you get out and have a better chance._

_Talk to me Sam what made you so mad?_

_You can be with your son baby don't you want to see him grow up?_

_I know my babies are everything to me shit I don't know where I would be without them_

_If someone tried to keep me from them lord help that person.._

Thoughts of my son Chase Chance filled my head he was a sweet baby good natured and happy he was four and half now I hadn't seen him since he was born. What kind of mother did that make me?

Tears and frustration filled me I did want to change didn't I ? I mean I agreed to be in here instead of normal juvie so what was wrong with me? I screamed as I punched the wall and kept punching it tears burned my eyelids as I kicked and punched banging my head.

_Guards! _

They screamed as I felt Monet's hands on me holding me pulling me on the floor in her lap as she wrapped her arms around my chest. Spencer held my legs as Lisa Jennette injected me with a drug to calm me down.

Blackness over took me as hands lifted me I heard voices..

_Psychotic Episode send her to A.H.U_

Administrative Holding Unit was going to be my new home a place I knew very well.


	9. Chapter 9 Good Girls

**Good Girls**

**Carly's p. o . v**

_Can you answer this question?_

_5x v 2y v over 2x^-1[-3^3y^-1]^2_

My head shot up instantly grinning as the figures ran through my brain quickly.

_Yes Miss. Shay of course you would be the first to answer _

I looked around at my classmates at Beverly Hills Preparatory which is a private school in Beverly Hills that is so competitive so highly sought after so difficult to get into because only 250 students are enrolled. From grades 7-12 I've been here since the 7th grade. I'm in 11th now , I saw no one had their hands up yet as they tried to figure the answer out in their heads.

_Thanks Mr. Lawson the answer is_

_[45/2/x^-7y^8]_

_Excellent job Miss. Shay now can you tell me how you got to that equation? _

_Yes 'sir I can_

I quickly went into the explanation of how I solved the equation watching as he nodded or shaking his head before he complimented me.

_Very thoughtful very clean work I'm impressed of course I except nothing less from you Miss. Shay pay attention fellow classmates follow Miss. Shay's example._

_Okay tonight's homework I want 20 pages typed up on how each of these equations are solved I want pages 120-140 studied for tomorrows test._

At the end of his insane assignment the bell sounded sighing I got up and followed the other 24 students out of the room sighing how could I get this all done? Plus the 50 pages of English report on Shakespeare's Hamlet the 50 pages history research paper on Salem witch trials. The day wasn't even half over yet.

_Carly_

I shock my head snapping out of my trance as Xena Goldwater whispered to me.

_Party at my mansion tonight you down?_

_Yea babe count me in _

I high-fived Xena she grinned I couldn't help but stare at her who wouldn't?

Xena is 5'11 she's 94lbs with long long bronze like hair flowing to her lower back streaked with blond and almost gold like eyes. She's from Greece her parents moved here when she was 11 to help her modeling career , now she's on almost every cover of any kind of catalog and she's one of the most sought after models for runway shows.

_Bring that sexy boyfriend of yours damn girl he's fine_

Xena flipped her hair laughing I grinned so wide I'm shocked my mouth stayed closed.

_Thanks I'll check with him_

_Where are your parents this week?_

She rolled her eyes.

_Who knows man mom said something about flying to Jerusalem on business dad's prob off screwing one of his hot stewardess who cares all I know is I'm alone with the house unless you count Max so that means .._

Her two best friends Janie Walters and Ryannianna Jackson came up yelling out as they pumped their arms up waving as they shock their hips.

_Part-ee haha!_

_Where's Missy?_

_She hung over Carl's?_

That was a very good question I hadn't seen her all day last I heard from her was last night when we were out drinking till 1am.

_I don't know I haven't seen any of them maybe they had a family thing _

_I'll text then later'_

_Make sure you tell them about the party _

_Ain't no party till you girls arrive Carly_

_Fro sur Gurl_

I laughed

_Is your mom having her monthly tea gathering?_

_Uh yea of course_

I rolled my eyes gagging at the thought as we settled into our next class.

_Alright class who ever answers right on the first try for today's questions earns _

_50 class points first question is.._

_How many significant figures are in the following?_

_1,02300_

Too easy my hand shot up but so did his, sighing I shock my head he always had to compete with me didn't he? Mr. Scorpio laughed as he saw us going head to head.

_Oh I see it's a duo today very good I love _

_Okay here's another one for you.._

Before he could finish 16 y.o Freddie Benson was up racing to the chalkboard ..oh no he didn't he was not getting my class points.

I jumped up racing to beat him from across the room as Mr. Scorpio stood in the middle of the room watching . He laughed as he shouted out ..

_Go!_

We both dove for the chalk he beat me by half a inch so I did what I had to stepping on his foot he yelped dropping the chalk which I snatched up quickly I solved the problem.

D-6

_Excellent Carly now answer this_

__is the measure of the quantity of matter_

I called out

_Mass!_

__is the mass per unit volume of substance_

Freddie shoved me calling out

_Acidity_

Mr. Scorpio grinned as he paced the room calling out questions and watching us to see who called first.

Freddie and I kept shoving each other and trying to trip the other up. Mr. Scorpio called out the next question.

_According to Charles law if the temp of gas is increased the volume wi.._

We both screamed out hands over each others mouths.

_Will increase _

The class sat wide eyed watching as Freddie and I both competed for the points I wasn't even sure who was winning at this point. My heart was beating wildly, I felt sick I was sweating as I unclasped and clasped my hands. Trying to keep my breathing from exploding or my chest from beating itself to death.

Freddie's grin was infuriating me as I went head to head with him, my parents words from the weekend echoing in my head.

My parents own a 10,000 sq ft mansion which has 7 bedrooms 7 1/2 bathrooms a family room a dinning room a ballroom a gym a multimillion dollar equipment room a motor court a home theater .

Last Friday mom was hosting one of her charity parties for her organization Sassy's dreams which is her business that make the dreams of terminally ill kids come true.

Everybody is anybody in the Hollywood world was there actors, singers, models, designers producers rich business man and women. Doctors, lawyers.. the mansion was filled you could barely move.

Dad was calling out for a toast to all of mom's efforts as he addressed the crowd Spencer and I stood proudly on each side of her. I could barely move in my new purple and gold christian Lacroix dress.

_Ladies and gentleman I just wanted to sincerely thank you all for taking the time to come out here tonight by showing up here you show that you truly care about the kids who are helped by Sassy's it takes a village to raise a child well with your generosity tonight we can help raise the dreams of thousand of children right here in the USA..thousand of children who are dreaming of a life without pain, isolation ,fear ,sickness who are dreaming of health we take for-granted well we can't make that dream a reality but we can grant them a retrieve a chance to live out some wild fantasy or to help make their greatest wish come true._

_Tonight we helped raise 60,000 dollars all of which will go to helping her kids in her organization so thank you. _

_I would like to take a moment and introduce my family who works endless hours to keep this business afloat._

_First My wife Sassy Rae Taylor-Shay she is a big advocate for this having herself survived child-hood cancer now she wants to help other kids who are facing tough battles have one moment of happiness. Sassy worked from the time she was 12 years old living in Burbank Cali she use to stand on the corners with her lemonade stand just trying to raise money..she never quit getting every odd job she had to just to get by till she got enough to go to college to get her business degree. She battled plenty of hard heads who said woman didn't have a place in the business world, she came out on top._

_Next on my right is my incredible smart mature son who from the very start showed his own motivation always out exploring the outdoors building his own experiments and laying out blue prints of what his dream office would look like even as a kid he dreamed big._

_Spencer wasn't just a dreamer though he went through and made them reality. _

_His dreams echoed in his head seeing a child hurt or in pain made him angry and he wanted to help ease that pain and fear. I remember clearly when he was only 8 he found a cat beaten and bloody with a broken leg it was apparent this poor animal had been abused by some sick human and thrown out in the woods left to die. He found it while he was exploring and rushed it home took it to a vet he nursed it back to help he was horrified someone could do this to a animal and asked me " daddy why would anybody hurt a innocent animal?_

_When I looked into my son's eyes saw his quivering lips it took everything I had to not break down but I sat him down and as gently yet firmly as I could replied " well son sometimes some people are just so hurt in life themselves they can't see clearly and they take their pain out on innocent animal or sometimes a child. '' it was the first time my Beverley hills raised son who had been sheltered in these mansion walls had ever heard of children not having a brilliant life. It was that moment when Spencer turned to me and said "Dad some day I am going to make a difference in the life of a child."_

_I never had any doubts in him he never let anything stop him or derail him he never did drugs or got mixed in a bad crowd he studied and worked hard to go to his dreams .When he was 16 he got a part-time job working at a law office in La as a file clerk where he took notes and really thought about what he wanted to do._

_Spencer got his Degree in social working then he went and earned a bachelor's degree in behavioral sciences. While attending school to earn his Master's he worked with a brilliant women named Monet Harris who showed him the ropes to being the hope for children._

_Spencer breezed through his masters and now he is in charge of his own unit of Criminal Juvenile Defense unit._

_Spencer has helped many kids turn from a bad decision making path to a award winning college scholarship ._

Spencer smiled tightly as dad went on and on about how amazing he is I saw him twisting in his designer suit. He hated being under dad's spot light. I watched as Dad pounded his back as Spence smiled and laughed.

Next my dad turned to me as he grinned wrapping his arm around my shoulders I smelled the champagne on his breath and fought to keep my stomach in tact.

_Carly Rae Shay is my youngest child my only daughter she is bright and funny and loving she could never hurt a fly. Ever since she was young she's marched to the beat of her own drums she was a active child who loved rock and roll and pop music she loved to dance and sing but she loved to show her independence if every girl in her class was wearing pink she'd wear black and red to make a statement if every girl was afraid to kick the block in gym she'd smash it with her fist. Carly was always out to prove girls can do what boys do. In school she's always excelled in every class to be the top she studies on Friday nights instead of going out on dates I never have to worry about Carly she's always proved to us that she's a good girl and she earned our trust. She's only 16 but she's already won the La spelling bee seven times as well as the National Spelling bee in seventh grade._

_She's won the national honors society three times, she's won the International young writers essay two years in a row, Carly has also won the international young business entrepreneur award in 2010. She's well on her way to earning her business degree in business management. After college she'll join the family business and take over for her mother. So in many ways this isn't just a business it's our family's survival so as you can see failure is not a option in this family. ''_

_Failure is not a option in this family _

_Carly..._

_Failure is not a option in this family _

_Carly Rae come back to earth ..or at least to this class.._

Shaking my head I felt color creep up my face as Mr. Scorpio laughed just as the bell rung.

_That ends today's lesson homework pages 145-148 neat and clean people. You are dismissed.._

Sighing I cracked my neck as I grabbed my stuff Freddie grinned at me as he grabbed his ..

_You alright Carly?_

_Yea why wouldn't I be?_

_You seemed to check out on us back there.._

_Sorry just trying to drown out Mr. Scorpio's boring voice _

_Really I find his vast ray of knowledge fascinating_

_Of course you would nerd _

_Wanna date Carly?_

I laughed he looked down like a puppy dog being kicked._ Poor kid _I thought exiting the classroom. Freddie hurried by my side.

To look at us you would never consider us friends, I'm one of the most popular girls in school. Freddie is well a nerd. Yet we have known each other since we were born Freddie's dad was one of my dad's oldest friends. Our families live next door to each other, our dad's met when they were in their late teens early 20's in the airforce while stationed in Vietnam.

My dad was stationed in the CMAC Capital Military Assistance Command when he met a young solider named Fredward Benson the second they bonded over their love of Marilyn Monrow Playboy,

Black and white movies. They fought side by side and saw some horrible bloody sights but they made it out of the jungle. They came home and went to college earned their masters in business degree's and opened their own business in Southern La for returning Vets to get counseling and medical exams now the clinic also serves as place for Vets to help guide kids to stay off the streets.

As a kid Freddie was always picked on cause he was so little and smart and his crazy ass mom even in our exclusive private school he was bullied and made fun of. Yet through our fathers we remained friends he always harbored a crush on me which I find cute but I can never say I returned the feelings.

I felt bad for him but I never loved him as anything but a brother. The change came to him seven years ago I remember the day very clearly we were nine, we were in second grade Freddie was being picked on all day so he chose to leave early. I followed him home trying to cheer him up but when we got to his mansion we were both shocked to see police cars at his house with a Military van.

From that day on his life changed walking in the living room to see a Officer in the room holding a American flag talking to Freddie's mom saying how sorry they were that her husband had died a American Hero.

Freddie toughened up that day he became quiet and withdrew into himself. I was his only real friend, and even though we changed and hang in different circles I still consider him a good friend and watch out for him. Not many people know what it's like to have a parent in the armed services but I do my dad's gone on to become one of the top officers in the air-force and still run his business but he spends a lot of time over seas fighting for our freedom and every time he's away I face the fear millions of military families fear and thousand like Freddie's family have already faced the fear that one day their loved one won't becoming home. Unless it's in a pine box.

Freddie also understands how crazy my parents pressure me cause his mom is insane with making sure he passes school with nothing less then hundreds. He has to take course in college level during summer there's no laying around the pool looking for babes or partying for Freddie not while his moms watching.

Freddie is the only one who understands what it means for me to be a good girl but I wonder if any body ever questions why do good girls go bad?


	10. Chapter 10 Reassurance

**Cat's p. o . v**

**Reassurance **

_Cat watch out!_

Jade screamed grabbing the wheel I shock my head coming back to reality as our car swerved barely missing the other car which blasted me. I gripped the wheel so tightly my fingers hurt turning white. I was shaking and almost crying my head pounded.

_Are you okay?_

I pulled over and completely broke down Jade held me while I let it all out my tears, pain ,fear,she held me rocking me petting my hair .

I didn't need to tell her she just automatically held me reassuring me Randy would be okay even if he wasn't the same Randy as before he was in a new world he was learning and improving she told me I would never be alone she would always be by me.

Somehow we made it to baby g's school. Jade grabbed his bag and his hand we walked into Beverly Hills Grammar Preparatory School. I saw kids in their class rooms sitting attentively to their teachers every room was the same. Kids in their little gold and navy uniforms looking their best. Kids as young as George were on the computer no one said a word unless told to no one cried or screamed it was eerie quiet. I was so glad I never went to a school like this.

Jade signed him in while the secretary lectured her about being on time being responsible I saw her fist clench her eyes glared.

_Look Lady I am not a puppy you can scold I'm not even_

_His damn mother I got him here if you want him here earlier get off_

_Your oversized over made up botoxed a..._

_Jade lets go..._

I grabbed her shoving her out the door.

_I apologize for her_

I called back to the wide eyes lady left shaken behind her desk. Jade fumed shaking me off.

As soon as we got outside she lit up a joint I sighed already tired she was pissed as we tore off muttering.

Finally at 8:45we got to school Hollywood Arts grabbing our stuff we both tore off. Jade threw her joint in the bush spraying her breath as we ran inside going to the office where Lane was chatting to the secretary Marrisa.

_Girls why are you so late?_

_Life issues_

Jade answered when I froze I hated being late or answering personal questions, I squeaked Jade glared.

_Jade you know you missed _

_I know Lane stop bugging _

_Jade that's not acceptable part of your probation court order is that_

_You attend weekly sessions with me I have to report to your p.o and.._

_Yea yea I know alright geez I had a thing I'll be there_

_Is everything okay Jade? We can talk in private .._

_NO!_

She screamed so loud so pissed off even I jumped covering my ears screaming Marissa dropped her stapler wide eyed Jade's face was the color of fire she was breathing hard.

_I'm f..i..n..e.._

She gritted her teeth glaring at him he sighed shaking his head knowing full well she was lying we both did.

_I just had a rough morning with George cat helped me_

_Traffic pissed me off so can we please just have a pass_

_We need a pass so we don't get in trouble please_

She empathized the please both times Lane sighed not wanting to piss her off more. I stared at her wide eyed more then a little concerned myself. Lane was shaking his head but he gave us the passes.

_You know my door is always open Jade I except to see you this week_

_For two hours if I don't see you by Friday half day I will send for you _

_If you fail to show I will go to your P.O understand?_

_Yea Yea Lane got it passes now!_

She snatched them both whirling out of the office fuming I hadn't seen her this pissed off in awhile.

I followed her to her locker where she slammed her books exchanging the ones she needed with the ones we didn't.

Slowly I went doing the same watching her trying to control herself. I saw her struggle with her

emotions which were eating her alive. I knew better then to try to say anything her breathing finally eased. I saw her almost collapse against her locker finally letting go no tears but her body shock quietly I went over hugging her she straightened up smiling slightly at me.

_Thanks Cat we better get to class_

_Kay Kay Jadey_

I took her hand as we walked down the hall she was less tense now . I felt her hand caress mine making me smile her skin was so soft and felt so amazing in my hand.

_Uh I'm starving!_

Tori flopped down at our usual table looking tired as she ripped open her sandwich and fruit cup.

_I can't wait for Mr. Anthony's class_

_I worked all last week on that assignment_

_I'm stoked I think I'll get at least an A plus for sure _

_Oh shut-up Vega_

Jade slammed her fist down

_Stop talking Vega your giving me a headache_

_What are you so crappy about Jade you usually love Mr. Anthony's class _

_I bet you made a awesome dark spooky depressing mind blowing_

_I hate you Vega and no matter how much you beg and suck up I will always hate you_

_So please shut up_

_What did I do?_

Poor Tori looked so lost and hurt.

_I was just trying to be nice_

Jade was even worse then normal I felt bad for Tori Andre backed away from Jade closer to Tori I giggled they could be so sweet together.

_Clouds _

_Pretty shape changing clouds look it's a tutu!_

_Earth to Cat back to earth_

Robbie waved his hand in front of my face Rex looked at me.

_Get that stupid puppet out of my face_

_I'm not a stupid puppet you silly red head_

_Don't insult me I'm not silly I'm real which is way more then I can say for you_

_Hey Cat he has feelings to!_

_Well feel this_

_Jade Don't!_

Too late Jade in one swift motion grabbed Rex pulling him off Robbie's arms and hauled him as far as she could . Robbie screamed chasing him like a 6year old . Jade gave a pathetic grunt.

_Loser_

Then she grabbed her bag Beck , Tori , Andre, Trina , all looked shocked as Robbie chased the garbage truck carrying Rex off.

_Wow she's even more of a gank then normal_

_P.M.S?_

_No next week_

I answered Beck everyone looked at me

_Ew how do you know?_

_I mean I know when Tori is getting hers cause she gets all weepy_

_Giggly and mopey_

_Ah Trina T.M. I ! Stop !_

She threw a grape at Trina who laughed throwing her arm over Tori's shoulders.

_Relax little sis it's all good were all friends here_

Trina tried to calm Tori down make her feel better but Jade yelled back slamming the door

_No one likes you!_

Tori sighed loudly as we watched Jade depart

_Great all this week I have to work with her for two weeks_

_How did I ever get so lucky?_

_I'm moving out of state that's final_

_Oh don't be over dramatic lil sis_

_Your working with us Trina_

_What no way! Noooooooo!_

_I'm out of here!_

Trina jumped up heading out then she quickly came back with a question

_Wait will Beck be there?_

Tori sighed louder shaking her head

_Yes Trina Beck will be there he's working with Andre _

_Everyone's coming to our place as they always do_

_Oh well then sure I suppose I can free myself to help you little kiddies_

_Geez thanks sis_

I should go after Jade shouldn't I? I knew I should but I was doing miserable in Trigonometry and Tori was getting straight A's.

_Tori_

_Yea Cat?_

Tori was more then happy to help me to help we spent the next twenty minutes trying to finish homework.

The bell sounded just as we wrapped it up I sighed in relief . Mr. Anthony's class was close to the cafe thank god.

_Any word Cat?_

I sighed looking at a worried Tori I didn't know why she was so worried Jade was set to kill her I sighed answering.

_No she won't text back_

_What's up with her today lil red?_

_Duno rough night I guess_

The second bell rung out loud and clear as class filled up I looked around it wasn't like her to skip class. Oh Jade where are you babe?

_Maybe she should try yoga_

Robbie said

_Maybe you should be shutting your mouth_

_Or I will be shutting it for you_

_Ja-de y-ikes_

Jade threw her bag down huffing throwing her body down in the hard plastic chairs .

_Jade you look beautiful in anger _

_Go away Sinjin!_

Sinjin Van cleef somehow sneaked up behind her holding a red rose which she promptly took smashing it into his face. I turned to look at her from across the room mouthing ' R U Okay?

She grunted I could smell the weed and booze on her as she passed us to get to her seat the scent was so strong it almost made me hurl. Tori looked at me the pounding in my head was worse I took a few deep breaths holding it back.

_You okay Cat?_

Tori's voice was laced with concern her touch gentle on my arm as I tried to keep from getting sick.

_Class settle down_

Everyone looked at Jade

_What? What do you all want from me?_

_Anybody got something to say?_

Everyone stayed quiet she just glared at Tori who shrugged I followed Jade's glare to Tori's hand she yelped pulling back.

_Then stop staring or I'll give you something to stare at _

_When I rip your faces apart_

Mr. Anthony sighed as he clapped his hands to quiet us and said to Jade

_Jade be quiet or I will give you another detention _

She glared up at him but remained silent.

_Thank you everyone please take out your assignments_

_This assignment is worth half your grade you must have it written out_

I heard Jade grunt what was wrong with her? She loves this class no matter how hard the work she always scores a 100 % or higher. My head was really starting to hurt I needed some kind of pill. Tori was getting her music out.

Tori had none Andre had none Beck told me to try Jade sighing I creeped over she was staring out the window in a daze sunglasses covering her eyes. The bag sat by her feet quickly I scooped four pills out taking two right away.

_No! get away!_

Jade screamed grabbing the bag with such force it gave me brush burn I squealed tears falling she glared.

_Oh don't be such a baby_

Jade yelled at me something she rarely does anymore I trembled whimpering as Rex grunted

_Gank_

_Shut it puppet_

Sinjin popped up staring at her again

_Beautiful _

_Go away Sinjin!_

_Class settle down and take your seats enough talking!_

I sat back Tori held me Jade had really scared me Tori soothed me with pretty words and hugs. Mr. Anthony started again.

_This homework was to take the word I gave you and create a song based on the emotion on that word_

_I wanted it in 6/8 and I wanted the lyrics to represents _

_How this emotion has shaped your life _

Jade grunted Andre rubbed his hands together smiling he's such a talented musician I saw his eyes light up as he gave a little yay which Jade rolled her eyes to.

Andre's piece was amazing I could sit and listen to hours to it a perfect mix of R/B and soul with a little jazz. Beck did a sci-fi type that made me want to crawl under my seat. Tori did a Latin piece which she sung in Spanish I had no idea what she was singing but it sounded amazing.

Trina made me dizzy with both her singing and dancing in some kind of Jazz style. Her flashy outfit almost made me puke.

_Jade your up next_

She didn't answer

_Yo wicked witch your being called_

_Ah!_

Jade grabbed Rex body slamming him over Robbie's head knocking poor Robbie out cold.

_Oh jade why_

Tori grunted helping him up

_I'll take him to the nurse_

_I'll help Tori _

_Thanks Andre_

_Jade move it up here or get a failing grade we don't have time for temper tantrums_

She kicked the chair so it went flying. My heart bleed for her whatever was wrong was tearing her up inside. She normally jumps to go first. I silently prayed.

She didn't bother to explain her word which I knew was heart a running joke among the class who thought she had none.

She slammed the bench down glaring at Mr. Anthony who looked worried.

Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes starting to play a haunting dark melody .

Her voice came out rich and smooth like a 40's jazz singer as much as people hate her Jade's voice is so powerful and has such emotion in it you start to feel for her even fall for her. Her lyrics are deep , dark.

Stirring something in you I swayed closing my eyes feeling it deep. Memories of her childhood swarmed me.

**Moment**

_Is This the end of a dream?_

_Is it as real as it seems?_

_Endless haunting melody_

_It follows me every waking moment_

_Teases me with cruel insanity_

_Who's the ringmaster?_

_Who holds the key?_

_Is there an escape?_

_I cry out for salivation who's my savior?_

_Will heaven open their gates for me?_

_I'm falling -free falling_

_Is there a safety net to catch me? _

_I Grable I gasp for something to hold me up_

_Fire burns below my feet_

_I know I hide it deep within but the truth comes tumbling in_

_I'm just as scared just as lonely_

_I'm lost in between two worlds_

_I want to run I want to be free_

_Free of this pain free of these shadows _

_Shadows of my past they haunt me every waking moment_

_I just want one sweet moment _

_That is all mine_

_I've tried to kill the pain, I tried to kill me_

_I wanted I needed an escape_

_I killed the happiness_

_Child-hood lost_

_Stolen night after night_

_I tried to believe in miracles in happy ever after_

_But hopelessness is all that remains_

_Cold in its sweet comfort I remember everything_

_I just killed emotions_

_Does it make me cold hearted?_

_I hear your names_

_It damages me_

_Do you think I don't know what you say?_

_Does it make it ok-ay?_

_What's wrong with me?_

_There's something broken yes I know_

_I'm damaged_

_Does it mean love is beyond my reach?_

_Cut-oh-cut-run so I don't feel the pain_

_Crimson drips_

_The unfilled broken promises you made to me_

_Left scattered in the wind_

_Cause just like everything_

_Good that's been giving to me_

_It's gone_

_Too good to be true_

_So excuse me if I seem a little bit cold bitter_

_Isolated I can't help it life's left me a little bit Jaded _

_Broken helpless like shards of broken glass_

_My childhood shatters behind me_

_Blood smeared on concrete life drained from my eyes_

_A cruel twist of fate leaves me wanting open arms_

_Just one more hug_

_Promises that I would be ok-ay_

_I wish I could erase this past_

_But it haunts my dreams_

She went into a beautiful piano solo eyes closed we all stayed quiet feeling the music. I saw Tori, Andre slip back inside.

_Yes reality is as cruel as it seems _

_Cold cold bitter jaded reality_

_Excuse me if I prefer fantasy_

_It's safer then my jaded broken mind_

_It's all I can do to protect my fragile heart_

_So say what you want _

_Just remember one thing_

_Your past will haunt your dreams like a knife twisted in your heart_

_I will haunt you_

_Yes cause I'm jaded enough twisted enough dark enough_

_So have your moment laugh at me cause one day I know I will get through_

_Get through this one day I'll have my moment_

My eyes were already over flowing with tears he was shaken a bit . Beck was shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Tori gave me another tissue as she whispered to me.

_Now we know why she was so pissed off _

_She hates being on displayed with her emotions_

_Yes she calls it weak right and Jade is never weak_

_Yea but this is a little dramatic even for her_

Mr. Anthony cleared his throat as he came over to her.

_Excellent job Jade_

_Very touching very anti-bullying_

_Yea thanks Mr. Anthony_

She got up crossing her arms.

_Class we can learn from Jade_

_Performance isn't just about singing the words_

_It's about using everything inside and bringing it into your_

_Performance _

_So it's unique and untouchable but so damn hot everyone wants to try_

_Jade hand in your music please_

She looked down why was she hesitating? She had worked on it for two weeks. I watched her everyday and night the score had some of the trickiest combo's I had ever seen even Andre was impressed.

_Jade_

_I ..don't have it_

_Jade your aware _

_Yes I am okay_ _ I don't have it!_

_So give me the damn F and get off my case_

_Damn you teachers are always starting chiz with me_

She kicked the bench storming off everyone looked at me knowing as well as I did that she would never not have it with her.

_Jade failure to complete the assignment no matter _

_How awesome the song is a automatic F and a incomplete_

_On your report which could result in failure for the year you get any less_

_Then 100 % of any assignment this year and you fail_

_Detention every day this week for your attitude I'm shocked Jade it's not like you_

_Oh stuff it already get off my case _

She was shaken beat red near tears.

_I don't need another lecture from yet another damn adult_

_Tell me if you care so much about me where were you this morning when I needed protection?_

Grabbing her bag shoving Tori out of her way making Tori lose her balance . I yelped as Trina and I grabbed her, Tori eyes were wide with fear as Jade kicked four chairs a few kids screamed as she tore out of the room. I swallowed feeling scared.


	11. Chapter 10 prt 2 Decisions

**Cat's p. o .v**

**Decisions **

The swinging of the door echoed along with her screams I felt like I should go check on her.

_Cat where are you going?_

_I have to check on Jade Mr. Anthony_

_No we will not give her the satisfaction of being a drama queen_

_You leave this classroom you get a F for this session_

A squeal escaped I felt Tori squeeze my arm how is this fair? Something was bothering her so bad it was killing her inside why wouldn't you want to check on her? I couldn't afford a f grade though . Why wouldn't she have the assignment? If she had forgotten it I would of gone back she knows that. I knew she was ready to explode but I already had a low grade in this stupid class if I failed I was doomed . Tori looked at me sighing one last glance at the door which was still reeling from her violent exit and I felt my heart squeeze my stomach rise as I lowered myself in my seat.I prayed she would be okay.

A million thoughts ran through my head what could of made her snap like that? How did she go from being so happy and loving and sweet this morning to raging monster now? Who did her wrong? Was she going to hurt herself? Where was she? Was she still in school? How much trouble was she going to be in? When would this class end? What was she talking about when she said protection this morning?

Everyone was paying attention to Mr. Anthony but his words were blurring in my head a few words danced through my head Attitude, professional , and being prepared or facing the consequences . I could feel my classmates staring at me in the back of my head blaming Jade but afraid to voice it all to her so by default I get it.

_Tell Jade to watch her back_

Someone whispered to me I whirled around who said that? Let me find out I will fulfill their damn death wish.

_Cat Your up..._

I swallowed as hard as I could trying to stand up Tori jumped up and helped me to the front I took a deep breath as she lead me to the piano. Jade was suppose to be my accompanist but with her not here Tori took over everyone was staring at me I felt myself shaking feeling sick another deep breath and I opened my dry mouth to sing.

_Once in a lifetime_

_What does it really mean?_

_Can it be? Once and done?_

_I don't believe in what they say_

_No more second chances_

_O-h no I say if you believe you can achieve_

_Sometimes it takes more _

_Then once try to climb a mountain_

_Life is made in moments little fragments_

_Of our lives time weaves them together _

_Sometimes time it isn't right_

_For some it's shorter rougher_

_For others its sweet roads to victory_

_Still I strongly believe in destiny_

_Is it determined before were born do we make it with the choices we make?_

_Misconception, lies fairyland don't believe in everything adults feed to me_

_Some say I'm lost in my own world_

_Does it mean young is too dumb_

_If your old you can't have fun_

_They tell me youth is wasted on the young _

_Foolish stupid making the wrong choices _

_Who's to tell me what's right for me?_

_Don't let facades of youth fool you cause youth _

_Has spark electricity we can start a flame lite this world a blaze_

_Any day any minute are we ordinary or are we exceptional? _

_Only time will tell but I know _

_I have the strength in me to be exceptional _

I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes thinking of my childhood.

_Strawberry kisses Sandy beaches it was summer days in my childhood_

_Laughing out loud daddy's hands lifting me up I was his little girl_

_Telling me I could _

_Climb any mountain pass any obstacle I miss those carefree_

_Days before my life was shattered_

_Pain so deep no one see's_

_Hide it away bury those tears no one should see my fears_

_Make believe fills my days _

_I learned very early what a exceptional actress I could be_

_I have to practice everyday_

_I'm stronger now from my pain I can feel it everyday_

_I'm smarter then people see me for_

_Look past the facade past the misconception_

_Stereotypical illusion maybe you'll see I was just a little girl _

_I trusted the wrong person so now I'm a little broken a little jaded_

_I'm happy I cry I'm just like you_

_I'm ordinary, I'm exceptional extra special Don't you see I bleed I bled_

_Who's too blame can I be forgiven?_

_I made choices I'm ashamed_

_I'm proud I'm tired and misused_

_Confused but I know_

_Roses hide their thorns just like the facade of youth..._

After I was done I bowed and handed in my work taking my seat my worry for Jade over shadowed the

joy of the reaction to my singing.

Finally the sound of the bell rung out I jumped up like a lighting bolt I shot out of the class. Shoving people out of the way as I ran.

_Cat wait up!_

Annoyed I looked back as I saw Tori , Andre rushing up up to me Tori was red and sweating.

_Cat slow down will help you_

_Are you sure Tori?_

_Yea_

_Why Jade hates you_

_Yea it's a cover Cat we both know it besides were partners _

_I might as well try to be her friend_

_Uh thanks Tori_

I was glad for the help Tori was so sweet always offering to help people even the ones who hate her. She's always so happy and positive.

We searched everywhere for twenty minutes.

Tori's cell phone blared out breathlessly she answered it. Turning to me she motioned to follow we ran past the school grounds and deep into the heart of Hollywood. As we got past the glitz part and deeper into the city limits the atmosphere changed. This part of the block always scared me it smelled like old stale piss drug dealers were pacing the ally's hookers were strolling their territory. Some old dude was passed out on steps in a puddle of his own urine and newspapers a bunch of strung out drunk gang bangers wearing all red and black were around laughing and joking around. I could hear the sounds of sex coming from one apartment.

Jade was sitting on a wall eyes closed she almost looked asleep her head against one of the walls she was pale very very pale even more so then normal. Tori ran ahead of Andre and I, god she was fast. I was breathless and dizzy I could barely stand .

_Sit down Cat before you pass out you look pale _

My stomach hurt bad so I took Andre's advice.

Jade was shivering sweating Tori slowly went over talking softly to her.

_Jade sweetie it's Tori please open your eyes were worried about you_

_Jade were here to help you please come with us_

_We need to talk it's going to rain lets get out of here_

Jade said nothing just turned away I could see her breathing was ragged and rough.

_Mr. Anthony was pissed Jade he wants to press charges_

_Destruction of school property public intoxication he swears he smelled Alcohol on you_

_My dad can help you he's a cop you need to talk to someone Jade_

_Jade we care about you and I know your hurting please trust us please open up to us_

_Were your friends despite what you think I know you act tough but it doesn't mean_

_You don't care I know music means everything to you I was the one who helped you get your_

_Play put on remember_

_I turned down Beck for you look you look you may not think I care _

_I know as much as you say you hate me you don't for once will you just talk to us?_

Jade turned to her slowly opening her eyes

_For a straight A honors student you sure is stupid Vega_

Tori threw her hands up but I sighed in relief thank god she had talked. Tori laughed as she replied.

_Insult me all you want Jade what I said stands_

_So which do you want me to do?_

_Huh what are you talking about Jade?_

_Shut up or speak out cause I can't do both?_

Tori let out a frustrated scream which made Jade smirk I stood watching them Tori buried her head into her hands.

_Thanks for your concern Vega but I'm fine_

_Really go back to school _

_Not without you Jade _

_I'm done Tori I can't take anymore today_

Beck came running up breathlessly dropping his bag while I was burying my head in between my knee's. I felt the pressure inside my head ready to explode , Andre rubbed the back of my neck which felt good.

Beck approached Jade and Tori. She looked up backing away her eyes betrayed her face she was trying to stay strong but her eyes held all the hurt and anger she held inside. When Beck asked her his question I thought she would go off.

_So what did you do Jade?_

She tensed up I could see it in every part of her body. When she finally answered her voice was was firm but sounded flat.

_Nothing_

She looked down sighing Beck kept talking to her I watched all the while my stomach was churning and my heart was pounding.

_Why don't I believe you Jade?_

_Why don't I care what you believe Beck?_

_Oh yea right cause you dumped me and tried to kiss Tori_

_So you lost any right to say anything to me..._

Beck sighed I sensed his frustration I knew his frustration cause I feel it a lot with her but unlike him I would never give up on her. Slowly I got up just as Tori made a vital mistake by reaching out to touch her. Jade shot up her eyes wide as she screamed out.

_NO! Don't touch me!_

Before I could reach her she lunged at Tori yanking her hand off her arm forcefully she was in a wild rage , Tori's eyes were filled with fear as Jade pushed her arm down, Tori screamed as Jade pressed her full weight down causing Tori's legs to buckle she fell almost crying out. I yelled out for Jade.

_Stop please Jade please stop!_

I grabbed her pulling her off her face was now fire red like my hair she was breathing hard..

Once I reached her I saw how bloodshot her eyes were she was the color of paste .

_Don't touch me were not friends Tori we never were we never will be_

_I hate you your always so perky so happy you have everything! _

_You have no idea what it's like to be me so why would you care!_

_How do you think you can help me!_

Jade didn't calm down she was only growing more wild breathing more erratic . I was worrying she was going to hyperventilate. I felt her body heat as I pulled her off the wall and pressed her to me. The heat penetrated through my clothes. I smelled the weed and alcohol on her. I swallowed in fear as I moved my hand over her arm and felt a bulge what was she doing to herself?

_Jade calm down babe it's Cat please your scaring me_

_Please Jadey I'm afraid something is going to happen to you_

Beck came up slowly and touched her arm between the two of us we got her to calm down then without waring Beck grabbed her. Robbie and Andre helped me hold her still as Beck rolled her sleeves up while she kicked at them. Screaming for them to get off of her my breath in took as I saw long red marks along her arms. Beck sneered as he spat out at her.

_Track marks Jade this is how you handle your problems?_

_Shut-up Beck get off of me!_

I kissed her neck letting my tears fall as I softly talked to her.

_No were not leaving Jade!_

Beck held her arms Jade gritted her teeth looking up at the sky.

_Oh god kill me now!_

Jade kicked at Beck getting his shin he cursed at her but didn't let go Andre grabbed her legs my arms felt like they would fall off they were hurting do bad.

_Calm down please Jadey _

_Please were just scared we want you to be healthy_

She screamed as she tripped over Andre and fell on me it felt like everything was knocked out of me. I let out a strangled cry as I felt my arm almost break. It was my cry that made Jade stop her eyes changed as she looked at me and kissed my head asking if I was okay this gave Beck the chance to grab her and throw her over his shoulder.

She screamed bloody murder as he lifted her up and headed to the school. She beat on him as she yelled out threats and screamed.

_Put me down you walking corpse!_

_For a corpse Jade I look pretty damn hot thank you genes!_

_Shut-up Beck and put me the hell down!_

With Tori's help I stood up shaking she pulled me close as she asked me.

_Cat are you okay?_

I nodded as we hurried after them Tori hugging me close as I rubbed my arm she kissed my head checking me out. We were both looking at my arm and not paying attention when Andre yelled ..

_Watch out!_

Too late we crashed right into ..

_Trina!_

We both yelled out as she looked up from the concrete.

_Aw man my pucca fish!_

_Trina you can't be serious! You know what happened last time!_

_But they made my feet so soft feel them!_

_No Trina put the fish back!_

_No way I paid $600_

_What Trina your insane!_

I interrupted them as I saw Beck, Andre and Robbie getting too far ahead with Jade.

_Tori we really need to go please I'm worried about Jade_

Trina's head snapped forward as she looked at Tori

_You found her girls?_

_Yes Trina we found her now we need to get her help_

_Well lets go then_

Trina hurried ahead as Tori yelled after her

_This doesn't mean I will forget about the pucca _

_Talk to my butt Tori_

I was near collapse as we reached the school.

I was never so happy to see Lane standing there he hurried us to his office where Beck plopped her on the couch we all collapsed around his office as Robbie locked the door. Mr. Sikowitz was already there. Lane knelled by her as she curled up into a ball on the couch hugging her knee's to her chest.

_Where did you find her?_

Lane's voice was filled with concern he was gentle as he took her hand she was shaking, couching he wasn't judgmental just worried. Beck answered.

_In a abandoned ally smoking weed drinking._

Beck brushed his hair back he was sweaty and dirty breathing hard red faced I felt bad for him so I went over and hugged him letting my tears over flow. He rubbed my back and softly talked to me.

Andre took over telling Lane as Beck comforted me.

_Lane she has track marks she shot up _

_I don't know what or how much_

Jade's eyes glared at Andre she could of cut us open and gutted us with that single look. Mr. Sikowitz pulled up a chair closet to Jade as he rubbed her back .

_Jade were here to help Lane and I were worried about you _

_I don't need help get away from me!_

_Everyone needs help Jade at some point in their life_

_Not me I'm fine_

_Your not fine Jade everyone can see that_

_Okay so tell us why did you audition for Hollywood Arts?_

She looked at him like Mr. Sikowitz was crazy. Going over I ran a hand through her thick long mattered hair. She answered her teeth gritted her eyes looking far away.

_The same reason everyone else did_

_I need you to tell me Jade every kid has a story what's yours?_

_Why is it any of your business?_

_Cause I'm your guidance counselor_

_Well Let me guide you to a new career counselor cause I ain't talking_

_Fine Jade I don't want to do this but I have to_

I was scared as I ran my hand over her slender but curvy perfect body my lips held firmly to her neck as I asked.

_Do what Lane ?_

He stood up shaking his head.

_I have to call the police Mr. Anthony and Principal __Dubois__ wants to press charges and Jade violated her parole when she left school and did drugs._

_I wanted the chance to talk to her cause _

_I know his class means so much to her _

_I couldn't understand why she did what she did but she won't corporate so I have no choice_

_Lane please no you can't! She'll go to Juvie _

_I know Cat but I have no choice_

Jade's voice was dead as she replied

_Go ahead do it_

I turned eyes wide heart pounding as I looked at her what was she thinking? My stomach felt sick. I panicked as my breathing grew wild Tori was by me instantly.


	12. Chapter 11 Good Girls

**Good Girls Go Bad**

**Carly's p. o . v**

_Carly is that you?_

_Yes Mom it's me who else would it be? _

Lord knows Spencer doesn't come around unless he's forced to he's too busy living the single guys life. Mom came out of the patio shaking her head she had her tea friends with her all dressed like 50 movie stars god it makes me sick. I never wanted to be like her ever.

_Carly do not get sassy with me I am just making sure you can never be too sure nowadays_

_Yes Mom whatever you say_

_How was school darling? I'm sure it was brilliant as always_

When was school ever brilliant? Really mom? Get out of your magazines and join reality. She came over and air kissed me thanks Mom am I not pure enough to kiss for real?

Whatever I was so over this.

I smiled polite and excused myself claiming I had homework even though I had no intent on doing any of it.

Everything was so neat and polished in this damn house god it was like living in a museum climbing the steps I ran to my room locking the door and calling Laura.

Within seconds she was there climbing from her backyard on my right to my terrace. I let her in my window. Closing the french doors pulling the curtains. I smiled for the first real time all day as I wrapped my arms over her hugging her she squeaked as she kissed me straight on my lips long and passionately. We fooled around clothes coming off as we fell on the bed hands exploring each others bodies as we made each other moan in pleasure and pain.

Naked and breathless we lay together sharing a blunt as we got high we laughed.

_Where the f... were you three today? _

_Gurl you know you can't leave my ass hanging like that B.H.P is hell_

_I know Carly I am so sorry but we had no choice_

_Fuck that shit there's always a choice at least that's what those stupid teachers are always_

_Shitting about …_

Laura Marie Robinson laughed so hard I thought she'd piss herself for sure. She slapped my naked butt as she rolled her eyes yea she was def getting high this was not her first blunt today for sure.

_No fro real Gurl its been a crazy ass day man _

_Remember that fight mom and Missy got into last week_

_Yea Missy was so pissed she left home for two days _

_Yea that's the one well the bitch called the five-o on her crazy ass_

_She feels Missy and Nessie are too out of control and need to reevaluate their_

_Priorities in life so she had them placed in some special program that helps_

_Kids endangered of turning to the streets see what real prison is like_

_Fro real yo that's messed up gurl wow_

_I know right_

She lit up our 2and one as she broke out a forty I felt the buzz start to set in.

_So how come you didn't have to go?_

_Get this Carly my mom thinks I'm the normal one_

We both started laughing I was crying from laughing so hard almost falling off the bed. If only her momma knew what her precious normal daughter did when we were alone.

_Well your momma is right you are good_

_Oh you better say that Shay_

She pulled me towards her my bare breasts dangling in her full view which she gladly took in her mouth as I straddled over her legs feeling her fingers slip inside of my opening. The moans came faster and louder as she increased her rhythms.

A feeling of peace overcame me as we drowned the bottle and smoked our 7th blunt I lay my head on her shoulder feeling my breathing ease.

_When will crazy ass get out?_

_Should be home soon _

_Great maybe we should_

_Shh..._

She silenced me with a kiss.

Two minutes later our bliss was shattered as the window cracked open and in jumped Nessie we scrambled to cover up cussing.

_Aw geez put some clothes on horny bitches_

_Like you should talk cuzz_

_Hey I can't help it if my hormones kicked in early_

_Whatevs you good?_

Nessie replied laughing they stopped their banter for a millia sec as Nessie said to her

_Yea I'm straight as I'll never be_

Nessie shoved her laughing throwing my bra at me.

_Where's Missy?_

_Crazy got smart with some bitch down in intake so they locked her stupid ho up_

_Aw damn cuzz fro real?_

_Yea fro real but she'll be awright ya know ain't nothing gonna keep a real g down _

_Fro sur.._

We pounded fists.

After dinner that night which was filled with questions about what colleges I applied to and when my next test was. I escaped to my room telling them I had more homework not a total lie since I hadn't even cracked my books yet but instead I took a shower and got ready.

10 pm sharp Laura and Nessie were at my window I sneaked out without a issue since Daddy was out of town and mom was soaking the sauna with some mixed drink.

We silently ran to my new red 2012 Porsche driving away we laughed as we blasted the new rap demo Missy's boyfriend Te'Shaun made.

Driving down from the hills to Crenshaw we watched our backs eyes open hands on our hips. The looks we were getting went from damn nice car , to wtf are these bitches doing here?

Once we arrived at the jungles we parked setting my alarm we got out and went to met up with our boyfriends as soon as we rolled up we were greeted with mix responses , there were at least 16 or 17 people chilling on the steps of the Red house , the owner of the brownstone nodded as we strolled up. Dressed in our skinny black jeans and tight flesh revealing red halter tops with our red bandana's we looked f...ing tight as hell.

I knew we were cool as soon as I saw them stop talking and start staring at our assets.

_Yo' was up __chicka_

The grin was visible as soon as it started spreading on my face extending my fist I pounded fists with Missy's b.f 's best friend G-Dawg who is pretty much the blocks playboy he has a different girl every week and has already fathered 6 kids form 6 different women and he's only 26. I felt his eyes traveling up my legs and going over every body part so I purposely walked slower and swayed my hips so he could get a good look his lips were practically salivating at the thoughts of what he would do with me.

_The sky Dawg that's was up was up wit you homie?_

_Ah ya know same ol same ol a new day a new pussy same old me_

_Fro real I feel ya dawg_

_Where's my boy?_

_Inside talking business but I'll keep ya entertained _

_I bet you could G_

_I bet ya could but I'm good_

_Awright awright I hear ya but you know where I roll pretty girl_

_I do dawg I do never forget it_

We both yelled out fists up in the air as everyone shouted.

_Black. P stones Bloods For life_

_Hey hey L.Y.G was blazing cuzz?_

I squeaked as Jose Romero my boyfriend came down the steps Jose is 15 and he is so fine only 5'6 only 122 lbs but he's built and he's ripped and no one messes with him hence his nickname Method Killa . Recently he shaved his head and got B.P.Stattooed on it with a picture of his little brother on it Flow Killa or as his momma named him Andres. Flow was only 12 when he was shot last month riding his bike to the movies.

Jose picked me up in no time and spun me around kissing me long and hard. Kissing back I held him strong as he picked me up pounding fists with his boy De'Juan Nessie's boyfriend we hurried up the steps deep in a kiss.

Settling on the bed Jose scattered Coke on a paper giving me a line we snorted the powder up. After doing a few lines I felt the calm settle on me as we split a forty.

The Rhythm got faster and harder I let out a poof of weed as Jose thursted inside of me harder sweating and grunting , I guided him inside letting out a deep forced groan making it sound natural kissing his rock hard chest running a free finger over it my lips covered his tattooed chest saying.

Guerreros paseo para siempre [ Warriors ride forever]

His sweat trickled down his body onto my bare stomach and thighs . Staring straight ahead I felt nothing thanks to the weed. After my 6th or 7th joint I pushed him on his back his grin was so cocky it was cute. Holding his muscles up for me he flexed making me laugh it was wet from my own juices. Slowly I licked his arm causing him to moan and ride me harder. My body moved to his rhythm as he fondled my breasts kissing them.

Once he was ready I settled over him coasting myself over his rock hard Jr it took a minute but soon we were rocking so hard the bed and walls were shaking. I felt him tearing me up he was so huge down there that it didn't take much faking on my part to get there. Smoking another joint I let him do whatever he wanted to me.

Leaving Jose sleeping in the bed I got up and showered before heading outside to join the crew. Missy was there I squealed she and Te'Shaun were kicking it on the steps chilling with Killa and baby killa.

I always kind of found them sexy Killa is 16 like we are his brother 13 but their both built from working . sharing a six pack as they joined a whole bunch of others in some dice game.

who was chilling with Killa and baby killa. I always kind of found them sexy Killa is 16 like we are his brother 13 but their both built from working .

I gave my best smile as J-Rod gave me a beer which I gulped down earning a few whistles from the guys and stare downs from the girls. Like I cared what they thought really?

Te'Shaun smacked my butt as I sat down earning him a whack from Missy who glared at him.

_So you gonna tell us who f'd you up baby girl?_

Missy grunted at Belvin aka Krazy fingerz but she lowered her head I knew she was steaming and didn't want to talk but its not how it goes down here when a O.G asks you a question you answer honestly or risk the gang's wrath being descended on you.

_Crip man the bitch was a crip _

_What set she repin for Vixxon?_

Missy grinned at Te's name for her Blood Vixxon fit her perfectly she sighed letting out a puff of weed before answering his question . My blood boiled as I saw her throat had been nearly slashed to death it was covered by a thick white gauze I was shocked she wasn't in the hospital.

_Ya know she did fro sur she be repin for School Yard Crips_

_Well then we need to teach those coffins what it means to f wit us then _

_Fro sur no one disses my girl and gets away alive_

_She leave a name?_

_No man but a homie said she called herself McCurdles_

Silence filled the air for a minute.

_Was up Boys why so silent?_

_You sure that was her name Vix ?_

_Yea for sure why?_

_Damn girl you did it this time_

_Did what?_

_You got yourself in some hot mess now_

_Why you say that Slim bone?_

Joseph Luke Bono 27 aka Slim Bone shock his head .

_Man cuz she's one of the baddest loco chikas out there fro real bitch has been running things_

_Over at S.Y.C on Crenshaw east for years well till she was locked up last time hear she be running things in lock up now to what did you do to piss her off?_

Missy squirmed in her seat but tried to play it cool.

_I never did nothin' I swear she just didn't like me from the second I stepped inside._

_Well no matter we gotta step cause we look weak for sure if this passes so be ready all of you boys lets plan._

While the boys were planning their own revenge us girls gathered to extract ours since it was one of us who were attacked. Lateshia Perry aka Shor-T Fabulous was the first to speak at 19 she was what we called a o.y.g original young gangsta when she spoke we shut-up even though Nessie and her didn't like each other she wasn't stupid Nessie knew when to shut it and respect.

_I got a location picked out remember how well our last job went well this is bigger and better the payoff is amazing._

_I found a Sushi place that just opened the owner is a nut job she's never there she usual spends her afternoons bringing her brat to auditions that she'll never land it's perfect we just need to take down that body guard. Carly that's your job use that sexy body while Missy, Laura, Jenna, Dallas and I handle the business inside once he's down get the car gurl and be ready for us. _

_You know the drill, right. I know for a fact that some S.Y.C be chillin there one is the crazy lady's nephew so it's perfect then when were done head on over to east side and shot em up got it?_

I felt excitedthinking about the money we would get and what I could do with the money.

I needed to get out of this house. Out of this town.

Just that morning mom was on my case screaming at me demanding I get better grades and talking but this future she had planned out for me. I wanted to hurl. Now I could let my anger out on these stupid Crips.


	13. Chapter 12 Admissions

**Admissions**

**Cat's p o v**

Jade's voice was dead of emotion her eyes glazed over as she asked me

_Why Not what do I have to lose?_

I felt my heart break I held her shoulder as I felt my tears fall down my whole body was shaking. I was angry so damn angry at her but I didn't show it I knew she needed me to be strong so I held my voice steady as I replied.

_Me damn it Jade me... you have us to lose_

I almost jumped from fright as Trina came up placing her hand on my shoulder. Her voice was full of pleading as she said to Jade.

_Jade you have all of us you have your dreams_

_You have talent I mean not as much as Moi_

_Still you have some in there so everyone says_

_Even if you are demented I mean someone will hir... _

Lane cleared his throat as he put his hand on her shoulder gently saying.

_Okay Trina thank you_

She shrugged going to sit in the hammock as Jade snarled out. Her voice laced with disgust, fear and depression.

_I am nothing_

She whispered my heart broke for the millionth time today tears burned my eyes over flowing my face. Running my hands over her body resting on her thighs . Beck dropped to his knees in front of her she buried her face in the pillow it didn't stop him from talking to her.

When he touched her she jumped back shrieking. I grabbed her hand I felt her breathing become fast sharp uneasy so I sat next to her rubbing her arm her eyes were wild as she glared at him.

_Jade relax I'm not going to hurt you_

Her voice was laced with anger as she spat out at him.

_Why would I believe you?_

_You already hurt me by betraying me _

_Jade you broke up with me_

_No I gave you a choice you choose not to come after me _

_Because of some chick you were screwing all along _

_Acting like I was too dumb to know all along so do not act like _

_You give a damn about me NOW!_

_Jade I'm not acting like I care I do care maybe not the way you deserve_

_But I do care_

_I know I wasn't a great boyfriend okay I get that and I am sorry_

_I know part of your issues are my fault and I won't forgive myself for hurting you_

_Please don't punish yourself for my mistakes and don't punish Cat_

She shot up back arched as she almost bit his head off sneering

_I would never hurt Cat!_

_But you are Jade every time you hurt yourself your hurting her_

_I see it in her eyes talk to us talk to her we can help you_

Beck was so sincere it made me cry as I felt her start to relax I moved closer and wrapped my arms around her.

Robbie came over looking nervous without Rex

_We all care about you Jade as mean as you are_

_Deep down your a true friend your there when we need you_

_When I was in the hospital you came and brought me black roses_

_A card signed in real blood it was creepy but sweet you even held my hand when no one was around_

_True you broke it but you tried to be nice_

She huffed but it didn't stop Robbie.

_Well it was Tori's blood_

Tori gasped as she said in total shock

_How did you ..you..my blood?_

_Ew..._

Jade gave a short laugh as she arched her eyebrows Tori looked horrified as Trina swallowed Tori looked at her sister who nodded .

Tori took it as a go ahead signal from the rest of us as she asked Jade.

_What are you afraid of?_

_Nothing_

_Liar _Tori hissed

_Excuse me Tori?_

Tori shock her head as she looked Jade in her eyes challenging her.

_Were all afraid of something _

_Not me _

_Liar Jade_

_Stop calling me a liar_

_Then stop lying! _

_Stop harassing me _

_No!_

_Why!_

_Cause I know deep down you'll like me_

Tori poked Jade who slapped her away.

_Jade something is going on with you _

_Skipping classes getting high drinking till you pass out_

_Staying out all night _

Jade shoved her away as she yelled back

_I am not! _

I swallowed feeling so nervous she was going to kill me for this betrayal but I was so confused so scared I had to say it.

_Yes you are Jade_

_Stop lying Cat_

_I'm not lying Jade_

She yanked herself away from me curling her body around herself eyes glaring at me. I didn't stop.

_I'm worried about you I love you Jade_

_Your hurting me your everything to me_

_Please talk to me _

_No I can't believe you would do this to me Cat_

She was almost hysterical again as she looked around for a way to escape_ . _Trina turned to him.

_Mr. Sikowitz help us please_

_Jade calm down please were trying to help you we all see how amazing you are_

_From the minute you auditioned I saw a sparkle in your eyes and a passion_

_I can see how talented you are and it hurts me to see you ruing that _

I managed to move as close as I could wrapping my arms around her she leaned into me. I breathed in her scent as I kissed her head she was shaking so I ran my hands over her arms. My tears wouldn't stop my voice was shaking as all my fears of losing her were voiced.

_I love you jade you know what I have been through_

_Don't put me through this please get help_

_I need you I love you I want you safe healthy and happy_

_Please let us help_

She looked into my eyes and I saw her melt I felt her warmth as she she kissed me back softly replying.

_I'm sorry Cat I never want to hurt you_

_If talking would help okay fine I'll talk_

Lane and Mr. Sikowitz nodded as she sat up higher. Lane took her hand and handed me a water bottle and tissues.

_I smoked weed you know that_

_It didn't take it away though so I started drinking vodka _

_Still I felt the pain so I shot up Cocaine _

Mr. Sikowitz asked her softly

_How much Jade? _

Trina reached up brushing her hair back. Sadly she asked what we were all wondering.

_Why Jade why?_

_Because_

She shrugged sighing deeply.

_I'm sick of feeling like this_

Lane asked her as he recorded what she was saying.

_Like what Jade?_

_Like a failure like everything is my fault like I'm not worth anything _

_Worthy of anything or anyone_

Lane leaned closer as he rubbed her leg

_Why would you feel that way? What triggers these feelings?_

_It's what everyone thinks_

_Who's everyone? Cause I'm pretty sure no one here thinks that_

We all echoed Lane's statements with no's and we love you. Lane gently asked her.

_Jade did something happen today to trigger this?_

_It's okay to talk no one will judge you no one will talk about this outside this room_

She seemed unsure as she looked around her fingers in each others.

She struggled with what to say and how much to say.

So I kissed her lips tenderly to let her know that what ever she said would be safe with us. I ran my fingers over her chin as my heart broke and the tears over flowed.

_My dad...walked in on me rehearsing for today's class_

_He was pissed he was drunk..he was mad cause it was so early _

_He didn't want George woken up_

_Jade what happened when your dad found you?_

Mr. Sikowitz asked stern but not harsh Jade buried herself in my chest. I felt her own rising and falling fast and staggered. She was shaking so bad it made me sick to my stomach the fear and pain she was relieving it all again and I was so mad at her dad I wanted to kill him.

_We had another blow out he told me I was stupid_

_I had hopeless dreams that I was a freak he was ashamed of me_

_That he never wanted this..._

She jested to herself

_As a kid and that if I couldn't be more like George then he wanted nothing to do with me_

_What did you do Jade?_

_I told him he was a dead beat father _

_Who cared more about his bottle and his slut then he did about me_

_I told him I didn't need him or want his approval cause I was disgusted by him_

Lane took a deep breath as Mr. Sikowitz shock his head rubbing her arm I saw the look of pity in his eyes that he hide away knowing she would hate it and feel ashamed.

His voice tried hard not to crack as he asked.

_What did he do?_

She kept swallowing she seemed unable to talk.

_Jade sweetie do you need privacy?_

She shock her head no at my question but every time she opened her mouth nothing came out.

_Jade.._

She looked up at Andre as he spoke holding her hand which she let him shockingly.

_What ever happened it's not your fault do you hear me it's not your fault_

Her voice broke as she spoke directly to him.

_Don't you see It is Andre I talked back to him I know I shouldn't talk back to him_

_Jade what did your dad do to you?_

_He..he..._

She sighed as she tried over and over ..

_He flipped I could smell the booze I tried to run but he grabbed me.._

She licked her dry lips Andre put a glass of water to her lips she swallowed it seemed to help as I held her and rocked her.

_By my waist lifting me up I screamed and.._

_He threw me down on the floor so hard I felt like my lungs were popped out_

_Then it was like a fire storm passed across my face he just wouldn't stop hitting me_

_Screaming at me that I was a loser like my mom and I was no good I was a bad kid_

_I was a slut and a whore I was stupid and useless_

_I was a disappointment he kicked me over and over again in my ribs_

_He ripped my clothes he took a metal fire poker and beat me with it_

_I couldn't.. I tried but I ..he was so much stronger then me.._

_I couldn't stop him I tasted the blood I felt my bones crack everything inside of me feels like it's floating_

_He kept pushing himself on me his breath on my face made me gag it made me sick_

_He held me down while he climbed on me ..he kissed my body .._

I watched their faces as she recalled every horrible detail her eyes filled with pain and tears and confusion and anger. I watched as Tori cried silently in Trina's arms as she rocked her.

_I screamed for him to stop he punched me in my eyes and my mouth_

_I pleaded but he just laughed as he slammed my head against the brick fireplace_

_He tore my clothes off and stared at me while I lay there naked and bleeding_

_He said I was a disgrace a mistake he regretted that I shouldn't be allowed to breathe_

_Then he took my music .._

She swallowed her throat seemed to get stuck Andre held the glass to her lips I tilted her head back so she could drink as I held her.

_He ripped it up in front of me he asked me how it felt_

_To have my dreams ripped out from under me_

_Then he threw it all in the fire_

My heart ached for her tears fell the whole scene played out in front of me. I could see my beautiful broken baby laying there naked covered in her own blood cut open bruised and beaten in agonizing pain. Watching while her dad tore her hopes and dreams all her hard work into shreds. Like it meant nothing I broke for her cause I was her ..

_Then he took the piano bench and he.._

Her breathing was heavy , Mr. Sikowitz came over and wrapped his arms around her..

_He used it to beat me with it over and over till I passed out._

Lane and Mr. Sikowitz talked softly to each other then came over. Lane spoke softly to Tori they came over and Lane took both my hand and Jade's.

_Jade were going to get you out of there_

_NO!_

She called out so suddenly so sharp every one looked at her like she was crazy then it dawned on me.

_She's afraid of leaving George_

_He's too young to defend himself _

_She has to take care of him_

Tori and Trina spoke quickly

_Jade calm down will figure out what to do with him he won't be left there_

_I promise Jade _

_Right now we need to get you out of there you can't stay there it's not safe_

_Were going to go somewhere where they can help you our dad has a place he takes kids and teens when their being hurt at home will go there and talk to someone okay?_

She nodded. I felt my heart sigh in relief.


	14. Chapter 13 First Step

**Cat's p. o . v**

**First Step**

Mr. Sikowitz drove us over to the clinic the whole way there I held Jade in my arms kissing her neck and arms trying to take away the feel of her dad's lips on her body she relaxed slowly in my arms. I watched the scenery as we went past torn down buildings and fire ridden houses drug dealers lined almost every corner gang members strolled all over the colors changed with blocks. I refused to let her go holding her running my hands over her body.

Tori and Andre sat in the back silently watching us and the changing scenery outside Robbie, Beck and Trina were going in her car.

I wanted to ask where this place is but I didn't want to break this moment of having her in my arms her head resting on my left shoulder , my heart gave a little squeeze every time my fingers hit a bruise. When my fingers landed on her delicate waist she smiled giving a little sigh.

I could sense her frustration and fear I knew she would rather be anywhere then here but she was doing it for me .I couldn't love her anymore if I tried for what she was doing. Her breathing was soft and delicate as she closed her eyes my lips kissed her head.

_Okay kido's were here Jade relax I know your scared but will be with you_

_Every step of the way this is the first step admitting you need help and reaching out_

He parked and opened the door for us slowly Jade got out Tori and I grabbed her arms she was still shaky and her breathing had gotten faster.

Lane got out of his car as Trina nearly took out a pedestrian crossing in the crosswalk as she honked yelling out at them Robbie was holding Rex so close I couldn't tell the two of them apart tears were coming down his face , Jade's body was shaking so hard Tori and I were having trouble holding her up. Mr. Sikowitz shock his head watching Trina saying.

_Oh dear lord who gave that girl her license ?_

_Prob the person who let her into Hollywood Arts_

_You know it was the coconut juice Andre_

_Sure Sikowitz if that's what your sticking to_

Trina swung dangerously into the parking space as Robbie fell out of the car and got sick on the pavement , Beck got out barely able to stand.

_Never will I drive with her ever again..._

_What's all over your face beck?_

I asked as he grabbed the door so he wouldn't fall Trina got out fixing her makeup.

_Her lipstick... she's crazy!_

He looked at Tori who shock her head sadly as she replied

_Yes Beck yes I know_

Lane came over rubbing Jade's back as we helped her into the building which despite it's outward appearance was very modern and sleek inside. Andre asked Lane a question as he held Jade up from behind.

_What's this place called Lane?_

_Good question Andre I'm surprised you don't know it's called R.H.O.T.Y_

_Why would I know that?_

He looked at Andre like he was insane Andre started checking himself out I could read his mind like a book he was checking to see if he put on deodorant if he dressed backwards. Tori took her free hand and patted Andre's shoulder.

_Your fine Andre_

_Phew so why should I know this exactly?_

Lane lead us over to a waiting room Jade practically fell into the seat her legs shaking nervously she was near tears Tori and I dropped to to our knee's in front of her.

_Hello welcome to R,H.O.T.Y's how can I help you my name is Teddy?_

A lady dressed in vintage clothes very hip came over to us shaking Lane's hand. He smiled brushing his hand over Jade's back.

_Thank you I'm Lane Alexander _

_I'm the Guidance counselor over at Hollywood Arts High School _

_I called about twenty minutes ago._

_I have a student here that is in need of help _

_Yes Sir I was the one who took the call and we have a Counselor ready to assist_

_Miriam can you please go get Mandy?_

_Yes Teddy right away_

Jade stood up and with our help but as soon as she looked around she started to freak out. Hyperventilating turning around I held her and kissed her head talking softly.

Tori squeezed her hand as she tried to joke with her. Looking up I saw another women come rushing up she was tall around 5'8 or so thin but built with long flowing light brown streaked black and purple hair. Shining green eyes and tanned skin. She was wearing a stylish black cargo pants and a fitted multicolored checkered shirt.

_Lane very nice to meet you I'm Dr. Mandy Simone lets go back to my office to talk_

_Nice to meet you Mandy sounds good_

_I'm the Guidance counselor over at Hollywood Arts High School _

_This is one of my students Jade West_

_Jade it's nice to meet you_

She panicked and tried to run Tori and I grabbed her as she freaked out.

_Let me go I can't do this please I need to get out of here!_

Tori blocked her so she couldn't run talking to her.

_Jade no calm down please you'll be fine sweetie were all here_

_I can't no Tori let me go_

_I'm going to be sick let me go_

_Jade no just relax take a deep breath and..._

She hurled right into the garbage can as I rubbed her back Tori held her Mandy came over kneeling down as Jade finished vomiting.

Once Jade was done she brushed her hair back and gave her some water.

_Looks like you've had a rough day Jade I hope we can help you_

_Why don't we go back to my office you guys can all come if you want to_

Trina and Beck stood behind us as we got up moving back past the waiting room the building was split into two layers the bottom was waiting rooms and the check in office.

Jade wasshaking as we headed to Mandy's office.

_So why should I know this place again?_

_Good question Andre because your mom here is one of the creators _

_Oh my god your Monet Harris 's son?_

Andre looked at Mandy nodding

_Your mom's awesome her and Spencer Shay created R.H.O.T.Y 's to help at risk kids_

_So what does R.H.O.T.Y stand for?_

_Reaching Hands Out To Youth were all about reaching to the kids who are at risk from drugs, alcohol gangs , sexual promiscuity. Kids who come from abusive homes some kids have all of these going against them. This office was built two years ago it's divided into two parts down here we have offices for our counselors and groups, we have weekly meetings for kids who are addicted to drugs or alcohol for kids who have been abused in any way there's a rec room where kids can come to get off the street. We have a survivors group, on the top floor we have exam rooms and treatment rooms where we hold kids awaiting transport to hospitals or shelters. _

Her office was amazing in a corner with bean bag chairs decorated in so many colors. Jade sat in my lap as I sank into one of the bean bag chairs.

_So Jade can you tell me what happened today?_

_I could but.._

_Jade be nice you promised you would talk_

_Cat really I .._

_Jade please.._

_Fine.._

She retold the story again closing her eyes rubbing her back I felt all the pain all over again as each word was just as difficult for her to say. Mandy was kneeling in front of us holding Jade's shaking hand.

_I'm very sorry you experienced that Jade I want you to understand that it's not your fault_

_What your dad did was very wrong now I have to ask you a few questions can you handle that?_

_Y..e..s..s I guess _

_Alright sweetie first of all is this the first time your dad's ever hit you?_

_No _

_How many times before?_

_I don't know I stopped counting a long time ago_

_Is today the first time you used drugs or drank?_

_No_

_Can you tell me what drugs you took today or have taken in the past?_

_I shot up Cocaine today, smoked __Marijuana_ , _snorted Ambien which I grounded up , drank vodka, and gin,_

_I've used ecstasy, lsd, OxyContin ,Meth, pink champagne, tequila, _

_How often do you use these drugs or drink?_

_Everyday _

_Can you define every-day for me sweetie?_

_I start most mornings by smoking weed then I usually snort Ambien or coke. _

_How much Jade?_

_I normally smoke two very morning, and about 5 ambein grinded up _

_I usually do a eight ball of coke sometimes more, I don't always drink but when I do I like to drink forty _

_Then after school I drink Gin if I'm upset I drown some rum._

_Alright thank you Jade for being honest now I have to ask you something very personal I hope you can also be honest with me._

_Has your dad has ever done anything beside hit you?_

Jade was speechless looking down her fingers which twisted in each of her hands. I hugged her closer Tori placed a blanket over her as she nodded slowly.

_Jade can you tell me what he's done?_

She buried her head in my chest I felt my heart melt as I closed my arms around her feeling her shake.

Mandy rubbed her back .

_He some.. he.. _

She choked as she tried to tell her eyes downcast she refused to look up.

_Sometimes he touches me..._

Tori gasped covering her mouth Jade's eyes glared as she stiffened I pulled her so close it hurt. Andre hugged Tori as she started to cry.

_I'm sorry I just ..please don't make me..I can't..._

Mandy nodded as she squeezed Jade's hand looking at Tori. She spoke softly to Jade.

_Okay I think you've done enough for now sweetie_

_I understand how hard this is for you and I don't want to push you is there anywhere safe you can stay tonight while we get this sorted out?_

I wanted to tell them she could stay with me but my dad would be away and I wasn't sure I could trust my mom I mean she had never hit me in front of anyone but I didn't want to push it.

_She can stay with us_

Trina and Tori said in unison.

_What's going to happen to Jade's dad?_

_Well Jade is going to have to give her statement to the police and their arrest him and charge him._

_Jade is your mom able to take you?_

She shock her head as I brushed her hair back.

_Any family around?_

_No _

_In that case I'm afraid she'll be taken into custody and placed in a foster home._

Tori looked panicked as she asked Mandy

_Can she stay with us? Our dad's a cop_

_We may be able to work that out can your dad come down and talk to us?_

_Sure I'll call him_

Trina answered.

Their dad got there within 30 minutes the grownups talked for a good twenty. Once they came back Mandy knelled in front of us again.

_Officer Vega is going to talk to Mr. Anthony to see if he would drop the charges against you Jade meanwhile you can stay with the Vega's._

_Jade you need to change your life these habits are going to kill you or get you arrested_

_Will you agree to go to counseling? You have to do something_

_Fine.._

She was pissed I could see it feel it but she agreed. We took her upstairs to get examined she made everyone but ,me leave she was still shaking as she undressed I could see the bruises and my eyes burned with unshed tears. I held them back trying to be strong for her. The purple and black bruises glared angrily at me making my chest hurt with anger. I kissed her skin she remained silent. They took

blood for blood work done then they needed her to pee in a cup the glare I got literally made me pass out.

I was so thankful burying my face into her head I let the tears fall I could feel her nails digging into my arm I knew she was mad and embarrassed and I would hear about it later.

The next half and hour passed slower Jade even manged to fall asleep. The feel of her breathing in my arms usually made me calm and at ease but all I felt was worried now.

_Girls_

Tori shot up shaking her head

_Dad what did he say?_

_He agreed to drop the charges but only if Jade agrees to anger management classes and substance abuse counseling and goes to rehab._

_She will I promise _

_Well then I suggest we go home and let Jade get some rest she's in for a hard time she's going to need everyone's help._

I could feel my eyes growing heavy as I laid my head on Jade's shoulder.

_Cat do you wanna stay with us tonight?_

_Can I Tori?_

_Yes of course will pick up Randy and George and go home._

_Thanks.. your a good friend._

Robbie looked at her sleeping form as he asked.

_Uh is anyone going to wake Jade?_

I shock my head picking her up she needed her rest.


	15. Chapter 14 Long Night

**Cat's p. o. v**

**Long night**

I was exhausted when we got to Tori's her mom was out which seemed to piss Trina off but I didn't have time to ask. Tori lead us to a spare room I changed Jade and laid her down. She never woke up sighing. I covered her up and took a shower, Andre was downstairs when I strolled down holding Tori they stopped talking when they saw me I saw Robbie was gone. Tori stood up looking nervous she smiled when she saw me.

_Find everything you needed Cat?_

_Yea I've been here before you know_

_True uh how's Jade?_

_She's sleeping thank god_

_Cat can I ask you?_

I tensed please don't ask me. Please don't ask me..my voice squeaked out.

_Sure Tori_

She looked down nervously as she sighed.

_Has Jade ever talked to you about this before?_

I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge as I turned back around sighing again.

_Yea Tori she has_

_So you've known ?_

_Yea Tori I have_

_Why didn't you ..I mean my god.._

I flinched it hurt to hear it said out loud my heart felt like someone had cut off a major vessel as I thought about what to say.

_Tori don't judge me okay you have no idea what it's like_

_Cat You've known she's been abused and you stayed silent?_

_He could of..._

_What Tori he could of what killed her? I know okay I know!_

_I'm not proud but she made me promise .._

_Who cares about a promise!_

_I do Tori I do Jade's scared I'm all she has she trusted me she doesn't trust anyone and she trusted me. I can't lose that. I know what she's going through better then anyone what's the use of telling? So he'll go to jail for a few months at best then he'll be back and he'll be madder then ever. We've been through this before it always ends badly._

_She just wants to be with her brother to protect him she won't risk being separated she would rather die then have him endangered._

_She's 16 she can't be his mother and .._

_She has to be you don't get it god stop judging her this is exactly why she keeps to herself and doesn't trust anyone people just don't even try to understand they just want to judge and accuse and.._

Andre jumped in hands up as I started to hyperventilate tears flowing.

_Cat calm down it's okay girl were not judging were just ..were scared and worried we've never had to deal with anything like this._

The door swung open as Mr. Vega and Andre's mom came in.

_Andre let her go just stop attacking Cat she was only doing what Jade asked she was providing the best comfort she could Jade needed someone to vent to someone she could trust a safety net and Cat was able to provide her with that what she did was right. _

_Jade's asleep I hear Cat?_

I nodded feeling my body shaky. She came over and gave me a hug patting my back.

_Why don't you go and get some sleep Cat Jade's going to need you tomorrow and for the next few months._

_Andre say good-night were going home._

_Yes Mom..._

I didn't look at Tori as I brushed past Trina and ran upstairs checking on Randy and George who were passed out reassured me . Jade was still sleeping peacefully as I slipped in between the covers and held her tight my head hitting the pillow as a million thoughts ran through my head. I tossed and turned my body hurt from everything that had happened and sleep refused to come. I lay awake imagines of Jade fighting off her dad filled my head her screams and tears all the fear she must of felt and the guilt ate me up. Maybe Tori was right maybe I was part of her pain maybe if I had spoken up maybe this wouldn't of happened . My head hurt god I just wanted sleep if I couldn't get any this would be a long painful night. I looked down to see her chest rising and falling Jade was my everything closing my eyes I pictured her sweet voice luring me to sleep and suddenly my eyelids closed.

" _Help me Cat help me!_

_Randy?_

_Panic filled my head as I raced all over trying to find my brother I could hear his voice filled with panic and fear confusion where was he?_

_Laughter evil laughter filled the air who had him? Where was my brother? My chest hurt from not breathing I couldn't breathe not till I knew where he was. _

_I yelled over and over running tripping over falling branches skinning my knee I yelped out in pain and fear shaking I got up and looked around tears pouring down as I heard him again._

_Cat Help me _

_Somebody help me!_

_I heard him clearly taking off I ran closer to where it sounded like he was yelling._

_Randy hold on!_

_I'm coming baby hold on.._

_I reached the cabin door he was screaming his head off. It wouldn't open I banged and kicked it screaming as it finally broke …_

_Randy _

_There he was laying there in a heap covered in his own blood naked and tied up screaming beat red my heart dropped as I ran to him...hands pulled me back I screamed as something slide in my arm and everything went black._

I shot up and screamed breathing hard feeling dizzy as I sweated feeling unease and a bit sick to my stomach.

_Cat are you okay?_

Tori came in sitting by me my heart was racing she slide next to me as she wrapped her arms around me.

_Jade's going to be fine babe will take care of her no need to fear_

She thinks I was dreaming of Jade but she had no clue no one did except Jade she's the only one who knew my secret and I couldn't talk to her not now not when it was my fault she was hooked to drugs and in so much trouble . She needed me to be strong.


	16. Chapter 15 Baby

**Andre's p. o .v**

**Baby**

The drive home from Tori's was way too long anytime but even more so in the endless heat wave you would think that past 9pm the streets would be barren but that's not the case in La.

The lush green rolling hills melted away as the sharp clear moonlighted stars came out it was a breathtaking view that even a hard core city boy like me can appreciate.

I watched the city going by the beautiful night sky illuminating it as we hit the pacific coast-way the ocean mixed with the moon and stars well it's what you would imagine La to look like once you strip away the lights it's just a natural beauty.

I could picture myself someday living on a beach front property sitting on my patio over looking my private beach reading the paper while my wife Tori reads her scripts. I could see her lounging by the beach as the sun kissed her beautiful body , I could hear her laugh at a joke that I tell as I lean in to kiss her...

_Andre!_

Mom's voice interrupted me damn we were just about to kiss! Thanks Mom!

_Andre darling!_

_Yea Ma?_

_Don't yea Ma me or I'll smack those dreads right off your head son' _

I tensed up mom was still in Dr. Officer Harris Mode don't mess with Officer Harris.

_Sorry Mom what I meant was Yes loving gentle wonderful mother how can I help you?_

_Well that's better Andre_

I smirked as she shoved my shoulder.

_No smirking_

_Yes Ma'am so wassup Ma?_

_Look.._

She cleared her throat

_I just wanted to tell you that I get your scared I know you care a great deal about Jade I remember you even crushed on her for a little while._

_Andre she's a troubled girl with a sad story I just want you to know she's in good hands_

_R.H.O.T.Y is a good program and Mandy is one of the finest counselors_

_I know I trained her_

_Of course you did Mom_

As much as I busted on her in reality I was so proud of her my mom is a strong lady who overcame a hellish life . Made something out of herself putting herself through school kicking bad habits. Struggling to raise kids finding love and proving herself in a man's world putting herself out there for kids who the rest of society has given up on.

Starting places like R.H.O.T.Y it takes a lot.

_Jade has a lot of issues to overcome were going to work with her to keep her out of Juvie_

_Mom she's abused she's using drugs but she's not a criminal _

_Yet Andre she broke laws tonight she's destroying property she's using drugs_

_I can only imagine what she did to get those drugs _

_Mom !_

_Andre I'm sorry but what these kids go through is horrendous _

_What these dealers make these kids do to get a fix it's disgusting_

_She's in trouble Dre and it'll only get worse she has a short temper_

_I see kids like her every day it starts like this ends in Juvie_

I swallowed I needed to escape from this the fear of her future was swallowing me whole and the scariest part was knowing as hopeless as I felt Jade must feel a 1,000 x worse.

We turned from the coast way into our residential neighborhood in Santa Monica I breathed a sigh of relief.

I needed music I needed it bad as soon as she parked I grabbed my bag running inside the house.

_Yo' watch it fool!_

_Your so rude Andre damn I hate you rude lil boys_

My 15 y.o sister Key-Shawnee Vanish Harris shoved me just as our dad came in the room and bellowed at her.

_Key-Shawnee watch your tongue_

_Me? Daddy are you serious? _

_As a heart attack daughter _

_He shoved me daddy he's running in the house _

_Andre say your sorry _

_Sorry your such a loser Key _

_Da~ddy!_

I stuck my tongue out pumping up my fist as I ran through the living room shoving her as I ruffled her hair making faces at her she turned bright red as she screamed throwing the soccer ball at me as I ducked and jumped from the Fourier to the steps. She cussed under her breath as dad yelled out.

_No throwing balls in the house _

_Uh no fair you always take his side daddy! _

_You treat him like a king!_

_That's cuz I am a king fool haven't ya heard I'm the king of Hollywood!_

I raced up the steps pounding my fist with the only man I ever knew as a father he pounded back as I ran to my room. Flipping the door closed I threw my back pack on my king sized bed pulling open the curtains.

The ocean sparkled grabbing my key board I went out on my patio overlooking the beach and started playing.

_And I'm in pieces, baby fix me  
And just shake me 'til you wake me from this bad dream  
I'm goin' down, down, down, down  
And I just can't believe my first love won't be around_

And I'm like baby, baby, baby, oh  
Like baby, baby, baby, no 

The whole time I was picturing Tori her sweet smile the way her mouth curled in a twisted grin the way her hips moved when she danced her laughter which is like music to my ears. Her whine when she was mocked by Jade.

Okay so most people and by most people I mean 16 or 17 y.o guys like myself would say it's not cool to like a dude like Justin.

However I'm a music man I love it breathe it it's just who I am and I'm a equal opportunity kind of dude if I hear great music I give them props for doing their own thing.

Justin man he's the real deal he can sing ,dance,act. He writes his own music. He got swag and girls think he's good looking. I guess he is if your into skinny blond headed white dude's...which I'm not but I do feel his music it touches me he writes how he feels no matter how raw it is.

That takes courage to perform it and put your emotions out there takes balls man.

Who am I to judge when I can't even get enough to ask the girl of my dreams out?

Sighing I looked at the stars tonight's sky looked hopeful cherry but inside I felt dark weighed down by problems too big for me to handle.

If I had problems dealing how could Jade be expected to handle it?

I was so lucky I have a wonderful even if she's a little too hardcore mom who has done everything for me. A man who isn't even my biological dad stand up for me he's been at every recital every concert and school play he's proud to call himself my dad. Even when I cried for a week straight after getting hit with a baseball and vowing to never do it again. He stood by me he held me comforted me told me it was okay to cry but to not let the fears keep me from doing anything.

Which it hasn't I just prefer not to engage in anything where some ball flying at 90 degree's is aimed at my body.

The point however is this he's everything he doesn't have to be he never treats me different then my sisters and brothers. Key-Shawnee, 15 Keynesian 13 Darren, 14 Jacob 9 we have our own rituals we enjoy Mt. Climbing and swimming, golf.

He takes me on trips to music shows my relationship with him is different cause I like different things Jacob and Darren are both hardcore sport addicts football, baseball, basketball, they go to games they camp with dad.

My sisters love soccer, softball karate , Key has scouts already into her for soccer and she's only 15. they like camping and fishing.

It's different cause were different not cause of our biology but cause were our own people and my dad gets it and encourages it.

I fight with my siblings but I love them and stand by them as they do me.

So with all this support I should be able to deal with the cruel injustice of the world right?

Yet I feel like dying when I hear stories like Jade's so if I feel that way how does she deal with it? Living in a world of constant pain fear with no one to turn to no one to hold her kiss her tell her she's beautiful and take care of her?

I started to see why Jade is the way she is and it breaks my heart.

No wonder why she treats Tori the way she does school. I can see now was the only place Jade could shine where she could be the star be loved and adored be #1 and then Tori comes along beautiful sweet talented Tori she got Jade's praises and roles. What did Jade get?

Kicked back and replaced she had to fight all over again the one place she hadn't had to fight before she now felt threatened unsafe for a kid like Jade it was dangerous.

Yet here Tori was Jade's victim and she was reaching out to her it made me smile ..Tori is incredible .

I had to make her mine if Jade could ask for help I could ask Tori out..couldn't I ?

Getting ready for bed I thought back to tonight how scared Tori was how it felt to hold her in my arms and how much I wanted to kiss her. Smelling her sweet fragrance made me insane seeing how she was wanted to help Jade made me proud. She was horrified by knowing that Cat knew about Jade's abuse and the fact she didn't tell. It made me wonder why did she keep quiet? Her words " _I know better then anyone" _haunted me what did she mean? I met her dad before he seemed really nice and worked really hard he would never hurt her would he?

Laying on my bed I vowed I wouldn't let another moment pass I would make Tori mine and I would be there for Jade no matter how mean she was..then sleep came.


	17. Chapter 16 Gone Forever

**Gone Bad Gone Forever**

**Carly's P.O.V**

_Easy for a good girl to go bad  
And once we gone (gone)  
Best believe we've gone forever  
Don't be the reason  
Don't be the reason  
You better learn how to treat us right  
'Cause once a good girl goes bad  
We die forever _

" _Jose baby I'm bored we need some action_

_What does my baby wanna do?_

Kneeling in front of him naked as I twirled my hair while he kissed my left nipple sucking I shrugged as I finished riding him.

I didn't really care I just knew I wanted some action and I needed it now. He laughed as he got out from under me.

_Fine I'm sure we can spring up something for you baby girl go get dressed _

_I'll get the crew together kay?_

_Sounds awesome_

I kissed him long and hard as I jumped off of him and went to dress. Minutes later we were all outside Missy handed me a forty as we planned what we were going to do.

I had to control my smile as I sat on the steps with my homies Jose was standing tall with his boys not an easy feet to accomplish for someone of his size not even adding the fact that Jose was one of the few Latino boys in the Bloods which was mainly made up of African American males. Yet Jose had earned his place in the world of hard core gangsta's he had done things that even his homeboys were afraid to do. Jose had been down with the since he was 9 his older brother Trace ''T-Beats'' had been a member he was 5 years older then Jose and he looked up to T with a burning passion. Jose is so talented at Art and at dance he used his talents early by making up dances in the streets to distract people while his brother and his boys did what they had to do rather it was robbing a joint or tagging a wall. As he got older he started to join the tagging crew he is magnificent at drawing these huge colorful designs and then making them come to life on walls benches buildings wherever he got quick to often being the fastest tagger in our crew plus his dance kept him fast and he was able to outrun the cops every time . He earned mad respect in the hood. When he was 11 he had his initiation him t-beats and four others broke into a rivals home someone named Money Thug he was in the Crips 14 years old shot him point blank three times shot his parents and little brother then he raped his little 12 year old sister before slicing her throat robbed the family and took his flag. All the ladies loved Jose because as tough as he was he was cool he was your protector and friend when he was down for you he was down for life he would even give his life and he treated his women with respect.

Plus damn he was fine what was not to love?

He always had the best connections to get a fix to which I need. Standing on the steps I took in the air it was breezy and cool which was a brilliant relief from the hot as hell sun that had been burning for days the whole neighborhood was alive and kicking with kids on every step and corner music blasting from houses windows open, the streets were a mix of old Victorian houses, brownstones, apartments.

_Yo listen up fella's my __Cuore_ _here wants some action she bored _

_That's wassup cuz?_ De Juan asked

_Yea dat's wassup so who's down?_

Within minutes everyone was in and we went down to figure out what to do.Laura was still looking nervous even after 8 beers she looked ready to piss herself. Sometimes I wondered why she was even a apart of this? I get why Missy and Nessie did it they felt trapped in the lives like I did parents who expected too damn much who cared to damn little to know what we wanted. Missy never felt smart enough Nessie was never pretty enough. They wanted different things Missy wanted to go into teaching she really enjoyed working with kids and Nessie wanted to model but their parents expected them to run the family chain of hotels that their grandfather their dad's dad run Robin's Nest was one of the biggest hotel chains worldwide. Laura really liked the business end of it and enjoyed going to business meetings and crunching numbers. She was always being asked to do endorsement deals something Nessie never let her forget. Their parents felt Nessie was too immature to handle the business yet and were always hounding her to change her ways. Missy and Nessie started dating Te'Shaun and De' Juan two years ago. Laura was never really inducted as a official member of the Blood Diva's but she was tight with all of us and she did things without having to be asked but I often wondered how true her love for the crew was would she die for us lie for us?

I know I've done things I never thought I would less then two years ago I had never even heard of the Bloods or Crips. I was still at home helping Mom with her fundraisers attending girl scout meetings. Planning my next sleepover with the B.H.P girls. Now I was never home and I was only passing school cause I had an amazing memory and could look at a book and memorize in minutes and it stayed. I had lied for the boys more then once I had hide them from the cops I disposed of weapons for them driven the getaway car. Sold drugs to kids beating people up stolen from people. I have done so much I didn't even feel like Carly Shay anymore now I was just Sangre Cuore which Jose had named me Sangre was Spanish For Blood and Cuore was Italian for heart. I liked it and lived by it on the streets. Even though I played two different roles I felt like Sangre Cuore more then I did Carly.

It didn't come without tests I had to prove myself no one believed a rich white girl could be down. People always had chiz to say to me Latasha really hated us she was always telling us we were fake cause we didn't have to gang bang it was a choice to her and her crew it was a lifestyle it was what they were born into it wasn't a choice it was what they had to do to survive. I shouldn't argue but I did I knew in many ways she was right while I could escape the poverty and retaliations they couldn't. Still I wasn't about to be dissed by anyone and we fought fist on fist all the time it was about even she won a bunch but I won just as many so even though she didn't like me she respected me. Nessie wasn't a big fighter she usually got her ass handed to her but I would fight for her she didn't earn much respect for her fighting skills and her mouth was a constant trouble

Yet when it came to shooting and selling she was a master she could get the lightest crack user to pay high money for the cheapest stuff by making it out to be the best.

Missy was even more hard core then I was she has already shot people and held girls down while the boys had their way with them. She's rearranged girls faces for looking at her man in a strange way. So while were not liked we are accepted.

I sometimes wondered if that good girl that I pretended to be for my family and school was still there somewhere and would she ever come back out?

We rolled up at the gas station and the girls and I went to work while the boys strolled inside checking the place out Laura fell on the ground pretending to faint as Missy and Nessie screamed , Lena Rollings 18, Mindy Stevens 15 and Melanesia Asia 18 ,Lateshia stood ready behind the building. Soon enough two of the gas attendants came rushing over to see what was going on. Nessie tearfully cried out that her sister had fainted and as soon as they guys bent down to see what was going on Missy slugged the one guy over the head with her gun and Lena and Mindy jumped the other guy beating him as Missy and I went inside using my best acting skills I could I started crying pretending I got in a fight with my boyfriend and needed to use a phone. The guy behind the counter who spoke little English tried to calm me down as he lead me into his officer to use his phone once inside Missy shut the door locking it he turned around yelling.

_What's the meaning of this?_

_What's going on.._

He turned to me and once he did I dropped my top revealing my plump breasts his eyes bulged out. I could see his lower member also bulging. I smiled as I ran my hands over my breasts making them look even fuller and more Delicious licking my lips, I gave a little sigh as I fingered myself down there.

_What are you doing little girl?_

_I no ..I am a good honest man I have a wife and three kids I do not.._

Missy slipped out of her skirt as she came up behind him and pulled his pants down her fingers working their way over his member too be honest I've seen much better and I knew this would take very little work so I hoped the guys were fast tonight.

As I suspected between Missy and I we were able to break the poor man down very easy as Melanesia and Laura kept a watch out outside the office with Nessie and Lena took the outside . I pulled him close as soon as he got a wiff of my perfume he was pudding in my hands he slipped inside of me easy as Missy let him fool with her breasts and moaned in all the right times. I got him excited and screwed him. Closing my eyes I didn't have to feel anything as I got him into total Ecstasy just so Missy got the signal the boys were done she knocked him out.

We dressed quickly and ran out laughing high fiving breathlessly we got in the car where Te-Shaun was waiting and rolled off. Lighting up and passing the forty's around I never felt so alive and I couldn't even remember what it felt like to be a good girl sitting at home.

Back at Jose's house we went to his room to celebrate his mom who was in the living room gave me a pound as we walked in she was so cool she didn't care who came in as long as they weren't an enemy she let Jose do whatever he wanted she use to try to stop him but she gave up after Trace went to Juvie and Andres was murdered. She was chilling with her boyfriend Dago as they watched some game on tv.

Locking his door he stripped down to his boxers I could see his hard on as he lite up we split the joint I stripped naked sitting on his bed.

_So what did we score?_

_1,000 we did good gurl plus we got loads of Condoms they should sell nice_

_Keep any big boy?_

I fingered his chest he grinned kissing me as he laid me down and crawled on top of me. Not that it ever stopped us 9 out of 10 times when we had sex it was unprotected but it didn't stop me from worrying at times. Especially after tonight.

_We also got some credit card numbers so we can rack up some charges there_

I groaned loudly as he shoved his way inside of me I could never get use to the feel of rubbers.

I Preferred natural but I couldn't take the chance three times in one night.

_How many baby?_

_About twenty or so the boys are already acting on them we can't wait to long the cops will be onto them soon as they report the robbery._

My moans only got louder as he got faster he was pumped from the job and he paid me nicely soon I couldn't hold back the screams even if I felt nothing just the pure excitement of tonight made my blood rush.

_Oh yea who's a bad girl baby oh you like being bad don't you?_

His hands on my waits and thighs only made me smile and nod as I let my body surrender to his movements.

School was a long drag I had trouble focusing on what the teachers were saying but thankfully Freddie was taking notes and I managed to copy off of him which helped Missy who was having even more issues then I was.

During lunch we escaped to her car and drove to McDonalds for some real food and cracked open some vodka between the four of us we drowned it as we passed a joint.

_What time did you get in you little hussy?_

I laughed shoving Nessie who shrugged confused.

_Put it this way when you were complaining to dear old dad you didn't have enough money for the new heals you saw at the mall yesterday I was busy getting your sister up._

Laura grinned as she leaned over and kissed me. Nessie spit out her coke as Missy almost chocked on her fries I looked at her strange.

_Please it's bad enough _

_I had to try to sleep through it this morning _

_Do you need me to lose my lunch over it?_

I looked at Laura who blushed sinking down in her seat I felt sick as Missy arched a eyebrow

_Carl's ya need to be a little more quiet if Mom and dad hadn't been fighting with this one_

_You both would have been busted cause I sur as hell wasn't getting up to save you two_

_What were you.. spying ew..Missy_

_No I wasn't spying_

She laughed Laura mouthed sorry to me as my face became a hot inferno.

_I passed out there last night man who knew getting shanked would take so much out of you_

_I did you crazy bitch_

My anger changed from being mad at Missy to being mad at the bitch who did this to her if I ever got my hands on her man would she pay no one disrespected my girl and lived to tell about it.

_Shh girls turn up the radio_

Nessie turned it up as Laura shushed us.

_Braking news on the crenshaw Gas station robbery last night 8 girls and 7 boys broke into the West Crenshaw Gas and Go assaulting three workers sending two to the hospital with minor injuries police suspect that the robbery is gang related and are now looking for Blood members in connection with the robbery anyone who has any info that can lead to an arrest are urged to connect police asap. _

We pumped our fists and hollowed it felt awesome to know we were having that kind of power and fear.

By the time we got back to school we were buzzed and feeling damn good, by the time I got to math I was ready to take on Freddie and he was more then ready to take me on. After class Freddie asked me if I wanted to study for our history test on Friday I had no plans with Jose we were going to lay low for a little while till Saturday's job so I said yes.

Mom was thrilled when we came inside and headed to my study room it was like old times studying with Freddie he always made me laugh like crazy.

_Okay So Freddie why don't we began with _

_What is the Holocaust and what does it mean in American history have we learned from it? _

_Sounds easy enough_

_Wait What does then name originate from?_

_Oh Carly _

He buried his head in his head and groaned I shoved him laughing. Starting to tease him.

_Oh come on Frednerd you don't know this?_

_Shut-up Carly_

He laughed sticking his tongue out as he spitted out.

_The Holocaust__ (from the__Greek__ὁλόκαυστος__holókaustos__: hólos, "whole" and kaustós, "burnt"), also known as__ the Shoah__ (__Hebrew__: __השואה__, HaShoah, "catastrophe"; __Yiddish__: __חורבן__, Churben or Hurban, from the Hebrew for "destruction"), was the __genocide__ of approximately six million European __Jews__ during __World War II__, a programme of systematic state-sponsored __murder__ by __Germany__, led by __Adolf Hitler__ and the __Nazi Party__, throughout German-occupied territory .Of the nine million Jews who had resided in Europe before the Holocaust, approximately two-thirds were particular, over one million Jewish children were killed in the Holocaust, as were approximately two million Jewish women and three million Jewish men._

_To American history it's a lesson of what happens when greed and dictatorship takes over and how hate can destroy lives and change history well that's what it should be._

_Have we learned? Some people have some haven't some are still controlled by hate greed and blinded _

_Okay give an example of what you mean?_

_Well gangs for one they think their fighting for colors and respect but all their doing is ruthlessly killing each other no one respects a killer except another killer . Killing is a selfish act not a heroic act_

_yet they want to be treated like hero's or Ghetto stars they aren't stars their just soldiers following .._

_You don't know chiz about gangs Freddie _

_And you do?_

My mouth fell open it was like he just recited the dictionary to me how was I suppose to respond to that? I couldn't let on about my involvement in the bloods.

_Who's laughing now?_

I groaned as he flipped open his book and asked me.

_The Holocaust began and ended in what year?_

_It Began in 1933 when Adolf Hitler came to power in Germany. It ended in 1945 when Allied powers defeated the Nazis. _

_Correct Carly_

_Yay!_

_You kids want any snacks?_

_No mom were good!_

_Are you sure? _

_Yes Mom!_

_Alright Baby you don't have to freak out I am just asking Freddie your okay?_

_Yes Ma'am_

_Very well then I can tell when I'm not wanted I will be in the office if I am needed_

_Good-bye mom!_

_Uh Moms _

_I know right Carly_

We both started laughing like crazy

_Hey do you remember when we were 10 and we hid from our moms in that crawl space ?_

He pointed to the crawl space in the far right corner I laughed remembering it. We had hid there for hours. Talking and spying on our parents. I fell on the floor laughing as I pointed to him saying.

_Yea do you remember what we heard and how you freaked out?_

_Car-ly no don't.._

I fell into his arms laughing his face was beat red tears were falling from my eyes as I laughed and laughed only silenced by his sudden kiss.

I didn't fight it I opened my mouth wide and let him kiss me fully as I moved my hands up his body and took his shirt off before he picked me up and moved me to my bed. I knew it was wrong he loved me and he wanted to be with me only but I didn't love him I just wanted sex and I used him to get it. I should of felt like crap but I didn't.


	18. Chapter 17 Stressed Out

**Stressed Out**

**Cat's P.O.V**

Jade was quiet all day barely even speaking up in class she didn't torment Tori it was like she was drugged on sleeping pills. She didn't eat she just wanted to sleep putting her head down on my shoulder or lap staring out the only reason I knew she was alive was when I would stroke her hair and hear her sigh.

After school we decided she needed a little TLC so we took her to the beach Tori had to run ahead to her after school job.

The sun seemed to wake her up she stripped down to her bikini my eyes smiled as I saw her in her tiny bikini she was amazing. After laying out in the sun for awhile we decided to go for a swim . Jade seemed so happy when she was swimming I watched her go further out afraid to go to far myself.

Tired and sore I got out and went to dry off. Beck came up with his girlfriend that Jade excused him of cheating on her with. I caught Robbie staring at me rolling my eyes I sighed I mean I know I'm hot but did he have to stare?

Beck came over with his arm over that girl's waist as he asked me.

_Did she talk more today to you?_

My eyes lingered over them a fire filled my soul as I spat back at him.

_Look Beck I like you you've been a great friend to me_

_However you hurt Jade bad you lied to her and used her_

_You said mean things to her and acted like she was this awful person_

_All the while you were screwing that thing here_

The girl sighed her head on Beck's shoulderpicking up her head she looked at me as she spat back out.

_I have a name you know!_

_You don't have to be disrespectful_

I eyed her huffing

_Felines have dignity we don't roll in the mud go back to your pack_

Trina laughed gasping

_Cat! _

_If she wants to roll with the big Cats she needs to get off her back_

_Take it like a pit bull not a.._

Her hand slapped me hard across my face I gasped so did Trina shaking my head to get over the shock of the fact that she had hit me. I felt my fire burn me up before I could stop myself I swung and punched her as Beck yelped jumping back. She grabbed my shirt as she pushed me down on the hard hot sand. I was never a fighter and I was in over my head but I wasn't going down either this chick had hurt Jade by being with Beck and that pissed me off her lack of regard for anyone else feelings.

Her hand imprint would be engraved on my check forever as hard as she hit me screaming I pulled her hair causing her neck to snap back as Trina grabbed her pulling her off Beck was yelling at her as I got up kicking her shin she yelped as I ran off.

Breathlessly I stopped at the rocks miles down the beach my face hurt my stomach was cramping bad my head and neck hurt and I felt something wet in between my legs . Looking down I felt my face was flushing. I needed a pad and fast the cramps were so serve I almost doubled over Jade was still out to sea she would never see me so I took off to find Tori.

My legs were weak and stiff but I pushed myself further till I reached the boardwalk Tori worked on the east side and the boardwalk was packed I prayed it wouldn't seep through and I could make it to the restaurant . I was shocked I didn't pass out my whole body was on fire but I made it to Kinney's Original Retro shack where Tori was a waitress at Mon- Wen and sang at Fri-Sun Thursday were her day off.

Searching for her I rested a moment loving the air condition ..

_Cat_

I jumped screaming as she skated up to me carrying a full tray of food. Covering my heart I tried to calm down.

_Your face is as red as your hair_

_What's going on?_

_Tori_

I was breathing too hard to even speak to her Tori's arm held the the tray up she's really strong but I knew waiting by me must make her arm hurt.

_Go deliver it before you drop it_

_Okay thanks go to the locker rooms we can talk there_

_Kay Kay_

Slowly I walked back to the restaurant thankfully it was a slower night and not so full but not so good for her tips.

Sitting down on the bench I felt sicker and sicker.

_What's happening Cat?_

I looked up grateful when she placed a cold cloth over my forehead my face became redder as I muttered.

_I need a fav for you_

_Sure Cat what?_

_Uh.. I kinda..oh god_

_What's going on Cat?_

_I got my period Tori and I need.._

She giggled furthering my embarrassment.

_You need supplies?_

I nodded weakly she hugged me awing.

_Thanks Tori_

I mumbled coming out of a stall after-wards she had given me some tampons a change of clothes.

_No prob Cat are you okay?_

_No I feel horrible like I'm going to_

_Oh god_

I covered my mouth as my stomach came up quickly I ran back into the stall as I heard Tori oh.

I let out a breath as Tori lead me out to Trina's car while we waited for Trina.

_Text Jade and let her know to take your car to my place_

_Kay Tori thanks_

The cramps and dizziness were at full force , I sent a text to Jade as Tori waved to Trina who came up beat red.

_Sorry I was flirting with a really hot life guard _

_Oh_

Tori giggled bumping her hip into Trina's.

_Any luck?_

Trina huffed

_No he's gay yuck_

_All the cute ones are gay or married or dumb as rocks or prettier then me_

_As if that's possible_

_True , True_

_Jade got my text she'll meet us there after she picks the boys up_

_Perfect lets go girls Cat hold on to me babe_

_Kay Kay Thanks Tori_

Tori and Trina got in as I felt Tori's arms hold me. I fell asleep thankful for such a awesome friends.

Later that night as I lay in Tori's bed after two pills I felt my body relax Jade had gotten the boys feed and bathed and put to bed no easy task since Randy was all hyped up after figuring out lighting bugs light up. He couldn't stop talking about it. Poor Jade had to hold her tongue back from talking about killing them her favorite childhood activity.

Finally it was near quite inside except for Trina's singing Tori moaned as she banged on the wall.

_Trina stop no matter how much you shriek the cats won't respond!_

_I feel sorry for you Tori_

_Everyone feels sorry for me Cat it doesn't help living with her_

_Ow _

_Cat are you okay sweetie?_

_I don't know I never had cramps this bad_

_Maybe you should see a doctor_

_Ew_

_I know but if your in pain something is wrong_

_Only if you'll go with me_

_Of course Kitty_

She leaned over me grinning I felt my face blush as my eyes scanned Jade's perfect body I wanted her so bad she looked so ripped and toned. Jade's hands slide over my body making me relax and feel safe I could smell her amazing lotion. She leaned over me my heart pounded harder and faster.

_Not now Jadey_

_Whats the matter kitty doesn't like what she see's?_

_Kitty likes very much but she wants it for her eyes only_

_Meow I didn't know you could be so possessive_

_Jadey likes_

I gasped as her lips descended covering my dry chapped lips god she kisses so sweet I ate her up arms locked around her delicate body she picked me up laying under me holding my body so gentle I didn't feel any pain. My whole body relaxed as our hands explored each other.

_Oh my god get a room you two_

Tori groaned

_Why don't you get a room_

_I have one Jade your in it_

_Jump off a roof _

_I'll get water you two will need it _

_Since your intent to suck each other dry_

Tori left as Jade and I kept kissing and touching each other till we couldn't breath anymore and fell beside each other .

Sleep came quickly thanks to the pills Tori had given me I was grateful to fall asleep locked in Jade's arms.

At some point in the middle of the night Jade woke up screaming out.

_Mommy no..Mommy please.._

I shock her slightly as she tossed and turned screaming. I looked for Tori but she wasn't there.

She shot up gasping as sweat poured down her body holding her I kissed her and reassured her she was safe but the terror in her eyes told me.

I could never replace those horrible imagines she carried with her.

Slowly I helped her to the bathroom as soon as we were there she dropped in front of the toilet bowel vomiting violently into it I held her hair back as she emptied herself.

Silently she wept into my arms as I held her feeling the tremors of her body rubbing her back arms and shoulders softly she cried for her mom and for herself every word and every tear she shed broke my heart all over again.

Time passed slowly as she shock less and slowly stopped crying ..she stood up washing her face..

_Cat, Jade?_

_Tori?_

My voice squeaked out as she scared us she replied with a yes Jade looked panic whispering to me.

_Please don't say anything_

I nodded as I cleared my throat and tried to sound calmer.

_Tori yea we had to pee will be out shortly._

_Thanks Cat can you bring me my bag so I can freshen up a bit?_

_Sure Jade_

I went out Tori was there with Andre holding his hand I smiled they were so cute together.

_Everything okay Cat?_

_Yea Andre uh Jade she just needs her bag be right back._


	19. Chapter 18 Fall

**Fall**

**Andre's p.o.v **

**5pm**

Trust..that's the most important thing in any relationship right ..growing up in a family like mine I learned very quickly that trusting someone can be the best and worst mistake in your life it all depends on who you trust and what they do with that trust.

With Tori I know it's the right person she makes me laugh I smile the widest I ever smile when I'm with her and I trust her with my most inner thoughts feelings dreams and music.

I know she's the one but I was so nervous I had been hurt in the past and the last person I trusted broke my heart in the worst way and she broke my trust.

I know I can't live forever stuck in the past but could I risk my heart again? What if she said no? What if she said yes? What if I suck as a boyfriend?

A million thoughts ran through my mind as I tried to find the best way to tell her, the best place? Our lives were so hectic. Someone always had some emergency just like tonight Cat needed Tori she pulled her away just as I was about to ask Tori out. I mean I know it was a true issue and I wasn't mad or anything I was a bit worried really I mean Cat looked pretty pale and she seemed so quiet not Cat like.

Still every moment that passed sapped my confidence I was anxious and nervous for awhile I was able to keep busy with Tori leaving we were short at work so I filled in for her and took her tables.

Once I was off work however it all hit me and I knew I needed something to distract me and music wasn't helping every song I tried to write ended with the words chicken gutless coward so I hit the beach watching as kids ran around chasing each other in the sand bury each other surfers trying to catch the perfect wave.

As the sun set and I walked over the boardwalk I was taken in by the sights and sounds around me Venice was so alive and so passionate.

I watched as a young Justin look alike performed as him his moves and his voice were as smooth as the real J.B and as I listened to him I felt him move through me.

_Whoa, ooh  
Well, let me tell you a story  
About a girl and a boy  
He fell in love with his best friend  
When she's around, he feels nothing but joy _

It was true whenever Tori was around my heart felt like it was flying and I never felt that way in my life sure I liked girls before and I dated I even thought I was in love but never did I find myself tripping over invisible things never did I find myself smiling in the darkest times just from the mere thought of her. I never felt so much joy not even as a 8 year old opening my new baby grand piano on Christmas morning or as a 12 y.o accepting Jesus into his life.

_Did you know that I loved you or were you not aware?  
You're the smile on my face  
And I ain't going nowhere  
I'm here to make you happy, I'm here to see you smile  
I've been wanting to tell you this for a long while _

_What's gonna make you fall in love?  
I know you got your wall wrapped all the way around your heart  
Don't have to be scared at all, oh, my love  
But you can't fly unless you let yourself,  
You can't fly unless you let yourself fall _

The lyrics rung true how could I ever know if Tori loved me to or if this would work if it didn't open myself up and risk the fall?

Sucking my breath in I texted her a quick text .

**Meet me at the boardwalk West side in 20**

I waited for her response as I listened to his music and watched this little 8 year old dancing for tips. I threw a 10$ bill in he grinned and tipped his hat at me. I remember being that 8 year old kid just praying someone would hear me and believe in me.

**Okay Andre be there as soon as I can**

I smiled reading her text then ran over to the beach to do what I needed to do.


	20. Chapter 19 Believe

**Believe**

**Tori's p. o. v**

Exhausted I settled into the couch as I closed my eyes I still had tons of homework I had to do but my arms and shoulders ached so bad. I didn't want to move, I needed to do them I should do them but my body absolutely refused to move.

Trina was still trying to break the windows with her singing how Cat and Jade could sleep was beyond me.

I needed quiet I needed to think my head was spinning so many things to do and I still didn't have a date to this Saturday's dance at school what the heck? Why was it so hard for a decent good looking guy to ask me out? I mean sure half the football team had asked me and some were hot but no one I really liked most were too dumb or too pretty the others just wanted to get in my pants and I wasn't down with that.

_Rapunzel, Rapunzel, please lay down your hair  
Cause the way that you're dropping, it's making me stare and  
I know that you're rocking, those jeans that you wear  
Them curves got me going insane girl I swear, ha  
Anything you wanna do we can do that  
When you walk by all of us like, "Who's that?"  
Like, "Damn, wanna do that",  
Who knew you two would do that  
I mean all that  
Capture this moment like kodak oh yeah, oh yeah  
Tell me where you wanna go, I can take you there  
We can fly across the globe baby don't be scared  
Don't be scared, baby don't be scared, no, no  
_

My ringtone for Andre blared out waking me up as my eyes struggled to keep open shaking my head I reached for it smiling as I read his message I wondered what could be so urgent.

Good I could get Trina to shut up.

_Trina the cats are outside they formed a community watch team and their telling you to watch out cause if you don't stop shrieking their sending the dogs after you._

_Shut-up Tori just because your jealous doesn't mean you have to be mean_

_No but it's an excuse_

_Trina you remember those really expensive shoes you saw at rave last week?_

Her eyes took a far away look in them as her mouth hung open I swear she even drooled.

_Yea and daddy wouldn't let me get them stupid cheap tight.._

_Trina their 700 $ _

_I know right he's acting like it's a million it's only 700_

_Yea only_

_So what is this a dump on Trina day look I helped your little friend_

_I know and I wanted to say thank you that's why if you'll drive me to Venice I'll buy you..._

Before I could get out those shoes she was off ..

_Um Tri.._

Ah never mind I was going to tell her she was still in her see through pj's but what the heck why ruin this I mean it was costing me 700$.

What did Andre want? His message was so cryptic did he write a new song and want me to hear it? I know the boardwalk always inspires him. Still he usually waited till he got home and perfected it before showing me. Maybe he got a gig and wanted to celebrate.

It couldn't be ..Nah he didn't feel that way towards me.

I texted him back smiling as I sighed closing my eyes the wind ripping through my hair.

_Oh my gawd Andre wants to meet you that's why were going out at 8 pm omg lil sister!_

I shot up looking at her as I saw my cell was laying on my lap glaring out the message as she over looked my shoulder I growled as she laughed hitting my shoulder.

_It's about time Tori geez I was growing old waiting for you two to get together_

_Huh?_

_Oh please a sister always knows you like him_

_How did. I do not I mean I like him he's a friend but I don't.._

_Oh Tori Tori stop lying your a worse liar then I am a actress or singer_

_Hey no one's that bad at anything _

She shoved me playfully as we coasted down the freeway.

The scene was beautiful and looked like those Tv commercials.

_Tori I know it's scary when you love someone and you don't know how they will feel for you_

_I know it's a risk giving someone your heart and hoping it won't break but it's worth the fall_

_When you find someone who's willing to die for you love you for who you are and go to the ends of earth for you.._

_Why Andre hasn't done it is beyond me but be a Vega Woman and go for it_

_Don't let what's happening to mom and dad stop you_

_What are you talking about?_

She was silent staring straight ahead I saw her throat move as she swallowed.

_You know mom and dad have been fighting?_

_Yea so all married couples fight dad's a cop he puts his life on the line all the time it's stressful_

_Mom has the two of us to worry about plus her job_

_Tori it's more then that_

_What do you mean Trina?_

She sighed looking nervous as she pulled into the parking lot. Shutting the car off she took my credit card but she didn't grin as she sighed she was almost shaking.

_Mom's having a affair I heard them arguing _

_I see her coming home late at night when she thinks were asleep_

_She's usually in some skimpy dress she does it a lot when Dad's on a late case_

_She hides her phone records I found them I told dad_

_You what?_

_I had to Tori dad doesn't deserve that he's a good hard working man_

I was shaking and crying as I shock my head she tried to reach for me but I shoved her away.

_Liar how could you!_

_You caused their fighting Trina you should of never of said anything!_

_It's their business not ours_

_Get away from me!_

I ran not stopping even though I heard her calling to me even though my legs hurt and I was ready to drop. I just ran and ran mom wouldn't do that she just wouldn't she's a good kind sweet devoted woman she goes to church she's a good christian she reads the bible she would never hurt dad like that.

My legs gave out as I fell on the boardwalk looking down I saw in giant letters written out in the sand .

_**Tori Vega will you go out with me?**_

It was written in a heart and there stood Andre grinning wide I started crying all over again as I nodded unable to speak.

He ran to me scooping me up as he dipped me I was dizzy but for the first time in a while I was happy as I leaned up he brushed my hair out of my face as our lips met in the middle of the air and we kissed long and soft.


	21. Chapter 20 Shocks And Reactions

**Shocks and Reactions**

**Where Are You Now?**

The whole way home Andre sung to me keeping me smile as the wind ripped through my hair and relaxing me. His voice was smooth as his lyrics touched me even though it was a little cheesy it was what I needed to make me laugh.

_Now I can see it girl,  
You aint gotta say nothing,  
Your lips are calling me,  
Like they wanna do something,  
I feel the chemistry,  
Yeah you're into me,  
A little kiss is a definite possibility,_

I felt my mouth watering as I watched his face so sweet like a milk chocolate bar waiting to be savored and devoured my lips which had been dry now felt wet with anticipation.

He parked the car on top of a hill over looking La I could see all of Hollywood it was breathtaking as we got out to sit on top of the car he wrapped his arms around my waist as I turned to him.

_So a kiss huh?_

_Yea baby but only if you want _ _  
_

_Oh I want but I want .._

_What do you want baby?_

_I want..._

He never let me finish as his lips descended onto mine my whole body melted into his arms and lips and I didn't fight it I just enjoyed it closing my eyes as he lowered me to the car and we kissed and kissed till our lips were sore and numb.

_So does this mean were like _

_Um Boyfriend and Girlfriend?_

_Yea I believe it does Andre_

A smile spread through his lips so wide it made me blush and bury my head in his chest. We laid there for a long time watching the stars till sleep started to take over and we headed home.

Trina's car was there so were my parents but it was strangely quiet I started to worry. Calling out no one answered for a few minutes Andre squeezed my hand whispering to me that it was late and everyone was prob asleep. I giggled feeling his hot breath on my neck as we went to check on Cat and Jade. My bed was empty and the bathroom light was on.

I called out and Cat's voice squeaked out I wondered if she was alright then she appeared grinning.

Wiping the sleep out of her eyes she came over grabbing Jade's bag.

Once Jade had the bag Cat came out sitting on my bed grinning as she looked at us.

_Oh my god are you two together?_

_Yay ! Oh rainbows and sunshine keep shining I'm so happy_

_Jadey Jadey wait till you hear..._

_Ah..._

Andre and I ran into the bathroom when we heard Cat's scream I covered my mouth as I saw Jade sitting there with a needle in her arm. Her eyes went wide as Cat trembled crying full tears I wrapped my arms around her.

_Jade no why Jade why please stop please _

_Your hurting yourself and me please I love you_

_Don't do this you don't have to_

_Cat I'm sorry but I .._

_No! I'm sick of sorry _

_I want you to stop saying _

_I'm sorry and I want you to stop using!_

_Please Jade take my hand I will be your strength I will be your rock_

_You don't have to shoot up _

_I promise you I will be your arms that catch you when you fall_

_Jade.._

I saw Jade swallow as Cat dropped to her knee's taking Jade's face in her hands something I would be to afraid to do as I gripped Andre's hands. Jade's hands shock as she slowly took the needle out of her arm her she looked at Cat who wrapped her arms around Jade and lifted her up Jade rested her head against Cat's shoulder. I breathed a sigh of relief Andre squeezed my arm going over to take the needle Jade's eyes followed him making me nervous it was never a good idea to try to take a needle away from a heroine addict. I prayed silently that Cat could handle her.

Andre was slow as he went over talking slowly Jade's eyes followed her knee's shaking as he gently

Reached over gripping the needle pulling away.

_No!_

Jade screamed and lunged I screamed as she leaped for him but Andre was too fast as he pulled away Jade's face was full of panic as she fell to her knee's throwing up. Cat held her as I ran to Andre shaking. He held me comforted me just as Trina ran in.

_What is going on in here?_

_I need my beauty sleep why are you freaks.._

_Oh...my should I get Mom or Dad?_

I looked at Cat she shock her head pleading for her not to swallowing against better judgment I shock my head to Trina still not wanting to talk to her she sighed and turned and left.

_Tori I know your mad at me for telling the truth but if you need me.._

I said nothing she sighed..

_Whatever get over yourself little sister we all make mistakes_

She closed the door looking sad was I being immature? Whatever I had bigger issues to think about like the fact that Jade was sick all over my floor and Cat was scared to death.

We got her cleaned up and helped her over to the bed Jade was shaking all night sweating Cat and I held her Andre stayed by us all night as I felt myself almost get sick as I saw her eyes roll to the back of her head.

Sighing Andre started to sing as I closed my eyes holding Cat who was holding Jade all I could do to keep from crying was to concentrate on his voice the whole time I wondered where was Jade? Was she lost in her own little world? Where was Cat for that matter? She looked so scared so young yet she seemed to possess a maturity we had never seen from her as she held Jade stroking her hair humming softly. Andre's voice lead us all to another place I smiled as I felt sleep come over me.

_Where are you now  
When I need you the most  
Why don't you take my hand  
I want to be close_

Help me when I am down  
Lift me up off the ground  
Teach me right from wrong  
Help me to stay strong

Take my hand and walk with me

_I need you to set me free yeah_

[Chorus:]  
Where are you now  
When nothing is going right  
Where are you now  
I can't see the light

Where are you now,  
When I need you the most?

I need you  
To need me  
Can't you see me  
How could you leave me  
My heart is half empty  
I'm not whole  
When you're not with me

I want you  
Here with me  
To guide me  
hold me  
and love me now

Why don't you take my hand?  
I wanna be close.  
Take my hand and walk with me, yeahh.

[Chorus]

So take my hand and walk with me.  
Show me what to be, yeah  
I need you to set me free, yeahh.

Where are you now?  
Now that I'm half-grown.  
Why are we far apart?  
I feel all alone

" _You'll never be alone Jade not as long as were all drawing breath.._

I whispered it but I think she heard me cause I got a scowl._.  
_


	22. Chapter 21 Losing It

**Losing It**

**Andre's p. o .v**

Deep breath take a deep breath dog no need to get wonky it's all good Tori said yes she wants to go out now you just need to buy a corsage and make reservations at a nice restaurant, no worry plenty of time.

_Yo wassup Dre?_

_Hey Beck nothing much just waiting for the girls you?_

_Same dude same_

We pounded fists as we waited by the wall it was lunch time and the halls were filled with hungry kids and kids running to classes. My stomach was growling where the heck were the girls?

_Man I can eat a whole frigging cow where the heck are they dude?_

_No clue Beck hey do you know where I can take Tori out to dinner?_

_Yea plenty of places man dude she agreed to go out with you?_

_Yea man ya know it took awhile so I really want to make it right_

_It's Tori Dre she'll love whatever you do as long as you mean it_

_I do man she's so fine Beck_

_I know dude I almost kissed her_

_Yea about that can we not ya know it's..._

Beck laughed slapping my back nodding as Cat and Tori came up racing red faced sweating.

_Beck Andre have you seen Jade?_

Cat wheezed out looking worried so I answered

_No not since Sikowitz's class why wassup pretty ladies?_

_She's missing _Tori coughed as she looked around answering

_What do you mean she's missing? _Beck asked as Robbie came skidding up shaking his head at the girls.

_No Luck sorry _

_Oh man where is she? _Cat was near tears as Tori rubbed her back reassuring her

_Cat calm down will find her try calling her again_

_Look Cat she's coming oh man she looks rough_

I watched as Jade came tearing down the hallway after Sinjiin with her scissors. Beck covered his mouth as he laughed pointing to Sinjiin talking to us.

_Aw man she's scared the wazz outta Sinjiin _

_I mean she literally made him piss himself_

I tried not to laugh but it was true she had scared him so much that he had pee running down his leg as he ran tripping stumbling and screaming. Jade was wild like a untamed animal .

_Say your sorry Sinjiin say it!_

She was screaming out as she grabbed him slamming Sinjiin so hard on the ground the railing shock then she sat on him pressing the Scissors against his throat.

We were doing exactly what every one pf our classmates was doing staring helplessly at the two of them. She was so mad I could see the heat coming off her body he was desperately trying to escape but no one was brave enough or stupid enough to save him.

_Jade _

Cat called out softly

_Shut up Cat_

Jade called back

_This is your fault Cat all yours you had to make me talk_

_Why couldn't you keep your mouth shut_

_What are you talking about Jade?_

_Say it Sinjiin Say it NOW!_

Poor Sinjiin couldn't talk the metal objects were pressed so sharply against his skin his throat was red bulging his face was blue he couldn't breathe. I had to try to help the poor dude.

_Jade man your chocking him you need to chill_

_Shut-up Andre_

She screamed glaring at me I held my hands up stepping back as she slammed his back again.

Then Rex had to open his mouth.

_Man she's really snapped_

_Shut-up Rex _Robbie hissed Rex turned to him rolling his eyes as he talked back

_I can't help it I'm not afraid_

_She's one wonked out wacky gank_

_Robbie Shut-up_

_It wasn't me Jade I swear_

_Well shut your puppet up before I kill you both_

_Ow she's all talk Robbie_

_Man zip it Rex before we become her next victims_

_Jade sweetie please calm down_

_Shut-up Cat_

Cat tried to talk to her as she she went closer I heard Rex say to her as I tried to hold her back.

_Man Cat you have a death wish_

_Shut-up Rex_

_Make me dumb red_

_Stop being mean to me_

_Why its so easy just like you_

She spun around and slapped him hissing

_I'm not easy_

Rex's head spun and as he shoved Cat so hard she lost her balance she screamed the rest happened so fast it's like a blur. A flash of black hair screams as Robbie's body dropped. I stood in shock no way.. it..he..I swallowed as everyone started to panic .. kids screaming crying a motionless puppet laying on the steps confused. Tori's body was shaking as she cried my arms wrapped around her as Beck held Cat Their eyes were both wide open in shock.

_Somebody call 911 hurry I don't think he's breathing_

_Jade..Jade.._

She stood motionless shaking so white she shouldn't be breathing but she was..all 5'6 of her black skull jeans black crisscross corset her long hair flying her hands shaking from her broad shoulders to her slender bruised arms straight to her black coated nails and blood soaked scissors. Blood..the same blood that had belonged to Robbie was now dripping from Jade's blades.

_I warned you_

She cried out her voice broken as teachers and our Principal came running up all shocked and panicked. Jade kept rambling as she looked around her eyes looked glazed over.

_I begged you to stop daddy but you didn't.._

_I'm sorry I was bad I just I …_

What was she talking about? Daddy? Everyone was afraid to go anywhere near her Beck wouldn't release Cat who was trembling and crying into his chest. Trina stood covered in Robbie's blood as she had come up behind him just as Jade attacked him he fell on Trina who jumped up screaming.

Robbie needed help someone had to help him. Lane was now bent over Robbie pressing his shirt over his open wound looking around seeing how scared everyone was including Jade. Tori was helping Lane she seemed calmer as she took directions and worked to saving Robbie.

Taking a deep breath I knew I had to do something so I rushed Jade as her back was towards me Cat and Trina screamed at me as I tackled Jade who screamed trying to stab me my heart was pounding but I shoved her down as she screamed trying to cover herself dropping the weapon which Mr. Sikowitz wearing gloves grabbed the weapon placing it in a baggie.

I felt her feet and hands trying to hurt me kicking me trying to bite me I didn't flinch I was use to helping on weekends at my mom's work. I was trained to help control out of control kids. I didn't hurt her but I held her firm. Time seemed to pass by slowly but soon Lane and Mr. Sikowitz were at my side picking her up.

She screamed out as they touched her.

_No I said get off of me Daddy stop your hurting me!_

_I said no Daddy no!_

Her cries were heartbreaking cause I knew what had happened I could tell by the way she was reacting. As I got up I saw Robbie laying motionless unconscious bleeding from his chest he was whiter then a sheet he wasn't breathing Tori was doing C.P.R along with our Principal Dubois.

I wouldn't let go even though they were holding her I refused to let go she seemed to calm down as she heard me talking to her. I brushed some hair away from her face seeing fresh bruises on her face and neck dried blood along her skull.

The next few minutes exploded as the doors flew open and the hall was filled with E.M.T's police officers, detectives, two officers came rushing over to us.

Mr. Sikowitz greeted them they introduced themselves

_I'm officer Elaine Davis and this is officer Jared Nelson_

Officer Davis was a female and officer Nelson a male.

As soon as one of the officers went to touch her she screamed becoming uncontrollable kicking and hissing spitting.

_Don't touch me bitch get away from me_

_Ma'am we need to take you into custody you need to calm down or we will taser you_

_I don't give a shit get away from me you ain't touching me!_

She kicked at the female officer who pulled her taser out warning her again.

_You can't shot me I'm pregnant_

Her shout made me stand in shock Cat squeaked out as Trina and Tori looked up shocked Beck arched a eyebrow and grunted.

Mr. Vega suddenly came running up as the female officer pointed her gun at Jade replying.

_This won't hurt you or the baby keep swinging and keep kicking I will taser you_

_Elaine let me talk to her I know these kids Andre is Tori's boyfriend_

The mention of Tori's name made me smile and the line Tori's boyfriend made me almost melt but I stayed strong holding Jade.

_Jade calm down Jade it's Tori's dad can you tell me did you take anything today?_

_I'm not answering leave me alone_

_Jade you stabbed Robbie do you understand you might of killed him?_

Her eyes were blank as she stared at him but she was calm now as Cat came over and put her hand on Jade's shoulder. Mr. Vega placed his arm on Jade's arm and made her turn around . The cold metal brushed against my skin as it was snapped on Jade's wrists.

_Jade were taking you to the hospital to get examined both physical and mental_

_Who are we suppose to call?_

No answer she was staring straight ahead I turned to Officer Vega. He nodded answering my unspoken question can I go with her?

As we passed Robbie I heard one of the E.M.T.s saying.

_Were losing him vitals dropping he needs surgery code 3 lights and sirens _

_No time to lose radio Burbank General we need a O.R staff prepared_

What had happened? Why had Jade snapped at him? Was he going to be okay?


	23. Chapter 22 Exam

**Exam**

**Andre's p. o . v**

Jade was silent as we rode to the hospital her hands cuffed behind her back as her eyes stared straight ahead.

Once we got to the hospital Lane and Mr. Sikowitz helped her out of the patrol car she was shaking and looked confused and lost.

They wouldn't let me touch her anymore but once we got inside five officers were there waiting for us I saw Cat, Tori and Trina there with Beck as Robbie was wheeled inside his parents were talking to a nurse and a doctor as soon as they saw Jade they ran over yelling at her and at the officers.

_What is she doing here!_

_She needs to be in jail she's a monster!_

_Your a horrible evil devil I hope you rot in jail for life for what you did!_

_Ma'am get back.._

One of the officers held out his hands at Robbie's mother who fought against him but the officer remained in control as two more protected Jade.

_Andre how could you stand by that bitch she stabbed our Robbie_

The look in his dad's eyes made me choke but the look on Jade's face as she looked around made me more determined to stand by her. Lost and scared like a child thrown out to the wolves.

We were taken to a staff elevator where a nurse was waiting for us she introduced herself as Alexis Apollo. Jade seemed to be shutting down as her eyes took on a far away sleepy look. We rode up to the 12th floor which was quieter then the rest of the hospital it the halls were lined with offices , we stopped at the 5th one down on the right.

Officer Nelson pushed her in roughly sneering..

_We outta skip this and send this murder straight to the pen _

_Waste of tax dollars if you ask me_

_Well no one asked you Jared so shut your mouth_

_She stabbed a young man almost through the heart why shouldn't she just be taken in_

_Who cares why she did it just throw her in max and burn the key_

Mr. Vega stepped in

_Enough Jared get out _

_You don't tell me what to do David_

Jared snorted as Mr. Vega said cold and firm

_Yes I do I am the Superior officer your the rookie get going and by the way this will be recorded_

Officer Nelson grunted as he kicked the door muttering

_Bunch of bleeding heart softies_

The office door opened as a short busty dark haired woman came out smiling as she dressed us all.

_Good Evening Officers Young man_

We nodded they tipped their hats at her as she shock hands she was hot but I needed to focus.

_My name is Dr. Shawn Monaco I'm a licensed Child Psychologist please come in_

We did inside her office was a waiting room empty now since it was after hours but I could tell it was very busy during normal hours three tables lined the office filled with magazines and newspapers and two areas were divided between the room one for young kids one for older kids. Chairs scattered the room a small food and coffee and soda table was shoved against the back room.

_Dr. Monaco what exactly are you going to do? _

_I'm glad you asked Lane what were trying to determine here is Jade's state of mind _

_If she's alert enough to know that what she did was right or wrong _

_If she having a break down or if she even knew what she was doing._

_I need to speak with Jade alone please uncuff her_

_Ma'am she's dangerous and volute _

_Officer I have been doing this for years I know how to handle myself _

_I except you will be standing outside anyway so I am in good hands_

_Elaine let her do what she needs to do I' ll take responsibility_

_Your sure David?_

_Yes _

_Okay.._

She seemed hesitant but she did as he asked Jade's hands dropped to her sides as Dr. Monaco gently took her arm leading her inside.

We were forced to wait outside Elaine stood outside her door as Mr. Vega sat down by me patting my back.

_Andre son are you holding up okay?_

_Yes sir have you seen Tori?_

_Yes I have she's shaken but she's remaining positive she asked me to tell you_

_Not to worry about her just stay with Jade she''ll be up as soon as she knows anything about Robbie_

I nodded taking a deep breath.

We didn't say anything for awhile but I was anxious to know.

_Mr. Vega_

_Yes Andre?_

_What are they going to charge Jade with?_

_Well it depends on what they find in the exams I can't really discuss a ongoing investigation_

_Yea I figured you'd say that oh well thought I would ask_

My nerves were frayed what kinds of questions were they asking? How was Jade answering? Did she even know what was going on what was happening with Robbie? What kind of Surgery did they take him for? How much blood did he lose? Was he breathing on his own?

My whole body felt heavy and I started to give into the urge to sleep when the door flew open and a rain soaked Cat stumbled in tears falling down her face her small frame shaking I jumped up and ran over to her wrapping my arms around her as she started to cry.

_Where's Ja..de.. I need to ...s...e..e..h..e..r_

Cat's voice was shaking as bad as her body so I lead her over to a set of chair helping her to lay down as Mr. Vega got her some hot tea and the Nurse brought a few blankets.

Bundled up Cat lay her head on my lap as I stroked her hair and back trying to explain what they were doing.

Hours later Jade was lead out looking pale and ready to be sick but walking slower and more painful. We got up following no one said a word as she was lead to a exam room in the ER we couldn't follow.

Once she was done they cuffed her she was motionless now her eyes just kept tearing through me.

Cat threw herself around Jade's body as Officer Davis pulled her off. Jade turned to her her voice was weak as she softly said.

_I'm sorry Kitty please forgive me_

_Oh Jade I was never mad at ya I love ya gurl_

_Stay strong Jade I will be there as soon as I can._

They lead her off to the awaiting police car. I turned to Officer Vega.

_What intake are they taking her to?_

_I asked for her to be taken to your mom's place GJA she's there waiting for us_

_Can I come? _

_Sure but you will have to ride in front with me_

_I understand Sir thank you.. _


	24. Chapter 23 Stages

**Tori's P.O.V**

**Stages**

**Ex-haust-ed Ex-haust-ing**

To wear out completely.

To escape or pass out

That's how I felt sitting in the waiting room waiting..waiting..for what? My mind was so tired it had gone through so many stages ...denial this wasn't happening Robbie wasn't stabbed he wasn't in surgery his parents were sitting here across the room from us his mom crying her heart out his dad banging his fist against the wall. No Robbie wasn't in this hospital he was somewhere else prob sitting on a Caribbean beach sipping some fruity mixed drink with Rex on his arm's chair.

Then after denial came **Isolation** all the kids from school here talking in their little corners trying to whisper do you know how loud the sound of whispers in many groups can be? Deafening when all you want is to be alone with your own thoughts when the last thing you want is everyone saying their sympathy's and trying to act like they understand or care when the reality is that these kids barely even tolerated Robbie everyday when they made fun of him laughed at him talked bad about him behind his back.

I had to be by myself it was all too much I had to take a walk clear my head why I found myself in the maternal unit is beyond me but I did watching the babies wiggle in their bassinets crying their hearts out reaching out for someone to love and hold them seeing the nurse hold these little bundles of joy miracles really was heart warming but seeing the pride and joy on the faces of the parents that just reduced me to tears. The way the women would hold them sing to them talk to them about their dreams and hopes tell them how they were loved it hit me just how precious children are and how fragile they are. How they all need three basic needs when they come into this world love warmth and safety.

Watching the dads talk to their babies about fairy princesses and magic worlds and baseball games and football matches made me think of my won dad and how he put his life on the line everyday to help kids who didn't have that in their parents it made me look back and remember all the pageants and recitals he sat through with Trina and I and how he worked so hard so we could get the best lessons in everything how he appreciated us both for our differences. I was so grateful to have such a awesome dad but then came ..

The Third stage Anger ..I was angry that Jade never had a dad that cared about her to protect her to love her the right way if she hadn't been hurt so bad she would of never been so angry that she stabbed Robbie it wasn't fair all children deserve a chance to be happy to be liked to be giving a chance to explore the world and find out what they love what their good at to know that as they do it they have the encouragement of people who love them and will protect them and be there when they fall if they fall. Jade had none of that everyday of her life was lived in fear and pain and secrets. How was she suppose to have a chance? Anger the pure feeling of uncontrollable rage that's what I felt.

**When it became too much and I felt ready to explode and I was scared by the power of my own anger just ask the poor food service worker who was now wearing yesterdays tuna salad on his head.**

**I went where my dad always said would help the chapel it was suppose to be just a simple talk with God but it ended with a Bargaining session me pleading with him to save Robbie and help Jade it was mostly empty promises that I could never keep cause face it I was a 16 year old girl. What could I do or day that would help Robbie or Jade? It wasn't like my dad said praying didn't solve everything and make it all better.**

**Then the reality of the situation hit me and the depression hit me hard my tears wouldn't stop I was shaking and cold. If Robbie died and he could even 16 year old kids could die then Jade's charges would be upped to Murder. She could get life couldn't she?**

_**Tori I thought I would find you here**_

_**Hey Dad...**_

**I smiled when I saw him come into the room he knelt by me at the alter the glow of the candle light made it pretty and added a calming effect. He wrapped a arm over my shoulders as I snuggled my head against his chest.  
**

_**Why did you come back so soon?**_

_**I did all I could for Jade now it's up to the people at GJA she's in the best hands and Andre's with her **_

_**Andre..**_

**The sound of his name made me think of that kiss on the beach after I saw the message in the sand the feel of his rough calloused hands on my skin. It brought a smile to my lips and a song to my heart.**

_**Andre will take care of her I know it**_

_**He's a good boy Tori I'm glad you two found each other**_

_**Aw thanks Dad he's a good friend I'm glad you approve**_

_**Any word on Robbie?**_

_**Not yet he's still in surgery **_

_**I know the doctors here Tori and they'll will do everything they can for him**_

_**There's no promises or guarantees are there dad?**_

_**No babe life isn't guaranteed it's a bumpy ride and sometimes a unfair struggle**_

_**Yet it's beautiful and rewarding don't give up things can happen when we least expect it**_

_**We just have to accept it Tori good or bad and deal with what comes **_

_**We may not be able to change what happens but we can change our reactions**_

_**I like that dad...thanks that helped.**_

**I felt better hearing him talk to me it was a relief in a way to know that even though I had no way of knowing or controlling what life threw at me. I could control how I reacted and crying wasn't helping anyone what I needed to do was be there for my friends.**

**I needed to stay strong and hopeful.**

**Reaching up I hugged my dad who hugged me back squeezing me like it was the last time he would see me. Kind of chilled me but it made me see you just never know I bet Robbie's mom never thought the morning he left for school that it could be the last time she would hug her, I wondered if Jade knew the last time her mom hugged her it would be her last? I wondered if Jade ever thought about reporting her dad what she felt when he touched her if she ever thought her pain would end?**

**No one knew what their future's held it was life's greatest mystery.**


	25. Chapter 24 Throw Away Children

**Throw Away Children**

**Spencer's p. o .v**

In America we recycle our trash and throw away our children." Those words were spoken by a mother whose 16-year- old is serving life in prison without possibility of parole (LWOP).

It's amazing to me that America which is suppose to be such a politically correct country the leader in so many areas is the only country that still has Mandatory life sentences for Juveniles, 2,574 kids in America are currently serving lwop sentences including 309 California inmates . I call the the throw away kids the ones that are lost somewhere in the hundreds of Juvenile detention centers through out the country.

It's a subject that brings out so many emotions in so many people do these kids who have committed crime after crime deserve a second chance? Their called the worst of the worst nonredeemable monsters but to me their just kids ..kids who have lost their ways.

Kids who have made horrible decisions in their young lives but haven't we all? Isn't that part of being young..after all the call youth " young and dumb' don't we all make mistakes as we grow up? Didn't we all harm someone at some point? Break someone's heart hit someone out of anger? Kick someone...push someone? Even our own parents at times?

We all react in different ways even with the best life has to offer I grew up never having to worry about money my dad a major in the air force someone who built his own company money was always around my parents were normal happy loving people they had rules and I was excepted to follow those rules. I was taught early on what would happen if I broke one and I did more then one and I was punished I learned. Still it didn't stop me from making mistakes sometimes out of anger sometimes out of fear..excitement or curiosity. When I was seven I climbed the fence to sneak over to our neighbors yard I loved his pet monkey and I wanted to play with it so when they were gone I sneaked over opened his cage and played for hours with it I didn't know the monkey had a bad heart and that the physical activity would cause his heart to speed up and that he would drop dead in front of me.

I freaked out left the dead creature there and ran to my room I cried for days telling no one of what I did I watched while my elderly neighbor Mr. Alder walked up the path to his back yard and found his beloved pet laying face down hand over it's heart I watched while he cuddled it crying out. I felt real pain over this innocent animals death a death that I had caused by not listening to my parents or to Mr. Alder when they said he was off limits. I wanted what I wanted and I was going to get it. Basic human need to take care of one owns needs.

Did I come forward though? Not right away ...Why? Cause I was seven I was a dumb self-fish kid who was scared shit-less over what his dad and mom would do to him cause I had broken the rules. I was scared to see the disappointment in Mr. Alder's eyes. He trusted me treated me like his grandson took me fishing when my dad was away we watched baseball games together.

Then there was the time I was 14 and I wanted to be Cindy Freedman's boyfriend she was the hot girl I was the geeky nerd she rejected me humiliated me in front of the whole school so for revenge I leaked a bad photo of her through out the school and caused rumors to fly she was hurt and shaken she ran out of school humiliated.

Was it stupid yes? Was it criminal?

At the time No today yes that photo would label me as a registered sex offender a status that would never go away it would be on my permanent record anyone searching on the web would now know me by my name age address all with a picture of me to accompany it.

Plus I would have a been imprisoned for up to 6 years, with a fine not exceeding $100,000. on Parole. I would never be able to use the internet or own a computer. I wouldn't be able to keep candy, stuffed animals out books related to kids in my possessions.

Teenagers often don't make very good decisions. Our laws take this into account in many ways: We don't let young people drink until they are 21, and they can't sign contracts, vote or serve on juries until they are 18.

There is however one area in which we ignore teens' youth and impulsiveness our criminal laws. Our laws often ignore the difference between adults and teens, and some youngsters are sentenced to life in prison without parole (LWOP) this law has no exceptions: A teen sentenced to LWOP will die in prison as an old man or woman. No exceptions for good behavior, no exceptions period. No hope.

Don't think that this ' law' only implies to the worst of the worst hell no it goes for any youth caught in the act of a delinquent act a 12 year old kid standing look out for his classmates who are pressuring him to be cool and cover their backs kids he barely knows only that they go to his school and are popular and get the girls so he wants to be like them one of them when these kids ask him to stand guard while they go inside. He has no idea what these kids plan to do he had no idea that they were going into the store to steal a case of beer but they did no weapons are on them but the clerk catches them runs after them in fear the kids split up the clerk catches one kid they fall to the ground wrestle and the kid pushes the clerk into the shelf striking the man's head he dies instantly from blunt head trauma. Now all the youths present face the same sentence under California's "felony murder" rule, every person involved in that crime, no matter how minor their role, is equally guilty of murder, even if they did not plan or expect a murder to occur. According to the fiction of our law, the lookout is as much to blame as the person who caused the death. About 45 percent of the inmates serving LWOP for a teenage crime were not the person who caused the death. Yet they will die in prison of old age, with no chance for release.

Should these youngsters die in prison for something they did when they were so young? Wouldn't it be better to re-evaluate them after serving a long stretch in prison and consider whether they have matured and improved themselves?

That's what I firmly believe am I naive to think every kid can be saved ? No there are some kids who are just nonredeemable some are just born killers. There are however plenty of kids who are given up on too early look at the facts nearly 75 percent of incarcerated youth aged 10 to 17 have a diagnosable mental illness, most juvenile facilities have no on-staff counselors.

Because their brain is still developing, they have the ability to rehabilitate, They are more likely to rehabilitate than an adult."

My dad never gave up on me after I confessed to the monkey killing something that could get me locked away for years now. Then why would I give up on these kids many who had no father or mother figure's to look up to?

It brings me back to one of my first cases when I was a young hot shot in my jr year of collage Juan Rodriguez 16 years old accused of 1st degree Murder Juan was a good looking scared kid I was fumbling and stumbling unsure what I was doing. I remember his story chilling it still sends shivers up my spine Juan's mom had married a man who was not his father they had two boys together and the man treated Juan like a outcast laughing at him calling him names pushing the boy around even turning Juan's brothers against him.

The younger boys would throw rocks at him call him fag and even hold Juan down shoving dirt down his pants. The step father abused him horribly making him sleep naked outside as punishment for not being manly enough to stop it he sexually abused the boy and beat him at every chance he got out of desperation Juan ran away only to be arrested and giving back to the very people who caused his pain he was beating over and over for being a bad boy so he ran again turning to the streets where he met a man who took him in gave him food and shelter who bought him nice things. The trick was the man wanted things in return sexual favors he raped him sodomized him and sold him to man who paid high money. After years of abuse Juan snapped and killed one of the clients now he was facing life in prison.

Where was the justice? Where was the system when Juan and thousand of other kids like Juan needed it? I failed Juan I was unprepared for the harsh realities of Juvenile courts. His lawyer my mentor was a over worked Court appointed lawyer handling hundreds of cases everyday he never took the time to look over Juan's history and he never argued in his defense the look in the boys eyes told it all. He had given up hope long ago but he wanted to remember what it felt like he wanted someone to believe in him help him love him enough to fight for him. Yet he expected what he got..cold hard injustice.

Just like his life had been up to that moment.

I remember his eyes as he was lead off to began his life sentence I saw all the pain he had been through and it sickened me that we live in a country that spends millions on make believe the music and film industry yet we can't spare a dime to help our worlds most valuable assets our children.

Someone has to stand up for these kids. What if Juan had had a role model to look up to? Someone who loved him despite not being his? Would it have changed his life? Saved his life?

What if someone had been there for Margaret Lydia a 15 year old from Nebraska who shot and killed her mother's boyfriend after she saw him beat her mother nearly to death? It should have been self defense but her lawyer never bothered to look at the facts to research the abuse her mother was to afraid of the boyfriend to stand up for her kid. The boyfriend hired a sharp money hungry lawyer who made Margaret out to be a bad child who was jealous of the boyfriend for taking her mother away so she shot him in cold blood. She got life he got revenge.

Margaret is here now she transferred three years ago I found her case and I fought to have her evaluated

I felt she could be a good candidate for our program.

What is our mission here? Simple it's to give these kids something they never had before.. hope real hope that their lives matter and that they deserve a second chance.

Many will and plenty do argue that they don't deserve one ..after all for many of these young people their crimes included Murder and the murder victims don't get a second chance at life so why should their killers?

It's hard to argue for these kids when you hear the words of grieving parents who stand before you gushing tears holding pictures of their dead family members often kids themselves.

As they recant their fav memory of their loved one talk about the things they did in their lives.

" _My name is Melissa Lane Eric and I am the mother of 10 year Bobby Eric This is Bobby's 4__th__ grade photo the last photo I'll ever have of my smiling bright eyed power ranger loving son._

_Bobby was murdered by his two friends over a rare baseball card his dad had given him last Christmas before he was deployed back to Afghanistan. His dad has been gone most of Bobby's life serving our country he's Bobby's hero and he wanted to grow up to be just like him..but my son will never get to grow up he'll never get to see his dad come home and he'll never get to graduate elementary school all cause these self-fish boys wanted a stupid baseball card. One so precious to Bobby he wouldn't part with it was the only thing he had left of his dad..he wanted to hold onto his dad ..so these boys his so called " friends" took a baseball bat chased Bobby through the woods it was late and dark and he didn't know the area. He tripped one of the boys held him down and the other beat him._

_Why should they get a second chance? Bobby can't speak anymore he can't say what he would want but I can and I will fight for my son"_

How can you argue with that?

I would start to say that no words I could say could ever bring him back. I would say this..if you had a choice who would you rather live next door to you?

A teenager who went to jail for murder at 15 who spent years in lock up being held like a dog treated like a caged animal with no education beyond what they had before lock up someone who is angered over what happened to them? Someone who's never learned empathy? Who's going to get out with no job experience or money Or would you want the kid who's gone through therapy who's worked with counselors to figure out why they did what they did how the root started and what triggers the root? Ways to control their anger fear and triggers one who's learned what empathy is and feels general remorse for what they did and who they did it to? Someone who's learned what it feels like to be loved and wants a chance to give love? Someone who's gone to school and worked hard to educate themselves someone who's worked hard at a job trade? Someone less likely to re-offend?

The choice should be simple and that's what GJA is all about.

GJA lives up to it's name Ventura Grindings Juvenile Academy is not only a Maximum Security Juvenile Facility it's also a school. That houses both Girls and Boys the program is designed to give a last chance to youth who have committed horrendous crimes time after time. Yet for whatever reason someone believes in them enough to give them a chance VGJA isn't just a prison what we do is take these kids and put them through a intense program. It's broken into four phrases.

Phrase Zero takes place right after intake all kids are brought into the Academy and sent to high security where there's two wards. The first is for new students the second for ones who are sent from other phrases after violating.

The kids being brought in are held there up till 6months for evolutions where a team is assigned to each kid a Psychologist, Counselors, A Social worker is assigned a teacher our teaching staff is brought in we work with each kid one on one trying to work together to see what type of behavioral problems each kid has.

If they need anger management, Treatment for Drug or Alcohol abuse or Sexual abuse Counseling , their tested to see if they have mental health illness what level of education each kid has had, their lead through a basic layout of what is expected of them and how the program will work. In this phrase all the kids are dressed equal in Orange jumpsuits with thin white slipper socks. Their hair is cut short for boys and for the girls they must have theirs held in a bun or braid on top of their head with rubber bands or scrunchies no pins or clips which could be used as weapons.

After 6 months our team meets to discuss how the Student is doing and if they are eligible to advance to stage one if they can they are transferred to The South Wing which is lined with single cells their kept there for three months and are excepted to keep a strict schedule waking up at 7 am making their bed and cleaning their cells, they are marched to breakfast where they have 30 minutes to eat , then they meet with two other kids to see a teacher for 2 hours of classes, then they meet with their counselors all afternoon for some it's just one but for others who have substance abuse problems they may go from a Correctional Counselor who's job it is to determine why the student turned to a life of crime and what the student can do to make smarter choices. A student with substance abuse issues would then have to see a counselor who specialize in substance abuse issues. To figure out why they turned to drugs and how they could work on making choices on how they could deal with what caused them to turn to drugs and find alternative ways to deal with stress. Each student is given a pale Grey pants and a white tee shirt and Grey hoodie with the same slipper socks

After they have successfully completed Phrase 2 they are moved to the GG unit or the BG unit which is where they are given cells with two beds and have to learn how to share a space with another cell mate, they are to work together as mentors to each other. In Phrase Three they are to start the main mission of VJGA Program which is divided into Two divisions the first in phrase 3 " Life Stories" where they are required to attend group sessions the kids act as role-players in each others "Life Stories" in Life Stories the students tell what has happened in their lives since they were born anything and everything is discussed from Physical abuse mental abuse sexual abuse. How their parents affected their lives and how they felt as everything was going on around them.

Their taught to think before they act and to think about how they acted in the past and what they could do to change their thinking. These are the ways that effect a teenagers brain...Deceiving, downplaying, avoiding, blaming,making excuses, jumping to conclusions acting helpless overreacting and feeling special.

We all do them at some point in time but for these kids they have used them to harm others and they will keep harming others if they keep thinking this way.

A youth can state a fact easy enough " I was physically abused by my dad when he got angry and no one stopped it so I can hit my little brother when he makes me mad and that's ok cause he did it to me"

The error here is not that the child was abused but that he or she is using it as a excuse it's what we call a justification thinking error.

The beauty in kids is that even though they may of grown up learning how to think one way their minds are still young enough to be reprogrammed and learn a new way and learn the mistakes they made. For example in mid sentence a counselor can stop a student and ask them to think about what was said and what error they used.

Phrase 3 they are asked to work together to help one another and to talk things out so when a explosion happens instead of fighting they talk things out and try to find ways to deal with what happened why it happened and what they could do to make sure it doesn't happen again. In this phrase they can wear normal clothes and shoes but must have their id badge visible at all time. Their also moved into General Population sharing 2 other cell mates.

None of this is easy for any of these kids for most of them they have drowned their lives and bodies in drugs and booze anything to escape their pain and hardships. The thought of reliving their stories out loud in front of others is terrorizing they spent their lives trying to be the toughest the baddest covered themselves in tattoos declared their gang affiliations talked trash people beat people up did things that would make most of us shiver and vomit in fear and disgust but now they have to open up and be vulnerable.

When they were little they were powerless defenseless victimized now they have grown up and made a promise to be strong. That means to them inflicting pain on others like it was inflicted on them.

To see a kid who had come into our school yelling and cussin out claiming that this was for f...ing pu...es and that they ain't never gonna change they were the biggest baddest kicking at staff members throwing up the fingers and throwing down gang signs to go from that into a responsible hard working kid who had cleaned up not only their appearances but their whole attitude has been revoked and replaced with hope and dreams and plans to go after their dreams. It's breathtaking and amazing and fills you with hope that despite all the pain and loss you will get from this job every so often you have a rainbow that brightens your day.

Phrase 4 is when they start their "Crime Stories" also role-played out plus they are able to start work in the outside world monitored by guards from GJA. For three hours every day. Ph 4 they have to face the family members of the victims and sometimes the victims themselves they are forced to hear how their actions changed the families lives and how they have felt since that day. The kids have to talk to them try to explain why they did what they did and how they feel now and wait for the response from the victims and families. The goal is to teach empathy without it they can't began to feel towards the people they hurt.

Every week staff members meet to discuss how each child is progressing.

Kids who are here are normally serving 25 to life sentences but with completion of JGA they are usually released on parole. If they fail they are sent straight to Central Juvenile Hall aka Eastlake if their under 18 to await transfer to the pen if their 18 they go straight to the pen.

In my time I've seen more kids go to parole then I have fail but Sam was a hard case one that sent me banging my head against the wall.

I met her when she was 8 a scared little girl who came to court for battery on a classmate having endured a brutal beating from her mother who had kicked her out of their home she had gone to school wearing the same clothes she had on all night. Her classmate a little girl named Marisa had made fun of her so out of rage Sam took a hot curling iron and beat her with it scaring the girls face so bad her skin was burned off in giant rolls. Earning Sam the street name McCurdles.

Everyone in the court house was outraged at the brutality of her crime and her age they wanted revenge but what no one was looking at was what had been done to Sam. She was a little kid who needed love and shelter but what she got was beatings and hate.

I made it my mission to try to save Sam for whatever reason she had touched me in some way. Her eyes were telling me what her face refused she was hardened on the outside but her eyes told me she wanted to change she wanted to be saved.

Yet years of failures from the system that was suppose to protect her being released into the home that had caused her so much pain and anger had killed her slowly day by day.

Now here she was serving life for what is being called the most brutal act of a child ever committed and while everyone was crying out for justice a part of Sam was still crying for Salvation.

Unfortunate for her the board was running out of patience she had been here for three years and had only made it to phrase two once before she violated one rule after another now her latest could get her another charge of attempted murder. One more strike and she was going to be transferred to central to await her 18th birthday fast approaching.

Sighing I looked at a picture of Carly and wondered what made some girls so sweet and decent and others hard cold and angry.

A knock on my door startled me as I cracked my neck rubbing my eyes I can't believe it was almost 6 pm yawing I answered.

_Yea who is it?_

_It's Monet Spencer care for some company?_

_Sure what's going on?_

Monet came in looking tired and stressed as she dropped to a chair even tired and stressed the women was dripping in style and confidence.

_Spencer what are we going to do about Puckett?_

Monet would never tell me the reason as to why Sam was so special to her but from day one she asked me that she could be assigned to her case. She has worked hours after hours to try to get to the bottom of Sam's issues but Sam has refused to corporate or answer. The girl barely talks at all.

Monet is hard on all the kids but with Sam she is downright cruel at times to Sam but no matter she throws at Sam she brushed it off. Monet never gives up on a kid though.

_Girl needs some serious intervene_

_What we gonna do Monet?_

_First son we gonna order some food then we gonna figure out a plan_


	26. Chapter 25 Penal Code

**Spencer's p.o.v**

**707**

_Spence we have a __Penal Code 245 being brought in_

Liz knocked on the door as we Monet and I sat eating dinner we looked up seeing Liz come in looking just as haggled as we felt I motioned for her to come in and she wasted no time kicking her shoes off and collapsing on my couch. Snatching a fried chicken wing she sighed as she went into the details as Monet asked.

_What's going on Liz?_

_Call just came in immediate referral from LAPD _

We looked at each other the LAPD very rarely refers inmates here the normal producer is that they are taken into custody and held at the local juvie then after being held for 48 hours they are giving a detention hearing. At the detention hearing the juvenile referee or juvenile judge will make a determination on whether to continue to detain the child pending adjudication of the charges. The juvenile referee or juvenile judge will have input from the juvenile probation department, as well as from the juvenile deputy district attorney and juvenile defense attorney which in this case was Jake, who altered Liz one the toughest prosecutors out there.

If their going to be detained then the judge decides if they should go to CYA California Youth Authority

now called Division of Juvenile Justice but most of us still call it CYA.

CYA is not a place for first time offenders its filled with gang members sexual offenders and repeat offenders are housed there.

For the LAPD to send a minor straight means one of two things the minor 14 yrs and up is charged with a 707 meaning that it's a crime that is so serious they are automatically transferred to adult court. These charges include one or more of the following.

Under certain circumstances described below, minors alleged to have committed one of the 30 crimes listed in W&I Code 707(b) also can be tried in adult court.

The "Section 707(b) offenses" are:

Murder.

Arson causing great bodily injury or of an inhabited structure.

Robbery.

Rape with force, violence or threat of great bodily harm.

Sodomy by force, violence or threat of great bodily harm.

A lewd or lascivious act on a child under 14 with force, violence or threat of great bodily harm.

Oral copulation by force, violence or threat of great bodily harm.

Forcible sexual penetration.

Kidnapping for ransom.

Kidnapping for purposes of robbery.

Kidnapping with bodily harm.

Attempted murder.

Assault with a firearm or destructive device.

Assault by means of force likely to produce great bodily injury.

Discharge of a firearm into an inhabited or occupied building.

Or the second reason would be the minor knows someone here. Which one was it?

We waited for Liz to stop sucking the juice of the chicken leg as she sighed putting her head back leaning against the couch.

_Sorry long day guys_

I laughed as she smiled saying.

_No prob Liz so care to brief us before the car pulls up?_

She was silent for a minute but then replied

_Yea didn't you get a call Monet?_

_Me? No why would I get a call? _

_Cause your son Andre is involved _

_He what? _

_His friends were the victim and the attacker_

_Huh say what ?_

_Jade West 16 year old being accused of attempted Murder of another teen 16 year old Robbie __Shapiro _

Monet's head whipped around as she called out loud and angry.

_What? No she did not! I know the girl has mental issues I know she smoked up more then she isn't but no she did not try to kill the nerd._

_I know he's annoying and geeky but fro real she tried to off him?_

Liz laughed as she shock her head replying to Monet.

_I see you have high opinions of him?_

_He's a good kid don't get me wrong but the boy ain't right in his head either _

_Well Monet right in his head or not he was the victim she took a scissors and stabbed the kid through the chest _

_He's in Surgery now their trying to stop the bleeding and repair damage to his heart and arteries._

_Oh my god!_

_Yea she was taken to a hospital and evaluated by Dr. McCall she feels Jade is suffering from post traumatic stress disorder,she feels that._

_Jade had a breakdown at the time of the attack and that she didn't know she was stabbing her friend._

_Blood test reveal high levels of Marijuana , Lsd, Coke and booze._

_Now we know why she's being brought here Monet_

_Yea Yea Spencer_

_From what I understand Andre has been with Jade the whole time and is even coming here_

_He's What! Omg I am going to.._

_What punish the kid for sticking by a friend? I believe there's more we haven't heard yet_

_I don't know I just know we will be talking.._

Officer Jensen knocked on the door singling to us the car was arriving what were we about to deal with? Sighing I stood up extending my hands to Monet and Liz who took them as we headed out to meet the patrol car.

The sirens approached loud and fast we stood back as the gates opened the car barely sliding through before the steel and metal gates slammed shut. What were we about to see? Hear? The new intakes always excite me and at the same time scare me.

Sometimes their stories make your skin crawl.

Officer Vega stepped out of the car Monet gasped as she went over.

_David what's going on?_

_Hello Monet_

_Lets get her into intake and start processing _

Officer Vega opened the door and led her out she was a tall pale deathly pale skinny girl with a big burst. I could see her being a beauty when she was made up properly. Her head was hanging low so I couldn't see her eyes. Her hands were cuffed behind her back and her feet shackled she walked slow as we lead her inside she never said anything. Some kids come in with attitude screaming F the police or threats about what their going to do to us. Some like Jade are stone stiff and quiet as hell.

Officer Vega was gentle with her as he lowered her to a chair why he was being so careful was a mystery to me but a blessing most officers would slam her butt to the chair. The intake officer Lorenzo nodded at her she didn't say anything or even acknowledge him. A young boy who I assume to be Andre came and stood by her Monet nodded at him he looked tired and strung out.

_Can you tell me your name?_

Officer Lorenzo asked her but she didn't answer Officer Vega shock his head.

_She's suffering from post traumatic stress disorder she can't answer her names Jade West she's 16_

They went through the standard questions before Officer Lorenzo asked the one burning in all our minds.

_Why Did she stab him? _

_Dr. Monaco got her to admit that her dad sexually assaulted her right before she came to school_

_Sexually assaulted her how? _Monet asked shaking her head her hand now on Jade's thin shoulder

_From what she told her she was checking on her brother who went missing from his preschool_

_When she got there her dad was there drunk and pissed because she took George from them they got into a fight and he attacked her punching her over and over till she fell when she was on the floor he held her down and raped her repeatedly._

_Jade fought him over and over but he was stronger and more powerful _

_When she got to school she was still in shock and hurt in many ways when she heard Cat scream she thought her dad was there she went into flashbacks and reacted trying to defend herself defend Cat._

_Shortly before she went to school she discovered she was pregnant _

_Does she know who the father is?_

_Yea her own dad_

_Oh My god this poor girl_

_How's the boy doing? _

_He's in surgery not doing well_

_His family wants charges pressed against her _

_What are the police looking at?_

_First degree attempted murder his family is raising hell_

_1st degree are you insane? It's obviously she's in medical need here that she reacted to what her dad did_

_They don't care as far as their concerned she stabbed their son and she needs to pay_

_I can understand why they feel like that but they need time maybe we can talk to them later for now she needs to be examined_

_She was Monet in every way were waiting for the drug results but there was evidence of sexual assault and trauma to the vagina a pregnancy test confirmed her suspicions. She was also diagnosed with PID Pelvic inflammatory Disease._

_Is she being treated?_

_She's been started on antibodies _

_Cat..._


	27. Chapter 26 Cat

**Spencer's p.o .v**

**Cat**

It was the first word Jade had muttered since being brought in she was concerned about her cat I guess.

I tried to speak to her kneeling in front of her slowly I tried to lift her chin up as she tried to hold back her tears.

_What's going on Jade? My name's Spencer and I am the head of case management here at GJA you seem upset is someone able to take care of your cat for you I understand pets can be very important to us._

Monet and Andre laughed softly shaking their heads as Monet leaned down taking Jade's hand. Talking to her softly.

_Jade does Cat need to be tested is that what your concerned about?_

_Yes please she's been sick a lot lately she needs to start treatment _

_Jade I'll make sure she gets treatment you trust me right? _Andre asked as he leaned down.

She nodded looking into his eyes he leaned over and hugged her.

_Okay lets get Jade to her cell we need to talk to you Jade_

_I really don't think she belongs in lockup she belongs in a hospital under psychiatric-care will evaluate her and make sure the judge has all the info they need._

_Andre would you like to say anything to her?_

_Be strong Jade Tori, Trina, Beck, Cat and I are all here for you Cat wanted me to tell you she loves you and she will be here as long as you need her. She'll be here as soon as they let her._

_Please take care of her she's not a bad kid she's just had it rough_

_I promise Andre will take care of her now go wait in my office for me we need to talk_

Jade rose slowly cuffed looking sad and detached my heart went out for this kid. I felt that we would have a fight for her.

She was patted down and searched carefully and lead to her cell where Monet and I sat and talked to for hours it was prob the first time she opened up to anyone in a long time.

Our next step was trying to work out a defense for Jade which is why I brought Jake in he kept shaking his head.

_This poor Kid another example of how quickly the system fails if her dad had gone to jail _

_This would of never had happened_

_The boy's parents are adamant though she needs to pay and it's hard to argue with grieving parents_

_I'll do my best Spencer I think we need to talk to her friends and see what they know_

_Lets start now I want her to get help not go in jail_

_She'll be eating alive give me some time to go over her file_

_Okay Spencer I'll make the calls and get everyone in tomorrow_

The night passed by long and rocky I studied everything I could about Jade West. As I did I started to put pieces together and I was shaken by what I found and how her history was connected to someone else. I knew and I was again amazed by how quickly one person's actions could screw so many other lives up.

Cat was the first person to be interviewed the next day she came in looking sad and tired holding Andre's hand. With her dad by her side.

_Hello Cat my names Spencer Shay it's nice to meet you this is my colleague Dr. Monet Harris Sir you must be Cat's dad?_

_Yes I am Randall Valentine _We shock hands him and Monet exchanged nods.

_Is this your mom Andre? _

_Yes she is Cat have a seat_

She seemed very nervous and shy but with Andre's help she relaxed Monet offered her something to drink.

_How's Jade when can I see her? Is she okay ? What about her baby?_

_Slow Down sweetie yes Jade is here she's safe no one can hurt her anymore_

_Unfortunately she's in Asu so you can't see her _

_What's ASU? _

_It's Administer Segregation unit its for her own safety she was very upset last night so we wanna keep a close eyes on her her baby is doing fine but Jade has a tough road ahead of her and she needs all of us to help her can you help us do that?_

_What is it exactly that you want from my daughter? _

_We are trying to build a case for Jade in court we want her to have the best possible chance for her to get help and not be sent to jail._

_Since when does the jail defend the kids?_

_Well sir here at GJA were more then just a Juvenile hall our soul purpose is to rehabilitate these young students. That means getting to them before they Serve time. We have a special program here called ' RHOTY' it stands for Reaching Hands Out To Youth it not only helps kids who are addicted to drugs or alcohol it helps kids who have been arrested prepare for court we have case management agents like myself along with trained counselors like Monet police officers like Officer Vega here as well as social workers, probation officers, Lawyers and even prosecutors like Liz over there.._

As I pointed to each person they waved or shock hands with Cat and her dad nodding to Andre.

_Who are dedicated to providing the best defense possible to every kid even the ones accused of the most heinous crimes to do that we need to work like a detective and get every bit of information we can on the kids history anger problems relationships with family members friends any little piece can help us. _

_Cat was the one person Jade trusted with her life she would know all of her secrets and she would be the one who knows Jade the best. _

_What do you need from me? I will do anything to help my Jadey_

_I'm sure you will Cat that's why we called you we had a long talk with Jade last night she opened up a lot to us but she's still scared and afraid of being judged and punished so we need to get a look into her life to tell us why Jade did what she did._

_Can you help us?_

She looked at her dad who squeezed her hand. Then he turned talking to us.

_I support what you guys are doing and would like to donate as much as I can to this fine program I always loved Jade like my own _

_I am sorry I couldn't help her. _

_I would do whatever I can to help her now thank you guys for doing this._

I was a bit taken back it's not too often you get someone who wants to help or who thanks you even rarer when its their kid being interrogated. Yet here he was offering us money which I would never turn down it was hard to run a program that got such diverse response.

_Thank you very much sir we would appreciate any help you would be willing to give._

_Now Cat lets start with something simple are you okay do you need anything to drink?_

She licked her lips squeezing and un-squeezing her hands I saw a little sweat forming on her face she shock her head.

Her dadtouched her shoulder rubbing her back she was a strikingly beautiful young woman who's face reminded me so much of someone else but I couldn't place it. Shaking my head I tried to clear my thoughts I couldn't lust after a 16 year old girl geez Spence whats wrong with you control yourself don't stare at her ivory pale skin or that amazing red hair her long smooth bare legs peeking out from behind her colorful skirt. Don't look at her soft curvy just right chest oh geez I felt myself getting hard..she's 16! control yourself don 't imagine what she'll look like in 6 or 7 years she's 16 now!

I grabbedsome coffee trying not to drop it as I took a deep breath Monet looked at me strange but I couldn't get this damn feeling out of my head or my pants like I knew her in some way.


	28. Chapter 27 Young Forever

**Young Forever**

**Spencer's p. o .v**

Monet brought her seat over closer to Cat as Liz and Jake came over she looked around at each of them unsure who to talk to first I saw her squeeze her dad's hand.

It was Jake who spoke first.

_Catrina what a pretty name_

_Uh thanks its after my aunt one of my dad's younger sisters_

_I bet your close to your aunt huh? _

_Yes sir I am even though I don't see her much_

_Why's that Cat?_

_She lives in Ireland_

_Wow that's pretty far away no wonder you don't see her much have you ever visited Ireland?_

She looked at her dad for reassurance that she was doing the right thing. He nodded and squeezed her arm.

_Yes Sir I ..we use to live there_

_Oh you did when did you move here? _

_It's okay to answer Cat my names Jake Stephens and I am Jade's lawyer I want to help her but I need to get to know her a little and right now she can't help me but you can._

_Okay sir whatever you need I moved here when I was 14 ..wait here as in La or as in the usa?_

She looked at her dad who shrugged and pointed at her to ask Jake she cleared her throat and repeated the question with child-like innocence.

_The usa is fine _

_I was 13 when we officially moved here to nyc_

_Why did you move here?_

_Cause I got a part in 13 the musical_

_Is that where you met Jade?_

_Oh no I knew Jade since I was 8 _

_Oh you did how did you met her?_

_Well see my dad he's...I mean.. my mom she was...and Jade's.._

_Catrina sweetie your getting tied up just relax and take your time no one is rushing you_

_Okay dad sorry_

_It's okay babe just relax and start over_

_Start over? Okay well my name's.._

_Not that far over Kitty _

Cat looked upset near tears as she squeezed and un-squeezed her hands. Taking deep breaths her dad turned to us shaking his head.

_I'm very sorry sometimes Cat gets overwhelmed and confused _

She was staring straight out giggling softly as she pointed at the clouds .

_Pretty clouds daddy look it's a angel riding a unicorn_

_Yes baby it's a very pretty unicorn..._

_So is the angel it's Jade's mom daddy she's waving to me_

_Wave back then kitten.._

She did tall and proud I sighed this was going to be harder then we expected the girl had oblivious mental issues.

_Now kitten sweetie can you sip your juice and finish talking to the nice man we want to help Jade right_

_Yes help Jade...must help Jade_

She smiled at Andre who was sitting quiet staring at her but nothing seemed to be getting through to her she sipped her juice as she watched the clouds her dad shock his head. Then he looked to Andre who shrugged getting up and pulling out his keyboard. Monet groaned.

_Seriously son we need to have a talk your a little to attached to that thing_

_Never Mom never _

_Hey Cat I'm gonna sing you a little song_

_These are my words for you dear Kitty listen to this song writing for you_

_Every once in awhile we meet someone oh someone that touches our lives_

_They leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same_

_I don't have the words to explain to you that someone is you_

This seemed to get her attention as she shock her head and joined in singing with him..

_This is my song to you cause you are that one special person who has touched my heart_

_Like foot prints in the sand so are my words writing in lyric forms_

_Now take my hand I know you are scared _

_I have a confession to make_

_I am scared to_

_So take my hand and if your legs are feeling weak_

_It's okay to cause my arms can carry you_

_Together we will ride the prettiest unicorn and will fly past the highest clouds_

_Will leap over the longest rainbow together_

_Just trust in me like I trust in you_

_I promise you I will always be there _

_Will you say the same?_

_Will your footprints remain long after our bodies have been put to rest?_

_Will your memory twist my lips into a smile or will the memory be bitter sweet ?_

_Will my heart twist in pain and regrets?_

_Help me understand when this world feels cold _

_Take my hand and lets find our promise land.._

_Are you that one? The one who.._

_Will leave footprints on my heart will I ever be the same?_

Cat smiled as she took his hand and nodded .

_So I moved here when I was 13 but I met Jade when I was 8 okay this is confusing I'm sorry_

_Cat it's okay why don't you tell me what brought you and Jade together can you do that?_

_Yes Mr. Stephens I can that's easy Music brought us together_

_Can I tell them daddy?_

_Yes baby that's why your here_

_Okay it's a long story but see my momma and my daddy they had me real young_

_They were teens themselves my daddy he hails from Ireland he comes from a big family his daddy his name was Monroe Valentine he was born in Scotland to his parents Patrick and Rae they were poor and barely had money for food to feed their seven kids. Patrick was a fisherman who spent long periods of time away from the family. So my granddad spent most days trying to sell papers on the streets he spent time watching the street performers he became friends with one named Scotty who played the bagpipes he helped attract costumers with his dances that he would make up and he helped Scotty at his home by fixing leaks and breaks he ran errands for him. In return Scotty taught him the joys of music. He learned how to play every instrument he could get his hands on. He soon joined Scotty by making up routines and profecting his craft. _

_Till one day he had enough money saved up to take a ship to America he had heard about so many opportunities in that land. _

_Except fate had other plans they docked in Ireland for a break while he was exploring he came across a fight between two drunk sailors over a girl who was badly battered and bruised being the hero he stepped in to save her._

_The girl felt like she was responsible so she asked him to come to her house so she could fix him up he had a broken arm and busted lip. He also had a heart full of love for the beautiful girl in front of him Byrne O'Aura a 15 y.o girl left in charge of her 4 younger brothers and three sisters. _

_Monroe was 19 was looking for excitement a better life and he knew as soon as he looked into Byrne's eyes he had found all of that._

_Byrne's dad Donnell was killed in the acid raids her mom was bitter and depressed and beat the kids with no money and no food barely any clothes on their backs Byrne felt she had no choice so she took the kids and left. _

_Life on the streets in war torn Ireland was hard she struggled working in factories all day while the kids stayed in a card board box working in a factory exposed Byrne to all kinds of diseases her hands were torn and bloody her eyes blackened by the dim lights and smokey atmosphere she developed pneumonia but had no money for medications or a doctor._

_One by one her family fell victims to the damp typhoid took little Kathleen a horse stomped on Ernie's leg and Byrne rushed him to the hospital but he lost his leg after a infection spread. _

_By the time Monroe met Byrne she was hardened from life on the streets but he managed to get her to smile. When she fell ill from the consumption Monroe spent every last of his savings on a doctor to get her help. While she recovered he took care of the kids and looked for work. He got bar-tending jobs driving a horse and carriage ._

_He worked at a church part time and the pastor Eugene took him under his wing. He saved up enough money to buy a flat on the north side of Dublin. Byrne and the kids moved in and within months they were married nine months later their first child was born Seamus he was a lovely healthy baby and both were so proud Monroe got enrolled in a university to earn his master in music he meanwhile started teaching local kids how to dance . _

_By the time he graduated they had two more kids Patrick and Aedus meanwhile Byrne started working for her aunt at her restaurant. _

_Over the years they struggled with money and health but they were happy even living in cramped quarters there was always music in the house and dance._

_They raised the kids in the Catholic church back then it was a fearful all ruling place._

_Geoff was born in 1963 Bridgit in 1965 Alexis in 1971 Monroe taught music at a local childcare's theater. Between the both of them they saved up enough to buy a abandoned building by the seaside they fixed it up to be come a restaurant which became popular with sailors and fisherman. _

_In 1975 Monroe's family came over to help with the restaurant and their growing broad. Aedus got a job at Dublin university and helped his parents who now had Nightingale born in 1976 Aoife Davis1977._

_In 1981 they had Randall Tyler followed by twin girls Auriga Brea and Diskette Noreena. In 1983 they had Catrina Margaret . Granddad was in his late 50's but he was still working and enjoying life. He loved city lights and being surrounded by celebrities as he promoted their world famous restaurant. Along with some other Irish they published a book called Life after the IRA. Which became not only a best seller but was made into a motion picture._

_With new fame and money their life improved dramatic they got out of the lennox apartment. Buying a big house by the sea. _

_My dad grew up working hard at the restaurant where his dad gave him and his brothers and sisters lessons on the drums piano and guitar. They took school very seriously they got all A's and would settle for nothing less. He tutored kids how to read music how to play piano._

_My dad always tells me how he loves the feel of the porcelain keys of the piano under his fingers the smooth melodies they could produce he learned sax, trumpet he took every type of lesson with music acting dance that he could._

_He competed in talent shows and started earning top places in every competitions he was in every spring musical growing up he was super close to his sister Catrina who was one of the top dancers in Ireland. They were always putting on shows together._

_At 15 and 13 Dad and Aunt Catrina auditioned for and were accepted into the Royal Academy of Music in London. It was the hardest decision they had to make to leave their family to go to another country but they believed in their dreams._

_They loved their freedom yet they were tied down to school so they had little time for anything else. They depended on each other to survive as they explored their new city._

_In his jr year he met a freshman named Cathleen who was a ballerina her friends all thought he was cute and sweet but she was serious about school and didn't want to date._

_Then four months later at a after show company party most of the kids got drunk and on a dare from his friends he grabbed the first girl he saw and kissed her. _

_Cathleen was wasted and when she drinks she gets wild so she kissed him back hard they started dancing and laughing which turned into a make out session and then they ended up in bed._

_Nine months later my brother Randall was born , a year later I followed._

_My dad melted at the sight of us and swore he would do everything for us he took every odd job he could get so he could support us while going to school. Mom didn't take to being a parent so well she didn't want anything to do with us. My dad raised us alone._

_He graduated top of his class but finding a job in his field wasn't easy he tried sending out demo's going to the record labels preforming for them but nothing worked._

_For three years he worked odd jobs he hated where people cursed him out threw coffee at him he lost jobs because he was late getting us up fed and bathed and dressed or had trouble finding babysitters. _

_Sometimes he battled depression and anxiety and fear of not being able to provide for us._

_When I was three and Randy 4 we moved to Ireland to live with his parents he never let us feel unloved or unwanted he played with us. Randy was into baseball and rugby he took us to dance lessons vocal lessons our aunt Catrina became one of our teachers she had moved back with dad and gotten a job at a local studio. Ireland was a great place for us to grow up in plenty of lush green fields people telling folk tales constant music and friendly people who watched out for us constantly. Our Aunt taught us the most difficult dance moves she taught me yoga and we wrote music together all the time. Every night me daddy and aunt would have a writing session. _

_Dad's luck changed finally for the better he met Reginald_ _Cowell stage name Lil Reggie he was a up in coming rapper who was topping the charts he gave my dad a job as a pianist on his tour he got a education about life in the music business Randy and I traveled on the dancers bus life was never dull that's for sure those girls fought all the time and lied constantly they back stabbed each other and cheated on their boyfriends they had sex whenever they wanted with who ever they wanted. Did drugs and drank all the time yet they excelled at what they did they were beautiful and talented I admired them. _

_My fav dancer was of course my aunt who was also touring with us she showed me dance isn't just a movement it's a expression. _

_Traveling was so much fun at times seeing so many exotic sites and countries experience different cultures through it all my dad made sure we kept our Christian faith we went to church every Sunday no matter where we were. We studied the bible prayed every night. I incorporated everything I learned into my art while in Russia I fell in love with the theater My Aunt took us to dance classes all over the country she made sure we got into as many acting classes in as many countries as we could._

_I learned early on that drugs and booze made people do stupid things but my dad never let us get caught up into those things._

_A year into the tour they switched opening acts a girl group names 3SL which stands for Three Southern Ladies they were rappers singers and damn they could dance they were amazing Lil' Droppa was their leader her real name was Meredith Nerd she was 22 and had grown up in Lawerenceville Georgia with divorced parents she hung with her older brothers on their block and she was always getting into battles with the older boys she could out rhyme anyone and was always winning battles but life wasn't easy she had a boyfriend who was always bangin and he was rough with her raping her and beating her when she got what he called " out of line' ._

_Still she never let go of her dreams when she met up with a old friend from Elementary school Mercedes Marshall who went by the name sweet tea they decided to try to make it as a duo Sweet Tea was wicked at laying down the beats and harmonies. _

_Their third member was Joss Jadelyn Davis who went by Lil J she was an angel in dance and she had the sweetest voice that could challenge Whitney or Celine. _

_3SL added a new life to the tour they pumped up the audience and got them on their feet ready to move but what changed me the most was the fact that I now had someone else my age besides Randy , the dancers pretty much ignored me most of the time they weren't rude about it but I was 7 going on 8 by this time they were in their 20's. With 3SL came Joss's daughter Jade who was my age._

_Jadelyn Rose West was the tiniest thing I had ever laid my eyes on but the cutest she had on a bright pink and white dress pigtails who two missing front teeth. She was sitting in my bunk playing barbies she had the sweetest blue eyes and light brown hair. _

_At first I had no idea how to talk to her since I wasn't use to being around kids Jade was bubbly happy and liked to chat. She ran over to me hugging me squealing she was happy to make a new friend she wanted to play dress up and she had the cutest southern accent._

_Jade amazed me she was breath taking on the dance floor and she already knew how to play the piano and write her own music. Jade was fun she got me to remember what it was like to be young after performances we would make the stage our own create our own shows laugh and dance we would run through the audience imagining the place filled for us._

_After every one we would sneak up to the balcony and on the railings we would tie a string in the shape of hearts with our int on them so we would have a string of hearts in each city of every country._

_Jade's mom was obsessed with dance she lived it breathed it and excelled in it ever since she was a kid she dreamed of making her home on the stage._


	29. Chapter 28 3SL

**Born To Dance**

**Spencer's p. o .v**

_Born in Rome Italy to a professional ballerina Justine Davis she studied from the time she was a baby by professionals who taught her what it meant to work hard and dream big, she grew up rich with all the best life had to offer. She went to a priv ate boarding schools throughout Europe she got the top grades in every school she attended teachers loved her she traveled the world with her mom she was taught in Russian schools ,Ukrainian schools London, NYC, Pairs , she embraced life at the fullest. At 16 She was accepted into the American Ballet School in NYC._

_She kept to herself the other students took calling Joss Jaded Ice she heard the name calling and saw the pointing but she didn't let it get to her . She threw herself into dance she quickly started to get noticed by the company she earned roles and spent every waking moment practicing making sure she stayed physically fit she watched what she ate she never weighed more then 90lbs she was in her own world while everyone thought she was a snob she was really battling her own demons, she was afraid she would never live up to her mom's name or legend she felt she had to constantly push herself prove herself she never felt pretty enough strong enough good enough._

_She spent time walking through central park along rivers imagining what it would be like to be a prima ballerina. It's all she lived for and she was prepared to die for it._

_Then she met Dehaven Jacquard a 15 year old from Jamaica Queens who was attending Laguardia High School for music at first she was turned off by him he had a street brash street talk and boldness but somehow she couldn't stop going to the club in queens where she met him she said she loved the free style of dance even though it was against ABC rules to take a class outside ABC walls she loved seeing different style's of dance and hearing all the musical styles. It seemed everywhere she went he was there always trying to get her to loosen up. Eventually she started to laugh at his jokes and get his style even like his touches. She started sneaking out to be with him go to clubs and dates he showed her_

_what it meant to be young to have her own fun and not what her mom deemed as fun. His friends lived every moment to the fullest for the moment. _

_Together they created their own routines him working on the music her on the moves they started to perform publicly and started getting recognized soon others wanted to join they performed everywhere they could subways parks street corners earning money which they used to save for their own place . They started dating but kept it a secret from ABC for over a year then she missed an exam when she came in late from a show the truth came out when a teacher spotted her preforming they made her chose ABC or him. Her mom was beyond angry when she chose him she screamed at her non-stop about how she was ruining her life and her career. She disowned her and threw her out._

_Dehaven picked her up his parents let her move in with them so she could rebuild her life she auditioned for Laguardia and got in. _

_Now beside her and DeHaven there was Athena Williams 15 Love Phillips 17 Aaron Kelps 16 Harmony _

_Peace 18 they stepped up their routines taking it everywhere spreading a message about hopes dreams choices trying to reach kids and keep them off the streets._

_DeHaven and Joss started having sex it didn't take long for him to admit he loved her but it took her a long time to let him in to trust him she struggled with keeping a relationship and a partner in business separate when they graduated they moved to Georgia so she could attend college at Emory University at ATL she took a job as a waitress in a roller shake rink. _

_This is where she met Mercedes and Meredith. They started talking about their boyfriends how obsessed they were DeHaven with school and Music , Meredith 's BF Michael with gangs and Mercedes 's Bf Leon with Football he was a quarterback for some college they bonded at night as they jammed over the music they liked._

_Meredith thought it would be cool to rent studio space and see what they could do after a few hours they knew they had the makings of a great group and decided to keep going._

_They got together to write songs and choreography routines they worked their butts off to get respect in a male dominated industry._

_They swore to be down for each other through thick and thin they spent weeks and months making sure their lyrics didn't contain cursing or inappropriate things. They worked every kind of gig they could get birthday parties anniversary parties graduations till they booked a falcons Sunday night game._

_It's that performance 20 year old Joss met 32 year old Jack West a stock bro from La on Holiday 3SL performed their first big show to a audience of 71,228they got a standing ovation for their song ATL Dance which became the falcons Theme Song that year. They performed a bunch more songs like Dem Boys and Changes Take Flight. _

_Endorsements poured in and deals started flying soon they singed with undercovered records which showered them with love and belief they spent hours recording writing they had nights at clubbing and pulling tricks on each other._

_Joss and Dehaven decided to cool their relationship and remain friends he was wrapped up in college life and her in her new fame and lavish life. She was being courted by older men like Jack she was feeling wild and ambitious. She accepted Jack's offers she went on a few dates with him and had drinks with him but never gave in to him._

_3LS released their first album and their 2and album within five months of each other both shot up to the top of the charts. 6 hits from each they got movie offers tv appearances they were sought after for talk shows, interviews._

_Jack didn't like the music industry he thought it was a waste of time , Joss loved every second of it the work and the rewards she loved touring making music the bigger they got so did their problems mangers taking profits from them people using them exes trying to bring them down. Meredith struggled to keep her old life from crippling her new life drugs became a way to cope she drank constantly but kept it in check when it was time to work._

_One night after a brutal fight with the girls she turned to Jack they drank for hours and talked and laughed made love despite their problems 3SL kept making music and the money kept rolling in. even though they were still broke which no one understood how you could be making millions and not have money well when you factor in studio time, agents, mangers, stylist makeup and wardrobe . PR endorsements lawyer fee's it all adds up._

_Lil Droppa's Bf Michael started to make trouble even though she hated his game she loved him ._

_Joss discovered she was pregnant right as they were leaving for their 2and tour she performed every night and did every interview all while battling morning sickness. _

_Jack wanted her to quit but she refused she kept touring she gave birth on the road Jadelyn Rose _

_West was born in Salem Mass on July 26th 1994._

_Jade grew up around the road a happy active child she idolized her mom and quickly learned how to dance becoming a crowd pleaser often being brought out to lead kids in a kids moment teaching them how to dance and add their own style to it._

_She started playing piano guitar and drums singing and writing her own songs at every show 3SL gave her her own solo. She had no problems meeting people and making friends ._

_Which is why when she meet me she was so quick to pull me into her world . Jade was so easy to get along with we had so much fun making up her own dances playing dress up writing songs together we created our own world we loved to explore every place we rolled up into. _

_Her parents constantly fought her dad wanted her mom to quit and raise Jade normal back in La her mom refused saying she was getting the best education a child could get. Jack would get drunk to ease his frustrations which is when he would get mean and start hitting Joss. Jade would watch in horror as her dad would beat on her mom. Her eyes would go wide and she would tremble I saw the sparkle die from her eyes which filled with tears which she never let fall her mouth would close forming a tight line her fist would ball up her whole tiny body would tense as I would hold her while she shock and clung to me._

_Her mom would fight back but he was taller stronger physically shoving her screaming at her calling her names. Telling her she was wasting her life and screwing up Jade's life. _

_I never let Jade rush in to save her mom she tried she screamed for him to stop hurting mommy but I was so afraid he'd hurt Jade or worse so I would pull her away and pull her into another room. I would make up a play or sing a song force her into it as loud as we could anything to block out her mom and dad. The sounds of his fist pounding her flesh yet no amount of pretend could ever make her forget I know I still see it in her eyes.. it's more hidden but it's there._

_Everyone use to tell Jade she had her mom's spirit and talent but her dad's looks. The light skin and the brown hair she hated it more and more everyday . I remember her standing in front of the full length mirror naked just staring at her body wondering what she could do to change every feature she got from her dad._

_As we grew so did our friendship we supported each other through auditions classes we were home schooled on the road. We were each others motivations for studying passing tests. We discovered secret places all over the world we liked to check out different theaters in every country. We each did really well in school work but Jade excelled at English and history._

_While Math and Science were my specialty we encouraged each other and found ways to make each other motivated. Jade would read to me every night she would start the story and I would take over. She would encourage me to pronounce the words correctly. _

_We would make up our own songs to spelling words and our own stories._

_In turn I would use Math in a dance form it became a science to us both._

_When we started getting roles we would help each other study our lines Jade is amazing at accents and we would have so much fun pranking people on the phone. By the time we were 10 we had already done a 100 commercials theater and tv specials._

_When we were 13 we landed our big break in NYC we got to move by ourselves in a apartment it was the best time ever. Jade was always so grownup even then she was like my mom protecting me and taking care of me . We spent 15 hours in rehearsal plus we had hours of school work . Her parents married but their fighting only got worse and it killed me to see Jade shut down to avoid feeling._

_That year in NYC was the one time is aw Jade completely free she was 13 but she already had the world on her shoulders but when we were there she was free we would crawl up to the roof watch the stars and the traffic she would hold me so tight._

_I can't pin point when I started to feel how I feel but I know NYC had a huge part of it every time she would hold me I would feel a rush and a spark of excitement course through my body. My face would flush and I felt tingly I noticed everything about her the way she flipped her hair when she was nervous the way her eyes closed into slits when she was watching someone she felt was a threat. The way she just lost herself in a good song. How itchy she got when it was spring and the grass started to grow how bee's scared her and made her scream._

_How horror movies made her laugh and squeal with glee as they left me wetting myself having nightmares. _

_How kittens made her coo even though she was deathly allergic to them. _

_We grew up a lot that year we had to learn how to pay our own bills budget our money cook for ourselves . We had a woman who watched over us a member of the Broadway staff but we were basically on our own._

_During that year my dad and Jade's dad opened a business together ._

_After 13 closed Jade's mom moved to La with 3SL to work on another album , to get the business in La started my dad moved Randy and I there as well. _

_I loved living in La the cali sun on my skin the open space the beach shopping the feel of it all , Jade missed NYC how it never slept how every night she could go to any corner and it would be alive. _

_Every night she escaped her home life to come to my place. Her dad's violence got worse he beat her mom down to the point where she would lay bleeding and begging for mercy. Jade would try to stop it and he would turn on her beat her and laugh in her face, she would run to my house full of bruises and cuts headaches so bad she would pass out cold in my arms. Blood would be pouring out, I would wipe away her tears and snot cuddling her I would do anything for her I just wanted to take her mind off of the evil in her house._

_She would dream about the day she would escape to be on our own again for real._

_I was lucky in a way I mean even though we struggled in the start my dad never gave up and my life was great my brother Randy was 14 and he was was the most popular boy in our private school every girl wanted him he was captain of the baseball and basketball teams he was on honor roll and debate club he was cute smart and funny and very protective no one messed with his little sisters which he included Jade. _

_Still a part of me was sad cause I knew our mom never loved us the way Jade's mom loved her. Dad always said we were the best presents god gave to him so why didn't mom feel the same? Was it something we said or did? If I had behaved better would she have stayed? I wondered why did god not think I deserved a mother? I got sad when Jade would go to hers for advice cuz I couldn't go to mine._

_So I buried myself in music acting and church. Sometimes I did so much acting I forgot how to be Cat and I stayed in character who were always happy and never had to deal with sadness and pain._

_I dreamed she was on tour like jade's mom and she was beautiful and smart and she was away helping people through her dance. My dad never lied to us he told us the truth but I was a kid and I loved fairy tales._

_I got a rude awakening that year when she returned strolling into our lives begging dad to take her back saying she was ready to make a commitment be a wife and a mom. Reality didn't match my fantasy even though everyone told me I looked like her with our curly brown hair and same eye color. I never saw what people saw I mean she was down right rude to us and she was a snob thinking she was better then anyone else. She never showed me love or hugged me she told dad she wanted to build a relationship with me but when it came time to do it she ignored me teased me shoved me away telling me I was a airhead foolish ugly silly ..yet Randy was a angel she showered him with love and affection which left me to wonder all over again what was wrong with me? Why didn't I get that love and attention? Jade was my refuge during these times telling me I was beautiful talented and special._

_Mom never stayed long enough to trust just to get money from dad and go to her next job. I never knew where she was I just saw my dad staring out the window sad trying to fight off his own tears and fears. It broke my heart and Randy's he would get so mad he would punch the walls and blame himself. I would hold him reassure him it wasn't his fault._

_It went that way over and over she would come into our lives my dad would plead with her to stay and commit profess his love for her, she would make all these promises to him to us then she she'd be gone for weeks again._

_My dad struggled to keep it all together while dealing with Jack who he found out was embezzling money from the company blowing off meetings and deals. He drank more and more so my dad called a secret meeting and had her dad thrown out one guy took it farther and reported it to the police he was charged and sentenced for five years. _

_Jade's dad blamed mine even though he was innocent he forbid Jade to see me but locked up he couldn't do anything to stop us from being friends._

_Right about then when Jade needed me is when I failed her Randy had gone on a date with some girl he met through a friend. He disappeared it brought my mom back with my dad we were all worried about him not knowing where he was or what happened._

_I vented to Jade who held me and comforted me she spent night after night helping us look. Then her world crumbled more 3SL were in the recording studio in La Jade was there while my family met with the police. Lil Droppa's past caught up to her in a big way a rival gang who saw her bf Michael hanging with them opened fire on them. Jade was 13 when she watched her mom throw herself over Lil Droppa to protect her from the bullets , Jade watched from inside as her moms bloody body dropped to the ground. The members screeching off cheering shouting " Bloods Live" Crips killa's '' the girls screaming and running while her mom gasped glass shattered._

_Jade told me she stood frozen till she was shoved by someone running away and then her legs took off she fell as she tripped over someone's body but she crawled over the broken glass to get to her mom who lay gasping and bleeding. She told me she saw the fear in her mom's open eyes and the pain as she held her chest. She begged and cried for her momma to stay with her telling her over and over she loved her and needed her. Nothing worked though as hard as her mom tried as much as she wanted to live. She couldn't talk she could only sign ' I love you' 'be strong' she fought for hours but in the end she died holding Jade's hands. _

_I was there in the hospital with Jade when she passed I saw it in Jade's eyes something changed that day a damn broke and she switched out she never let herself cry she buried it inside somewhere. She became angry very angry punching and cursing walls cursing people out screaming but never crying._

_Jade was switched from Foster home to Foster home each one worse then the other , she started dating older guys as away to escape they got her hooked to drugs she dressed provocatively she pierced her eyebrow, nose and nipple, navel. She was smoking every night hanging out late getting kicked out of one home after the next she was beating by several of the people who were suppose to take care of her. Police were called in but they never followed up on her she was arrested for shoplifting cigarettes but they never took the time to see what her home life was like, her breaking point started when one of the men who was suppose to be a foster parent he was a priest highly respected in the community..he...he.._

_Cat Calm down sweetie it's okay.._

_No daddy no it's not she was a kid she needed protection and that animal..._

_Cat what did the Priest do to Jade?_

_He..He raped her and he touched her in places he shouldn't of..._

_Jade lost it she started using crack and drinking unstoppable .._

_I was so scared for her she stopped caring about herself she started having sex with these older men she didn't use protection and I would beg her crying for her to care but she was gone...something in her died when her mom died._

_They say when it's meant to be you just know well that's how I felt about Jade. I mean we were always together we were always more then just best friends. _

_I guess I didn't know what to call it back then now I'm older and I know what I feel is more then just friendship Jade is my other half some may say my better half. I say my braver half she had to deal with so much and she did it while still being there for me, I failed her when she needed me I was so consumed with my brother's disappearance and my mom's show. I let Jade slip through the cracks._

_Jade rebelled more and more dressing in all black she started cutting , I was scared to death she was arrested three more times once for possession of drug paraphernalia once for Promiscuity, the third for assaulting her foster parent after he touched her down below and made her touch him._

_He told the police he caught drugs on her and was trying to discipline her no one believed her story she was locked up for three months. _

_After she was released I dragged her to a clinic to show her the dangers of what could happen if she didn't stop having sex and doing drugs. She told me she would stop and my dad even managed to get the courts to give him custody._

_I was the one who found Randy and when I did I was hurt in the process Jade was there to help me through. _

_I was so caught up with what happened to me and Randy that I never saw what happened to her , Jade's dad was released and took her back we were 15 by then. _

_He was pissed and hardened from jail he put on a appearance at his new job fooled everyone even met a woman and got married had a son but he drank and when he got home he was tired of putting on a face and he took it out on Jade they would fight all the time she disgusted him with her clothes her makeup her attitude, she rebelled against him by what he hated most following her own dreams. We both auditioned for Hollywood Arts and we were accepted. _

_To celebrate and piss off her dad and my mom both we dyed our hair hers black and mine Red Velvet like my aunt Catrina who my mom hates. _

_Jade looks so much like her mom now that it drove her dad nuts it was like seeing a ghost, the beatings got worse._

_Watching beck and Jade fall in love was like having my heart ripped out from inside of me slowly but repetitive every day they would kiss in public often and shamelessly the looks they gave each other were so cute and so sweet. I was the first to know when she started having sex with him she was so scared he would find out her history and hate her I was the one who had to reassure her she was beautiful and that beck would love her._

_I buried myself in scripts and homework I took on every audition became every character I could..As close as Beck and her became though I find it comforting to know I was the one she turned to when her dad started touching her and raping her he said he was teaching her how to be a good wife to Beck he didn't know she had already been making love to him, he thought he was teaching her something every woman should know that's what he told her._

_I saw her starting to unravel bit by bit her step mom started leaving her brother in her care so she could shop and hang with friends. I knew Jade was slipping but I didn't..._

"_Cat it's okay please calm down it's not your fault''_

"_But it is don't you flipping see I was her best friend I'm her girlfriend I should of seen it coming''_

_When Beck broke up with her she was devastated she drank to the point of passing out she got so sick that morning. I held her while she cried I told her she was beautiful it took a long time for her to believe in me to believe in herself again but I got her there..._

_We connected in a beautiful way when I sang her a song I had writing she finally understood how much I loved her and she told me she loved me to ..she was finally starting to heal...i just don't know where it fell apart.._

_Maybe my love just wasn't enough to save her..maybe my issues on top of hers were just too much for her to take..._

I tried a different approach with Cat she was feisty and independent but she blamed herself and I hated to do it but if I could get her to keep it up I may get to the bottom of it.

_What issues do you have Cat? _

_You mentioned being hurt does this have something to do with it?_

She looked at her dad again who rubbed her back looking nervous himself as he kissed the top of her head.

_Randy's kidnapper she...she drugged me and knocked me out.._

Cat lowered her eyes unable to go on she stared out in space Monet went over and hugged her as I felt such sadness for this young girl...

Her Dad finished for her..my blood went cold..

_The bastard little girl that kidnapped my son also shot my daughter up with LSD and it's given her hallucinations ever since..._

Oh Chiz now I knew where I knew her from...


	30. Chapter 29 Let's Go

**Live It Up**

**Carly's p o v**

_Lets go live it now_

_Like we will never have another chance_

_Lets go Live it out Loud _

_Live it Long_

_Get Your feet on the dance floor lets go lets go_

_I wanna show you my world_

I was dizzy from all the dancing sweat was pouring down my back and chest as I lifted my leg up against Beck's waist his hands rested against my butt squeezing them as I pressed my chest against his.

He twirled me around the dance floor as the music kept us pumping arms flying as we moved our hips back and forth the floor was packed so packed you couldn't move from the spot you were in. which was fine by me I had no desire to move from where I was in Beck's arms. Laying my head on his chest as we moved I closed my eyes and let the music flow through me. I could feel how tense Beck was his arms wrapped tightly around me as he held me and moved with me he loved music and I knew this is what he needed. As soon as he called me I knew something was up I had raced from school down to La where he was in the park near tears his face beat red. It had taken awhile for him to open up but we walked through the park he was so angry I did everything I could to calm him down my heart beating wildly thinking he had discovered I was cheating on him. I shouldn't care but he was a decent guy and he didn't deserve what I was doing to him. He took my hand and twirled me around it was like the lyrics were mocking me..

_Living in your fancy house _

_Your walls of deceit and your words of lies_

_Thinking your untouchable all these rules you are breaking_

_Your facade hides the ugly truth protects you from_

_The consequences of your lies..Think you can pull one over one me_

_Lets go I challenge you lets go!_

_I can be just as dirty and down lets roll_

_One! Two! Three someday these walls will crumble around you_

_I will still be standing amongst the rumble and dust _

_Sirens ringing out is that the future you want?_

_You have one life to live what will you chose?_

_Lets Go!_

He dipped me down as I slide and jumped up coming around behind his back he spun and pulled me to him our bodies moving as one.

_We are young and living life out loud_

_Live like we will never have another chance_

_To breathe this air and taste the sun_

_Lets go!_

After what was hours of dancing Beck needed a break I could keep going but I could use a drink so I took a break grabbing us some drinks while he searched for a drink.

_Playing both worlds I see right through you Carly_

I spun as I shoved my way through the crowd to the bar who had said that? My eyes tried to adjust to the darkened foggy state. Then I heard the snicker and I knew before I saw her face she was sitting there at the bar grinning as she sipped her vodka.

Lateshia who has never liked me strolled over to me drunk as ever this would be bad.

_I knew you were nothing more then a white shank rich ass hoe_

_Now I have the proof to lay your shit all over the hood bitch you gonna be beat when Jose finds out_

_Your cheating ass is doing boys behind his back_

_Your all talk bitch you ain't got no proof_

_Don't be so sure hoe_

Stupidly she waved her cell phone with the pic of Beck and I dancing in my face without hesitation

I kneed her right in her private part she grunted balancing her drink as I kneed her again grabbing the cell as she groaned losing her balance screaming. Quickly I deleted the pic and then smashed her phone as people shoved past us some stopping to watch as I kicked her and smashed the drink over her head.

_Better watch who you screw with bitch cuz I will lay you out_

As soon as I turned she attacked me damn I under estimated her stupid ass she grabbed my hair and slammed me down against the bar people hooted and howled as she smashed my head against the bar.

My foot came up kicking her in her stomach.

_You ain't hood bitch stop trying to play like you some down and rough bitch _

_You ain't nothing but a white class rich hoe thinking you can be down and land one of ours_

_Stay your white ass up in the hills cuz I will destroy you_

She had my arms pinned behind my back as she slammed my head against the bar I tried to kick her but all 200lbs of her was pressed against my body I could barely breathe.

_You aint gotta bang bitch for you this is some cheap thrill well I'm telling ya for your own good_

_Get back to the hills stay away from the hood_

_We have to bang this isn't a choice this is our life_

_You got a family that loves you damn girl you got the best education you got money what the hell are you doing down here_

_Go back home never come down here again and I will keep your dirty little secret _

_Come back and I will lay your shit all out_

_Get off of me or I swear I will destroy you Lateshia _

_Try it bitch you can't do nothing to me_

_I got you right where I want you_

She pressed harder as I felt the breath leaving me what could I do? I was getting dizzy and I felt like I was going to throw up so I did what I had to .

She screamed as I broke her hand and spun around hitting her repeatedly twisting her arm she fell on her knees crying out as I slammed my elbow down on her nose she screamed louder.

_Never mess with me bitch cuz I will not go down without blood_

_I know what you go down with Carly you give everyone the crab bitch _

_Shut-your mouth you just jealous cuz all the boys want me and not your fat ass _

Grabbing her hair I dragged her over to the bar grabbing a bottle and smashing it over her face and slammed her face against the floor just as some guy decided that would be a good place to wazz.

Pissed I headed to the bathroom to clean up Beck had to be wondering what had happened to me. The bathroom was packed and I had to shove my way through the dark smelly area where people were smoking weed and having sex out in the open. The sink was fifthly but I needed to wash up.

When I finally got to the table with our drinks Beck was so relieved he hugged me pulling me onto his lap we drowned our drinks and decided to go.

We drove through the hills over looking everything I was tired and hot and sore. Most of all worried I wasn't stupid this would require payback I knew all too well I would be gunned for.

I needed to shot Missy a warning but I couldn't explain it to Beck who was nuzzling my neck kissing my body making me moan.

I was worried what would happen? If Jose found out everything could be in jeopardy.

For now I couldn't worry I had to just relax and try to help Beck who was torn up about Jade being arrested. We talked forever he told me how much he loved Jade as a friend and was so worried about her and how he was worried about Robbie and how much he looked at him as a brother.

After three hours of talking he kissed me hard.

He turned me around and laid me down on the grass as he crawled on top of me kissing me I held him as he unzipped his pants and pushed my skirt up.

_You sure Beck?_

_Yes I need this I need to feel myself inside of you_

_Are you alright Carly?_

_Yea of course as long as your okay.._

I kissed him long and hard as he pushed inside of me I groaned as I held him close.


	31. Chapter 30 Times Up

**Times Up**

**Carly's p o v**

My nervous were in full force as Missy drove us down to the hood to prepare we were beyond drunk , Missy was calm as hell confident that Lateshia wouldn't be stupid enough to say anything since we were about to do a major job and needed everyone together.

I wasn't so sure I mean I had messed her up good. It was late past 12am and it was cold so I had that to keep my focus on how was I suppose to get this guy to drop his pants in this chill? I didn't even want to and I was always ready for sex.

More importantly though I was freaking out late last night the crips had rolled up and shot a diner killing six bloods so the police were on high alert how were we suppose to pull this off? Why was I freaking out now though? I loved this stuff it's what pumps my blood going ,so what was wrong with me?

Once we got to T-dawg's house we set up our plan Jose came over in full gear he was in blood mode we pounded fists as he kissed me I sighed in relief she hadn't said a word. Missy spoke what I was thinking.

_Where's Lateshia?_

_Gurl no one knows she went clubbing last night and no one's seen her ass she prob drunk passed out some where she'll be dealt with at a later date trifflin ho'_

Nicki answered as I breathed another sigh of relief my heart still pounding this was a big job and I didn't need anything messing it up.

We broke open a forty and drowned it smoking some weed before we rolled up to the joint. Taking a deep breath we went up pounding fists we cried out our logo ' bloods for life'.

The girls and I went to the door where we saw the body guard who's name I could never remember. The boys were set inside ..Missy grabbed his collar fooling with it he eyed her busty breasts his eyes watering as Laura played with her breasts. Melanesia's perfume was enough to drive any man horny

Lena had jumped on this dude's back still not sure how he was yelling as he tried to fight her off but she covered his eyes as I kicked his knee caps and aimed straight for his private he fell on his knees as Mindy started applying pressure points. We gave the boys the signal to start.

Once he was out we dragged him to a back room and locked the door I was just glad I didn't have to have sex with this dude.

Missy and I went inside to see that things had gone horribly wrong the police were already outside and it was mass confusion Te-Shaun had a girl held hostage she was screaming … why did I know that voice? She was pleading for them not to hurt her..I saw the back of her boyfriend pleading with him to let her go he had his hands up and a police officer right by him Krazy fingers had him at gun point the police officer shot him. The girl screamed as she tried to fight him off she was tough and I saw Te-Shaun struggling but my fingers wouldn't pull the trigger why?

Some of the lights had been shot out plus the grenades had gone off so it was dim and smoky the lady was screaming as she tried to beat J-Rod with a pole before she could get another hit in Missy fired and she was down.

My heart jumped as I watched her fall my eyes watered as I saw her young daughter screaming for her mommy as she tried to run to her some guy was holding her back yelling at us to get out he would give us the money..

Seconds later he was shot and the girl ran out screaming running to her mommy .. The police officer was turning and spinning sweating as he pointed his gun he didn't know which was to point first.

_Cuore.. _

Missy hissed to me Missy's eyes looked at the girl as she had her gun pointed at the police officer's back. I couldn't shot a kid...I wasn't that heartless she was innocent just a little girl..my heart was beating so fast I thought I would be sick I could barely breath ...my eyes darted between the girl on the floor holding her mom's body. To the girl being held hostage and her boyfriend pleading..which posed a greater threat? The kid could testify but she was a kid she would be so confused would she even remember? The teen she was older she would remember more and the boy.._Pop_ Missy Shot the officer he fell in a pool of blood as the teen started screaming..I gripped my 9 mill as I looked around.

_Dad! No! Daddy!_

Pop pop gunshots rung out as the boys came racing around the corner with the money .. The teen was uncontrollably sobbing hysterically as her boyfriend tried to get her to calm down. He dropped to his knees trying to hold the wound so the bleeding would stop.

_Hold it right there! Police!_

They panicked I saw it in their eyes as De'Jaun was shot by the police my eyes darted what should I do? It was so dark and smoky and it was hot inside.

The police charged in screaming orders for us to let the hostages go.. Shots rung out loud and fast my crew was dropping.. I couldn't die no way I was too young I was only 16 what the hell should I do?

Missy screamed I saw her drop blood splattered everywhere as her eyes rolled back my legs felt weak Oh God No Not Missy my heart was going so fast I couldn't see straight there was so much going on so fast. . The boy leaped up attempting to charge Te-Shaun who was distracted when Missy went down almost near panic, the girl was kicking and trying to bite but he was holding her tight then the boy leaped up and tried to wrestle the gun from him.

_Cuore.. Help!_

I looked around where was everyone? G-Dawg was pinned down by 5 cops being handcuffed kicking and screaming as they maced him and beat him. Darius Christopher Jonah D-Song was shot by the police as he shot three officers .

Nicki busted in as she opened fire with her Ak-47 and blasted so many officers I couldn't count, Stacey Jersey aka FaceBusta dropped as the police sprayed his eyes out and kicked him.

Te-Shaun called out for help as he roughly dragged the girl out and her boyfriend chased him trying to grab her, The police charged Te his eyes were wild. Slim Bone threw a grenades as my finger closed around the trigger, the sound of Killa screaming caused my heart to jump as his little 13 year old body dropped right next to Missy's I felt sick I was dizzy First Missy now Little Killa..

_Cuore! Help!_

_Police stop there!_

_Let her go! Drop the gun release the girl!_

_Bam!_

The sound vibrated through my hand and burned my fingers my whole body trembled from the shots I fired. I swallowed feeling vile shove its way up through my stomach. Everything was so fast yet in my eyes it was slow after the shots were fired. I watched as the boy fell and the girl screamed I felt a rush of pain and fire burn through my arm as I felt my knees give out ...He fell to his knees as his girlfriend watched in horror before another bullet my bullet pierced her chest and she fell. Te-Shaun started blasting the cops as he ran a total of five steps before cops surrounded him and he was shot dead.

I watched as blood poured out of the boys back as she fell by his knee's screaming blood pouring out of her own chest her hand over her wound as her eyes went from her dad to her boyfriend. She gasped as she spit up blood screaming their names over and over . As her own fatal wound seeped crimson out all over her own hands.

_Get down Hands in the air drop your gun!_

Who were they yelling at? There was no one left standing all my crew was laying dead in their own blood or arrested face down on their hands and knees. Those who hadn't escaped that is where was Laura? Did she get away? Oh god I prayed she was safe.

_I said get down!_

I looked around who were they screaming at ? Why wasn't the stupid fool listening? A rush of air took my breath away as I felt someone pushing me down...Oh that stupid fool was me..They were yelling at me...But wait why?

Cold stinky muddy tiles meet my face I cried out in pain as my arms were twisted behind my back. Cold metal slipped around my wrist as it hit me

My Life was never going to be the same..

I was under arrest ..


	32. Chapter 31 Six Months

**Dear Time**

**Cat's P. O . V**

_When I look out_

_When I see the twinkle of those lights _

_Sometimes I get a little scared _

_Life passes by so fast _

_O-H Y-E-A-H_

_Time it slips by _

_Leaving me with only my yesterdays_

_Sweet Memories _

_I remember every detail of those memories we made it seem like it _

_Was just yesterday _

_When we tied those strings of hearts around that balcony bars_

_Do you still recall the promises we made_

_Sweet giggles secret dreams_

_It's all gone by so fast _

_We lived a life no one but us could ever understand_

_We grew up we moved away but we leave behind us a true fairy tail_

_Please tell me you still remember_

_Cause I know time has gone by it's changed you and I but I still remember_

_The Promises we made_

_The string of hearts on those balconies_

_Ten Years is a long time Sixteen is the start of the rest of our lives_

_It's confusion so many directions so many choices_

_What will we deiced? _

_When this changes our whole lives_

_In my world when I awaken impulsive dreams drive me _

_Wild how I can see it play out all before my eyes_

_In the middle of the night darkness surrounds me_

_Screams of terror cries of pain_

_Suppress my soul how can I escape without _

_Sacrificing who I am what I stand for?_

_Smiles cheers golden sunshine happiness its what people except of me _

_No oh no one knows me like you do_

_Yes I know its taboo cause loving you so many people say its wrong_

_Tell me how if its wrong why does it feel so damn good?_

_Maybe their the ones who are wrong cause when we turn down the lights_

_When your lips are touching and kissing mine I close my eyes_

_I'm transported to a whole new world a different time_

_Baby it never felt so right _

_Your lips your eyes I see right through dark orbs filled with so much more beauty and love_

_Shining deep from within when they touch me I melt inside every whispered word it brings me right back_

_Cause you got my soul_

_Like a string of hearts you tied me up _

_But I don't mind the bondage feels so right cuz I realize_

_You are my life you captured my soul like a starlight you are my starbright_

_An angel of darkness a rainbow of sadness_

_Let me be your unicorn I tried to fight it _

_I let the fear and judgment of others _

_Sway what my heart was telling me_

_Felt so right_

_But in the dark I revert to my little girl.._

_When I think of your sweet smile_

_When I hear your laugh I am reminded _

_You are my sting of heart so why should I care_

_What anyone else says when I know you are my arms away from home_

_You know my pain my fears you are the one who sees the tears behind the smiles_

_The darkness masked by cheerful comedy _

_You are the one who's held me_

_When my time stands still and all I see is two little girls_

_Who stood 6 feet tall making promises tying a string of hearts_

_Sometimes when I get sad when I think about _

_All the pain you had to live through and I realize_

_I wasn't always the best friend that you needed_

_I know he broke your heart and I just want to be the one_

_You crawl to hide away your fears be the one who washes away your tears_

_You know I hate the dark and now all my colors have gone away_

_Casted me in darkness why does life have to play cruel tricks_

_How is it fair a young kid is left on her own in a world we do not know_

_I don't feel safe without your arms_

_I watch helplessly as I think of all the hearts_

_We broke over the years by our choices_

_Rows and Rows of graves strung by our strings of hearts_

_Now they have little comfort but I feel the need to say it anyway_

_I take the blame baby its my shame to bear _

_I let you down I'm sorry I dropped the string of hearts_

_But you need to know that I will always put you first _

_You are never not first in my heart _

_Even if you never forgive me I must say _

_I will apologize cause I was in the wrong _

_If I could go back into time to when we were children _

_If I could grab some innocence I would do it all over again_

_Faster then we could string a string of hearts _

_The fabric of our lives so delicate we only get one chance_

_Around the sun and I'm gonna make it last_

_Treasure every memory I won't live in regrets_

_Like the mind of a child through the eyes of a tiger_

_Wild and free believe in love_

_Believe In you_

_Believe in me_

_Believe in us_

_I promise I will do anything to prove to you_

_Trust forever and always I will never forsake you _

_I will take care of your fragile heart_

_Like a string of hearts woven forever frozen in time_

_So is the story of us..."_

"_Excellent job Cat _

_Thanks Mr. Anthony _

I sighed taking my seat looking around my eyes hurt from so much crying it seems that's all I've been doing lately I was so sick of being sad and hurting , but that's seems to be the story of my life sometimes I wish I could go back to being a child before life became so difficult back when I could run through fields and laugh and spin and collapse and just stare at the sky. When Randy and I could swing on rope swings and balance on tightropes above trampolines when we fell we would bounce and laugh and we never worried about being hurt cause we were young and foolish. We didn't know hurt we were kids we brushed it off.

I looked around at the class Trina was staring off in the distance her eyes red from crying like I had ..but Trina had no idea how frigging lucky she was...

Tori her sister she lived she beat all odds...

Andre he was alive in a coma but alive..

Jade.. Jade was locked up for who knows how long it had been over six months and I hadn't been allowed to see her yet. The tears fell as I thought of her alone and scared …

I was desperate to see her ..

As soon as class let out I went out my arms were shaking as I got up I still felt sick and dizzy my dad thought it was the new stronger medication that I was on but it wasn't it was my broken heart. It was my fear of not knowing how Jade was.

_Cat wait up!_

I looked back to see Beck by me in a instant he wasn't looking so hot himself sweaty and pale I knew it hit him hard his beloved girlfriend the one he swore up and down was innocent and pure ..the bitch wasn't so clean after all.. Jade was right she was evil.. it was because of her that Andre was in a coma and Tori was a mess.

She hadn't spoken to Beck since the shooting she was plagued by nightmares. She was sick and scared she was by Andre's side the whole time.

Today was her first day back at school between her own surgery and recovery and being with Andre she had missed a lot. I should go over to her but my legs were frozen I just wasn't in the mood to try to be cheerful and positive when in truth all I wanted was too go to bed and curl up and never come out.

_What do you want Beck?_

_Um I wanted to know if you were okay?_

_I know I've been a crappy friend but I do care about Jade _

_I just got caught up with everything_

I swallowed was it really fair to blame him? He didn't know and he had been a goof friend to me up till recently.

_No I'm just so sad all the time I miss her and I need her_

_Andre was suppose to look out for her but..._

_I know Cat and it's something I will live with forever_

_She's strong Cat I know this for a fact we did date for almost three years_

_Please I can't take you being mad at me I didn't know Carly was a blood I swear_

_Beck stop please I already have a headache _

_I know you were just as shocked and just as hurt by all of this_

_So does that mean were okay?_

_Yea I was never mad at you I just have so much going on_

_Cool can I get a hug?_

_Yea I could use one myself_

He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I melted in his arms smelling his scent we stayed that way for a few minutes till we were interrupted by a..

_Lookie what we have here Hollywood Arts new it couple_

_Robbie shut-up_

_Were just friends put the puppet away before I shove him in the trash compacter_

_Woah No need to get all manly Beck its cool Rex was just going down for a nap anyway_

_No I wasn't hey I never agreed to a ..._

Before Rex could finish Robbie had shoved him into his locker as Trina and Tori came up Tori looked strained and as tired as I felt. We headed to the cafe none of us saying anything more.

Once we had sat down Beck went up with Robbie to grab our food I put my head down on my bag my stomach felt so sick and my head felt so cloudy my eyes felt like two glue sticks . I wanted to talk to Tori I hadn't seen her much since she was released from the hospital. I didn't know what to say though.

She was looking pretty damn god she had color in her face she was smiling and laughing but I could see she was acting her eyes showed a different side.

I should ask about Andre I should ask if she needed anything maybe she needs a hug.

Before I could decide she had her arms wrapped around me, her lips pressed against my head.

_Cat do you need anything?_

She was an angel how could she be so concerned about me when she had been shot when her boyfriend was in a coma?

I busted into tears as she held me and rocked me helping me up wrapping her arm over my shoulders.

_Everyone's been so concerned about me and Andre no one's even asked about you _

_That's not fair you've been through hell and back talk to me what's going on?_

We walked to the garden which was beautiful sitting on a bench I laid my head on her shoulder.

_I need to go to a meeting on Saturday Spencer he's in charge of this group that helps _

_Juveniles who committed offenses rehabilitate_

_Something for Jade?_

_Yea he thinks I can help her_

_Have you seen her?_

_No _

_Want a ride?_

_You don't have to Tori _

_I know but I'm going to the same group thing Spencer asked me to go_

_Why?For Jade?_

_Partly_

_What's the other part?_

_The girl who shot me it's his sister_

_Huh?_

_Yea funny huh?_

_Not the word I would use but sure_

Saturday seemed to arrive too slow but Tori ,Trina, Beck Robbie and I all pulled up at 9:45 am given us enough time to check through security and register and grab some coffee.

The room we were in was small and lacked anything other then a small table with refreshments on it and a few scattered chairs and a couch. The walls were a cream color which was relaxing. I yawned as collapsed on the couch Tori sat next to me her arm locked over my shoulder.

Trina sat next to some Lady who was holding a picture of someone the lady was prob in her forties or so people started to trickle in slowly I closed my eyes as I felt sleep coming over me. The new meds my dad said but I knew it wasn't just that it was pure depression, my heart was broken and I didn't care about anything any more.

I felt Tori shaking me as I yawned and opened my eyes...

Spencer was there now with Andre's Mom and a few other people...Tori's dad should be there but he wasn't...Tori's eyes filled with tears as she clutched her dad's photo and one of Andre.

Everyone got quiet as Spencer stood to address all of us.


	33. Chapter 32 Razor Bars For Doors

**Razor Bars For Doors**

Cold when most people think of the word they think of low body temperatures but when people think of me and refer to that word ..they ain't thinking about the temperature of their body.

For the longest time they had it right well half right anyway. But its not like they think I don't feel because I choose to I don't feel cause I was never taught how to feel.

When your whole life the only feeling you've become accustomed to do is pain unexplainable unjustifiable pain what do you do? You try to block it out ..you want to shut it out you want to escape. You stop caring ..my dad from my earliest memories told me " never let someone make you feel ashamed" Never let someone see you feel. Never Apologize Never Regret "

Cold the body temperature when most people feel it what do they do? They run inside and put on a sweater and cuddle in a blanket ..they curl up by a fireplace.

What do I do when I'm cold? I excise I do pushups and pullups I run in place in my tiny cell. Because physical pain is the only warmth I have ever known.

Monet's drill sergeant voice rung out deep and powerful as she stood up in front of me.

_I want to get in your face Sam_

_I want you to face the truth face the facts of why your really here_

_I want you to explain to someone why your here_

I sat frozen as she motioned to the door where a guard stood watching over us girls Officer Falconry opened the door. My head turned to Ashlee as she spoke to me.

_No Fronting no more Sam this is real girl you gotta make a change _

Liz stood up addressing us

_We want you to understand your anger Sam _

_I'm talking to all of you it's easy to get angry_

_We want you to get behind the feeling of anger_

_We want you to ask yourselves why am I angry?_

_What are you thinking what are you feeling?_

_We know this is painful we know it hurts and makes you feel weak_

_Well its not weak it takes real strength to admit when your scared or hurt_

_We get you don't want to do it _

_Well guess what we don't care because your here for doing whatever you wanted in the past and this is where you got for doing that _

_So ask yourselves how does this feel? _

_It's painful looking inside and confronting what you have buried deep inside_

_These feelings however are going to come out and they are going to hurt someone a mother a wife_

_Another kid unless they are dealt with a cage tiger will always come out and break the bars._

Really animal comparisons for real?

_I see the look your giving me Sam and I can see what your feeling but I want you to tell me_

I crossed my arms glaring at her she wasn't going to intimidate me I've barely spoken in almost three years why the hell would I start now?

_You think your so bad so tough huh? You think because you've been victimized that your anger is now a force it's your source of strength.._

_Do you know what it really is? Answer me Sam_

I just looked at her she shoved me as she turned to the group the anger boiled over days after days of months of hearing her screaming at me just made me snap. I caught myself as I raised my fist and readied myself to swing just as I pulled back to aim another member of our group jumped up and yelled out.

_Sam don't!_

_Think about what your doing .._

I looked at her...

Suddenly I had a new feeling shame...Why?

Because of her those deep dark pools of Brown orbs looking at me pleading with me to stop and think and not just react. That rich silky brown hair which clung around her baby face her honey skin...she looked and me her eyes almost watering as she talked to me.

Her voice was smooth and never judging ..

_Sam your anger isn't your strength it's your wound and its open and bleeding you need to clot it_

_You'll have the scar for life but you can stop the hurting and bleeding ..You have to make the choice_

_That's the reason why were all here we need to learn what caused us to feel this anger and this pain_

_We need to confront and stop fronting we need to explore and learn to control our anger _

Liz nodded at Carly Shay as I felt myself growing red again but not with anger with shame and hopelessness damn how could I lose it in front of Carly like that?

Sweet beautiful giggly Carly ..defeated I sat down burying my head feeling dizzy and tired breathless...I felt her hand on my back before I saw her kneeling in front of me.

_Sam I want you to help yourself we have a chance here for whatever reason we ended up here and not in the pen we both did horrible things we should have been thrown in with the big boys and girls but someone believes in us..I believe in us I want to build a life with you but I can't do it alone and neither can you. _

Liz came over and placed her hand on Carly's shoulder she rose slowly my eyes followed her as Monet's voice called to me.

_Sam I want you to explain to someone why your here_

Again? Didn't I already do that with those teens? That's how I earned yet another assault charge yet another attempted murder rap? Monet was talking to me I tried to pay attention but my head was really pounding now. I felt Carly take my hand a contact we normally aren't allowed it was simple but it filled me with warmth.

I tried harder to listen as Monet spoke to me her voice becoming softer as she opened the door .

_You can say many things as to what lead you here Sam you can blame your momma cause all she did your whole child-hood was sell your body- your body for sex so she can get her drugs._

_You can say she never showed you any love or protection_

_You want to blame your daddy cause his motto was " If someone touches you then you hit them back and you hit them harder you make sure they never have a chance to hit you again"_

_Tell me Sam where did that get him?_

My lips were dry as I stared at her my chest felt heavy and painful from holding it inside. Death row ..San Quentin Ca that's where. I was eight when they took him away.

_Sam you want to blame your cousins for your being locked down cause they showed you how to steal_

_You want to blame the teachers who gave up on you.._

_Well ask yourself what are you going to say to him..._

Monet stepped aside to let someone inside Officer Stephanie came inside holding my son. His eyes looked around scared and confused.

Monet took his hand as he was let down my heart speed up Chase sat in Monet's lap all the girls cooed at him and he seemed to love it smiling wide as he looked around.

_Man this ain't right this child should be at home playing with action figures he should be playing in the sand box not sitting up in here visiting your sorry butt.._

He was chatting fully with Monet answering questions and laughing my god he was so big and so bright. I hadn't seen him since he was born just pictures that Monet sends me.

Something inside of me stirred a urge to cry I hadn't had in years. Carly's hand rubbed over my back as she whispered into my ear.

Monet asked Chase a question and he looked at her given her his fully attention.

_Chance baby do you recognize this woman? The one sitting across from me?_

She pointed directly at me his eyes went from her face to lock eyes with mine god he had my eyes those straight baby blues.

He squinted I saw the confusion across his face his forehead wrinkled. He looked me over . How could he not know me? I was his mom. Ashlee said what I was thinking.

_Man that's sad see what your actions have cost you Sam cause you trying to be all hard you missed out on the first four years of your son's life he ain't even know you.._

Her words hit me hard my son was growing up to know and trust everyone else but not the one person who should be his first one to turn to.

His Momma the one that little boys run to and kiss the one he brings flowers to his first crush the one who brushes away his tears and tickles him till he cries. The one teaches him how to talk to a girl.

I should be the one who's holding him in my lap..not the one he looks at and doesn't even know my face or my voice.

When he turned to Monet looking confused his eyes filled with tears and questions.

_Should I know that lady?_

Monet gave him a lollipop he took it without question no one was teaching him not to trust strangers. He just took it so trusting so carefree.

_It's okay that you don't know her Chance she's been away from you for a long time your whole life but this lady here.._

_She's your momma_

Monet ran her hand through his hair he was dressed so cute in a green dress shirt with blue overalls his blond hair parted.

_Momma _

He sounded it out looking at both of us he wasn't even sure how to say it he never had a reason and I was the reason he never knew me my stupid choices . I hated knowing I was the one bringing him such confusion and pain in his life. Moms were suppose to be comfort and reassurance.

_Momma can you hold me?_

He held his arms out to me my heart broke because of the choices I made I wasn't even allowed to hold my son. I wanted to punch someone I was so heated but Carly's hand on my back she brought me back to reality violence was the reason I was locked down.

Jade spoke up till now she had been quiet and motionless.

_You see what your doing Sam.._

Liz held up a mirror so I could look at myself I was red and angry looking my hair was wild I looked like a crazy person not a16 year old girl.

_Chance you wanna ask your momma something?_

He turned to me looking slightly at Monet she nodded telling him it was okay.

_Sam Chance here is following in your footsteps he likes to write and put his own rhymes together Chance wanna tell your momma what you wrote?_

How was I suppose to answer him even if he did ask me my throat was so dry and my stomach was rising. He coughed and stood up looking me straight in my eyes he went from a scared looking kid to a kid with confidence as he spit his questions at me in a almost rap like form.

_Momma I just want to know where have you been my whole life?_

_Why ain't you here to tuck me in bed and kiss away my fears?_

_Momma why do I have to live with people I don't know?_

_When will you come and claim me I am suppose to be your son your baby boy_

_So why is it everyone else is taking responsibility for me except you?_

_Momma I only have one dream and that's one day we can be a family even if its just you and me that's okay cause I just want my momma_

_Momma I just want you to hold me cause I feel lost without you by my side_

_So Momma when will you be here to hold me and take me home_

I bent down feeling everything over come me taking deep breaths.

I felt my stomach rise my eyes itch from all my un-shed tears. My chest was hurting from all the stress. Jade's voice was strong as she attacked me.

_Sam your a fool you have a chance to be with your son I can never get that chance to be with my mom_

_Do you know what that feels like? Everyday its a sharp breath taking pain knowing I can never get another kiss or a hug knowing that when I have a problem I can't run to my moms and get advice or guidance. My mom is gone forever because of other people's actions and choices and she never got to chose life or death it chose her you have a choice you have a chance take it stop fronting and just open up show your son what a true man does take responsibility and make the choice and change dammit before you get taken away for life and there ain't no coming back then._

My son stood in front of me waiting for a answer one I could not give him cause I didn't know.

Jade shock her head.

_Your a coward that's what you are man count your blessings you have someone there waiting for you I will do anything to get home to my girlfriend I know what I did was wrong I can blame my breakdown all I want or my daddy for raping me but I picked up those scissors. I made the choice to stab him I took the drugs that messed with my mind._

_Answer your son Sam he's asking you give him the decency to answer him you gonna let him remember you as the bitch who couldn't even look in his eyes and give him the truth? _

I didn't want that to be the picture that my son carried with him for his life. I wanted to be a better person one who he could turn to and ask questions and know I would love him enough to be honest with him.

I hadn't spoken in so long though that my voice was strained and sounded strange even to my own ears.

_I don't know chance it's up to momma to make some changes and its up to a judge to decide if I mean those changes and earned a second chance._

His eyes went from hopeful to confused again and it killed me. Officer Stephanie came over and lifted him up he panicked and reached out calling to me as he started crying.

_Momma ..Momma_

He was taking out and that's what did it I broke crying like a baby as Carly scooped me up in her arms.. how did I end up here? How did the arms of my mortal enemy become my only source of strength and comfort?

_Sam what is your earliest memory? _

Monet asked me I sniffled as I choked on my own tears Carly rubbed my back and held me a rare comfort we weren't usually allowed but group was the one place where they let their guards down.

Where they let us bare our souls and where we were allowed the comfort and touches we weren't allowed growing up or being locked down.

_I was three_

_What were you doing what is happening_?

Monet asks me and I found myself transformed back to my old dirt and roach infested house on the corner of Venice where my dad was standing on the porch with a whole bunch of homeboys and home girls.

_Dad was smoking weed as some girl sat in his lap momma was inside with some guy. I was in there when she brought him in she was giggling and laughing really fake and loud she smelled bad like that liquid she always drank in a bottle...some guy had pinned her against the wall. I had seen him take out the part of his body where pee came out and he was making her rub it and put it in her mouth my twin sister and I were on the steps watching as she put it in her mouth and he made all kinds of noises then she pulled her skirt down and she put it inside of her as she put her legs around his waist she was moaning and he was going in and out of her really fast Melanie was crying so some lady one of dad's friends I called her Monica she took us outside._

_It was loud out there it was late at night prob around 9 or so and people were all over our house everyone was wearing blue and talking real loud drinking that stuff from the bottle that made mom smell so bad._

_Mel was scared so I took her to a corner and played barbies with her but she wouldn't stop fussing and whining and our uncle was getting mad he was yelling at her to shut her hole before he shut it for her and she got even more scared ._

_She wasn't listening to him or me I was trying to calm her down but nothing worked so our uncle Simon took off his belt and whacked her with it across her face she fell on her stomach crying and screaming. I know how much it hurts cause he was always whacking me and I got really mad why was he being so mean? She was only trying to tell the grownups she was tired and wanted to go to bed but some guy was using our room to make another woman make the sounds momma was making with that ugly face dude...they had kicked us out we were hungry there hadn't been food in the house for weeks and we had no money to buy any._

_We hadn't slept in days so she was fussing and uncle Simon went and hit her for it so I got mad and I grabbed some shiny thing on a table it was a gun but I didn't know what it was at the time._

_I took it and hit him over the head with the thick part..he fell and everyone started shouting things and my dad ran over and when he asked me what happened. I told him I thought I was going to be in trouble again mom had grounded me for two weeks earlier for back talking her but instead my dad kicked his brother and picked me up lifting me on his shoulders with the gun held high and laughed telling everyone what I had done all of a sudden everyone was high fiving me and telling me what a true B.G I was and I was confused but I was happy cause usually when daddy was with his crew he never paid us no mind but that day he treated me like a queen._

_He sat me down on the lap of some pretty lady and told his boy to give me a roll up and he showed me _

_What to do how to lite it and how to smoke it._

_I was happy cause he never let me have any before and it took the edge off I didn't feel so hungry or tired just mellow._

_He told me he was proud of me cause I stuck up for my little sister and that this was a reward for me._

I looked up at Liz and Monet who nodded.

_After that my dad let me hang with him and his crew all day. I rarely went to school cause he taught me that I could learn more on the streets then I could in some boring classroom and it was exciting and fun so I never challenged him why would I he was my dad and to me he hung the moon and the stars._

_Mom always said he was a useless stupid thug and I should go to school be like Mel she was pretty smart and sweet and she was going far she was accepted into some fancy school when she was 8 paid for in total by strangers I never really saw her after that. _

_Mom was mad cause Mel was her baby and she loved her so much that when she left she felt abandoned by her so she took it out on me she was always screaming at me telling me I was dirty and stupid and foolish she hit me all the time no matter what I did she hit me when the house wasn't clean which was always, she hit me when she couldn't get her fix or when her and dad fought which was always,_

_My dad though he told me I was street smart and learned fast him and his crew taught me how to load a gun and how to stare someone in their face and what to say to make them listen to you. We worked out all day building our bodies up we ran for hours in the morning we lifted weights ..I lived mainly with him and his boys and his various girls my parents were never married... I loved living there he let me watch as much tv as I wanted as long as I did what he said when he said it._

_My cousins were always around and they were so awesome. I looked up to them they were all reppin for The crips just like my dad...My Cousin TJ was 10 my cousin JT his brother was 11. Alyssa was 9 Sandra was 6 and then we had older ones locked up dead or running the streets TJ and JT's older brother Alex and their sister Valarie were 22 and 18 and we were always with them they would send us into the stores to cause a disturbance, we got to be little bad asses running through the stores throwing things off selves and yelling while they went into the registers stole the money and took whatever form the selves while we lead the clerks on goose chases._

_We were so young and we we never took nothing then so we never got charged just yelled at and kicked out but hey we were use to that in our own houses so no big chiz to us then we would go back to my dad's and be rewarded with weed and alcohol and praises Valerie was always remembering to get us things from where ever they stole so we always had candy and clothes and cds and dvds._

_I was five when my dad had me deliver stuff to my moms he was having me take her some drugs and she had to pay me it pissed her off to no end. She would scream at me and hit me I couldn't fight her cause she was more powerful then me .But at the same time she knew that if she didn't pay me she wouldn't get the drugs dad taught me never give the goods without the green. I always had my piece with me. I always had someone older with me to . So she gave me the money but she never let me forget how much she hated me and reminding me that I was never gonna end up anywhere good in life unlike _

_My sister. _

_The problem was is that I was five and I really didn't know what I was into to and I was impulsive so when my cousin Jaden didn't show up to help me one day I went ahead and figured I could just use my piece and scare her.. she saw that I was alone and she sweet talked me telling me how she wanted to clean me up and give me a good meal._

_I was young and I was hungry and I hated being dirty so I let her she gave me a shower and then when I was coming out she came inside with her boyfriend and locked the door._

_I remember her saying " so you wanna be street tough Samantha well Momma's gonna show you what happens to street girls._

_She told the man he could do whatever he wanted to me as long as she got her fix. I remember him smiling as he told me to drop my towel. I refused so he hit me over and over then he grabbed the towel and threw it aside Mom stood there laughing as the guy pinned me against the wall and put his hand over my peeing area he started moving his hand across me and rubbing it inside I was screaming for him to stop telling him he was hurting me and I didn't like it he laughed and told me that this is what real woman do to please men and I better shut up and take it.. then he pushed his fingers inside of me and pulled out he did it over and over..._

_When he said I was wet enough he unzippered his pants and made me put my hand over his area where he peed it was wet and hard and cold and it felt gross but he made me move my hand over it and he shoved it inside my mouth then he made some strange noises and pulled out he pushed me against the wall harder and pushed my legs apart before he shoved himself inside of me the pain was so bad I had never felt anything like that in my life._

_When he was done he made a bunch of noises and I felt him wet me he was laughing as he rubbed himself against me then he made me turn around and shoved me down so my butt was facing him he started hitting me as mom laughed it hurt so bad, then he entered me and I felt like I would pass out it was worse then what he had just done._

_When he was done he gave my mom something in a bag and she started using some thing to snort it they did a hit together then he had sex with her right there. I was so sore and in so much pain I had no idea what had happened or why it had happened but I knew dad was going to be mad at me cause I never got the money._

_So I did what I had to I picked up my gun and I shot them both._

_Then I ran..._

_I never told my dad what had happened cause after I ran I hide for weeks no one knew where I was I stayed on the streets and ate out of dumpsters I hid away with friends. I went through so many doors I never really knew where home was at that point. Safety wasn't my concern survival was._

_By the time JT found me my dad was so busy trying to find whoever shot them that he didn't even know I hadn't gotten the money . _

_Mom never ratted me out the dude was shot dead. They blamed it on some rival bloods and went out to shoot them my dad took me along._

_I sat in the back with him helping him hold his Tec -9 as we fired shots out in our rival neighborhoods it felt powerful and it felt amazing._

_My dad told me he was proud of me and that I was becoming a true B.G …_

_After that my mom never touched me again..._

_My dad got locked up when I was 8 he took the wrap for me when I went off on a trip .._

_My cousin JT and I had been walking through the park when some bloods opened fire on us JT pushed me down and he was hit..._

_I swore revenge so me and my girls Dana, Lydia and Cassie we got together with some of the older boys.. it was my first hit as a leader. I organized it and I carried it out ..we hit them at a birthday party for one of the members son's he was turning 7 we shot them all up kids and all._

_My dad was arrested he wasn't even there but someone pointed the finger at him and he wasn't no snitch especially on his own kid.._

_After he was arrested my life went to hell mom was always after me trying to get men to use me so she could get her drugs and she would get me when I was asleep without protection she would hold me down while the guys would have sex with me and touch me..._

_I hated her so much I wanted her dead...I started going to school just to escape her but that was hell to the kids made fun of me cause I was always dirty and smelly so I would get mad no one not even the teachers defended me so I would hit back and I hit hard I would beat kids up and one day I snapped I came to school high on so much chiz I can't even name and this prissy girl started on me so I beat her with a curling iron then I used it to curl her face in..._

_I was arrested and sent to Juvie..my new home was now behind bars._


	34. Chapter 33 The Prey Becomes The Predator

**The Prey Becomes the Predator**

**Sam's p o v**

_I got out when I was ten and I was hard core by then no I learned quickly that if you don't watch your back someone gonna get you and I was never gonna be gotten by anyone ever again. While I was locked up I learned a lot. I read, I learned about child right laws and I made sure my mom knew that if she ever touched me. I would send her ass straight to jail for child abuse . I was bigger and tougher and meaner and she knew I was dead serious so she did a 180 instead of threatening me she used me to pass drugs off and to get guys to come here... _

_We started smoking and drinking together I was Initiated into the gang when I was 10. I went to this boys home he was 15 he was a blood and I looked him straight in the eyes and in front of his momma I shot him dead then I shot her to and I shot up the house …_

_His name was Te-Sahn and I killed him in cold blood then I pissed on his face and stole all the chiz I could get my hands on me and my crew wrecked that house in no time._

I watched Carly's face I saw the look in her eyes she knew the kid big shocker "not" she was a blood but it did something to me it's easy to look at your enemies and only see the color and never have to put a face or a name to them well I always prided myself on knowing names and faces cause it gave me more power to look someone in their eyes and call to them by names to me it showed I had no problem killing you no matter who you are I just don't care.

Yet when it came to their loved ones that's where it gets me to look someone in their eyes and say to them yea it was me I killed your homeboy that's when its real man cause I know what that's like to lose someone you love that pain is forever and to know I caused that blood or not well there's no going back .

_Go on Sam keep telling it's your life story it's your crime story.._

_Thanks Carly_

She swallowed as she nodded..I took a deep breath as Jade handed me some water I swallowed and went on.

_I became a leader in the young crip set I was always planning robberies and murders. I was in charge of recruiting and initiation of young wannabes and testing them out_ _will they real or fronting._

_I was sick of being the prey so I bulked up and got tough no one was going to mess with me and they knew it. I earned the nickname McCurdles cause that's what I would do to you if you crossed me I would curdle you up into a ball of snot and your own blood and piss._

_I didn't care how old you were how big you were or who you were repping for if you crossed me you died simple as that. I spent years going in and out of Juvie for petty things stealing cars throwing gang signs running away defacing property fighting drugs you name it._

_I didn't attend school but I learned how to read and write by taggin and by listing to older members._

_I pretty much lived at McDonald's that was our hangout and that's where I met my target for my biggest challenge._

_I was leading this 14 year old boy Damion into his initiation he was hard core his older brothers were members his father was in jail for multiple murders with us. I use to bang with his dad so I took his membership personal he wanted to prove he could roll with us so I made it a big one._

_We hung around schools till we found our target.._

_He was a young rich white kid who was the popular smart good looking boy we knew his family had money and we knew they would pay for him._

_So I started getting his attention smiling looking pretty hanging by him till he noticed me we talked and flirted then he asked me out we dated for a few weeks before we made our moves._

_Damion told him I wanted to meet him in private said I had a surprise for him he lead him to a car which he had stolen once he was inside Damion got behind the wheel and drove him to the cabin I was in._

_Then he knocked him out I tied him up...Damion and I spent weeks tormenting him and raping him beating him... starving him. I molested him and made him cry stripping him naked as I played with him making him beg for mercy as Damion taped it all...Then I would make him touch me and kiss me I would force him inside of myself and make him have sex with me till he was limp then I would beat him.. Damion would sodomize him and play with him.._

_Damion's the one who thought about bringing the kids sister into the mix so we went to the school and started leaving messages and clues for her and she figured it out when she got there I saw in Damion's eyes that this had become his mission he knocked her out I shot her up with LSD his idea.. then he tied her up and raped her over and over again .. All the while he was raping her something inside of me stirred I didn't know what it was.. I never had this experience before usually sex was nothing to me something I had to do to survive not something of pleasure._

_This time it was different I felt I didn't know how to explain it at that moment ..Excited...isn't a good word._

_Were you aroused Sam? _

I looked over at Alicia who had asked the question I thought about it carefully watching as Jade clenched her fist glaring at me.

_Maybe that's a good way to say it I felt pleasured she was laying there naked her skin was the most beautiful peach color. I had ever seen she looked so soft and delicious. She had just a touch of blush and a little shiny lip gloss making her look so young and innocent, I could see her freshly shaven... well you know..._

_No Sam we don't you need to say the words..._

I pounded a fist into a open palm as I looked at Ashlee who had spoken .

_Her freshly shaven private...her vagina.. her legs were spread so wide she was so wet covered in blood and semen and I don't know what else .._

_I could feel a tightness in my lower area forming and I never had that ever but while I watched him push in her and pull out I felt myself growing hard in my nipples. I was starting to feel myself get wet and so tight too tight I had to do something I was going insane so I did the only thing I knew how I slipped my own fingers inside of myself rubbing myself I felt tight in my chest ...When Damion was done. I made him go outside to release himself he was pissed but the less evidence on her the better..When he left I got undressed and went over I started kissing her all over her face lips neck her lovely breasts oh my god they were so plump small but amazing they tasted sweet and salty._

_I started rubbing my body against hers feeling her heat from below as our privates rubbed together my body seemed to respond to her touch my nipples were so hard they hurt. I moved my mouth over her private tasting her sweet juices as my tongue moved in and out of her while I moved her fingers in and out of me my whole body heated up as I started moaning. I never moaned before ever during sex, I was racked with pleasure I had no idea why...then all of a sudden my body went stiff and I trembled ..and wet stuff shot out of me over and over as I moaned..._

_You had your first orgasm Sam didn't you?_

Carly asked me with a smile I nodded.

_How did you feel?_

_Frightened , Confused_

_Why frightened Sam?_

_Cause it made me realize that how I felt my whole life wasn't just because sex was used as a weapon or as control it made me get that I was different I wasn't like most girls who loved having sex with boys.. it made me see that I didn't like boys..I was attracted to girls.. _

_The feeling I got from being with her though from being near someone so beautiful and innocent that made me feel Happy, relaxed . _

I jumped as Jade jumped up leaping at me as she yelled out at me trying to choke me.

_Sick freak!_

_Stop Fronting Sam you say you wanna change then change already_

_What do you think I am trying to do Jade!_

I was charged up I had never hit a pregnant girl before but dam she was pushing me.

_Your hiding your talking like it's a dream not reality_

_What the hell do you mean Jade?_

_They have names Sam use their fucking names they aren't " That boy or That girl"_

Monet stepped in the middle as I stood my ground she gently put her hand on Jade's shoulder looking her in the eyes she was beat red and breathing heavy holding her very extended stomach fists ready to knock me out .

_Jade it's Monet please calm down your baby needs you stress is no good for you please keep calm_

_I know it's hard but Sam needs to tell her story you had your turn let her go.._

_I wanna hear her say her name! _

_Admitting what you did is one step admitting your victims have names families who love them that's another make it real..._

I blinked getting more and more uncomfortable Monet had signaled for a medic Jade was having a panic attack.

Trying to control my breathing I wondered why she needed me to say it we both knew who it was what would it change? I already knew what I did was wrong was saying her name going to make me feel different?

_Say it SAM! SAY her Name!_

Liz looked at me as I swallowed looking around she approached me I had mixed feelings about her she's the one who locked me up who painted me out as a monster to the court . Why was she here now? Why did she care? She cleared her throat as she talked to me softly.

_Sam you want to rebuild your life you want a second chance you must own what you did _

_Stop being the victim Sam be the adult you were the one who victimized this time _

_They were the victims they have names feelings lives say it_

_Sam what happened to you was awful it was unforgivable but its not about the abuse you suffered anymore its about how you learned how to respond to the abuse that's what were seeking treatment here for._

_Empathy Sam that's what were looking for you can't front it when you were torturing these kids what did you feel?_

I paced as I tried to control everything swirling through my head what was I feeling? My chest hurt as I remembered those days that we were in the cabin the look on their faces. Their cries and pleads I recalled all the days I was younger and how I use to cry and plead and no one answered me no one came to help. Now I was the one in control.

_Powerful and justified _

Liz asked me point blank her expression hard penetrating through me.

_Why Sam why did you feel that way?_

_Because it was done to me and no one cared no one helped me I was tired of being used so I was doing the using.._

_So what your saying is that since no one cared for you why should you care for someone else?_

_Yes Liz that's what I am saying I shut down I stopped feeling I made myself hard cause I had to survive_

_No Sam what you are saying in fact is_

_I am going to fight whatever you say cause its easier then facing the truth_

_What truth is that Liz?_

_That you became everything you hated_

_You became your mother cold and uncaring and unfeeling what you tried so hard to separate yourself from what you really did was run to it._

_Bullshit_

_No Sam its not B.S you beat people up you shot people you banged cause it was an escape you didn't have to go to school and face the teachers who gave up on you you didn't have to face doing the work you didn't have to face your mother you hid behind the gang and the color._

_You claimed to be tough but really you were weak and you hate being weak it symbolizes everything you hate_

_Life wasn't fair to you so why be fair to anyone else?_

_Yes no one stopped mom from beating me selling me why should I care if I hurt someones else_

I challenged the group but Jade challenged back as she breathed in the oxygen mask they made her wear.

_Cause they were innocent kids just like you were when you were victimized Sam can't you see that?_

_You took your anger and you inflicted it on anyone and everyone else_

_Just like I did with my dad …_

_What's your thinking error Sam think hard _

I went over the conversation in my head which was swimming and pounding my neck was tight I was sweating and breathing hard.

_Feeling special_

I reply softly after a long time of silence

_I had no control over what happened to me as a child but I had control over what I did to others _

Jade glared at me but her gaze softened as she replied to me..

_Your parents took away your child-hood Sam so you took away your victims childhoods they took your innocence and your trust and threw it away you returned it ten fold_

_You start thinking why me _

_What did I do why doesn't anyone love me enough to be there for me to protect me and make me feel special._

_What's wrong with me? You didn't have a mom she cared only for her own self-fish needs your dad was never really a dad_

_My dad loved me shut-up_

_No Sam you shut-up you look at the facts if your dad loved you he would of made sure your mom never touched you he would of made you go to school do your homework he would of never let you near a gang or drugs or alcohol .._

_So you start to think well screw everyone else I gotta be there for myself and only me_

_By doing so you took away any chance you had of being saved "that boy" cared for you and you betrayed him you hurt him you chose anger and disgust and revenge. You made Cat and Randy feel all those things.._

_I'm Sorry Catrina Cat is reserved for her family and friends_

_You made Catrina feel all that fear you made Randy afraid for his life and for his sisters.._

I didn't even realize I was crying at first till Carly was holding me as I rocked back and forth I saw Cat laying there begging me to let her go begging me to let her brother go offering herself for his freedom and him doing the exact same thing.

_They loved each other they would of done anything for each other Mel left me she never looked back after all I did for her all the beatings I took the yelling name calling I protected her and she left and never looked back.._

_I forced the boy to watch he was trying desperately to help her he was stronger then I imagined._

_I guess watching someone he loves being hurt was what he needed to fight it was my stupid idea to untie him thinking he would be so traumatized he wouldn't fight...he did he knocked me down and beat me with my own gun. But Damion went after him he escaped into the woods and Damion chased him. _

_He lost Damion and came back for his sister but by then I was just coming to he never saw me but the girl did..._

_I shot him twice once through the brain and once through his back..._

_By then the police were there she had called them..._

_They didn't deserve what I did god I am so sorry_

_You didn't care then Sam did you?_

_Why do you care now?_

_I'm ashamed okay Jade! I never want any kid to feel what I feel and I caused that!_

_You put them in a place where they were below you and that they better remember it or you would kill them.._

_I know that now I see it now I feel it but I didn't then ...I didn't know how to feel it no one showed me.. no one took the time not till you guys.._

_Let this be with you Sam always you can't hide in your child-hood forever its time to grow up and take responsibility were here to help but we can't do it for you..You have to see your patterns and own them.. You didn't get love from your mom so you turned to your dad but he was in love with his gang so you joined a gang instant family equals love ,respect ._

_Then your dad left so your mom turned to you she became dependent on you and you turned to the streets._

_Things are going to be different now Sam you have to be your parent you have to make the right choices cause there are no more chances you screw up you go to the pen. Don't let the past define you people can move past it and be a better person you don't have to follow in your mom's footsteps or your dad's be your own footprints in the sand leave the ones that you want your son to follow. You can get out and start over if you learn from what were teaching you open your heart and embrace it , you may not remember everything we discussed here but you will remember what a rape a kidnapping and what abuse does to someone and you will remember the pain and how it feels and how you never want to be the one who causes that pain to anyone ever again. _

_Your parents brought you into this world but for whatever reasons you were left to Make it in America by yourselves but you can all do it everyone of you if you want to._

_Her name is Cat Sam she's my girlfriend..._

I swallowed as I looked in Jade's pain filled eyes her eyes alone would make me always remember..

_She blames herself for what happened to me it's not fair because of what you did she blames herself for me falling...I love her and I never want her to feel that way...it's not her fault I made the choices._

_I did the crimes...all she ever did was love me..._

_Please remember no one should ever have to live with the pain she has to live with she was innocent and she loves purely even after what you and that kid did._

We got up and looked at each other shyly before we threw our arms around each other crying openly.


	35. Chapter 34 Panel

**The Prey Becomes the Predator**

**Sam's p o v**

_I got out when I was ten and I was hard core by then no I learned quickly that if you don't watch your back someone gonna get you and I was never gonna be gotten by anyone ever again. While I was locked up I learned a lot. I read, I learned about child right laws and I made sure my mom knew that if she ever touched me. I would send her ass straight to jail for child abuse . I was bigger and tougher and meaner and she knew I was dead serious so she did a 180 instead of threatening me she used me to pass drugs off and to get guys to come here... _

_We started smoking and drinking together I was Initiated into the gang when I was 10. I went to this boys home he was 15 he was a blood and I looked him straight in the eyes and in front of his momma I shot him dead then I shot her to and I shot up the house …_

_His name was Te-Sahn and I killed him in cold blood then I pissed on his face and stole all the chiz I could get my hands on me and my crew wrecked that house in no time._

I watched Carly's face I saw the look in her eyes she knew the kid big shocker "not" she was a blood but it did something to me it's easy to look at your enemies and only see the color and never have to put a face or a name to them well I always prided myself on knowing names and faces cause it gave me more power to look someone in their eyes and call to them by names to me it showed I had no problem killing you no matter who you are I just don't care.

Yet when it came to their loved ones that's where it gets me to look someone in their eyes and say to them yea it was me I killed your homeboy that's when its real man cause I know what that's like to lose someone you love that pain is forever and to know I caused that blood or not well there's no going back .

_Go on Sam keep telling it's your life story it's your crime story.._

_Thanks Carly_

She swallowed as she nodded..I took a deep breath as Jade handed me some water I swallowed and went on.

_I became a leader in the young crip set I was always planning robberies and murders. I was in charge of recruiting and initiation of young wannabes and testing them out_ _will they real or fronting._

_I was sick of being the prey so I bulked up and got tough no one was going to mess with me and they knew it. I earned the nickname McCurdles cause that's what I would do to you if you crossed me I would curdle you up into a ball of snot and your own blood and piss._

_I didn't care how old you were how big you were or who you were repping for if you crossed me you died simple as that. I spent years going in and out of Juvie for petty things stealing cars throwing gang signs running away defacing property fighting drugs you name it._

_I didn't attend school but I learned how to read and write by taggin and by listing to older members._

_I pretty much lived at McDonald's that was our hangout and that's where I met my target for my biggest challenge._

_I was leading this 14 year old boy Damion into his initiation he was hard core his older brothers were members his father was in jail for multiple murders with us. I use to bang with his dad so I took his membership personal he wanted to prove he could roll with us so I made it a big one._

_We hung around schools till we found our target.._

_He was a young rich white kid who was the popular smart good looking boy we knew his family had money and we knew they would pay for him._

_So I started getting his attention smiling looking pretty hanging by him till he noticed me we talked and flirted then he asked me out we dated for a few weeks before we made our moves._

_Damion told him I wanted to meet him in private said I had a surprise for him he lead him to a car which he had stolen once he was inside Damion got behind the wheel and drove him to the cabin I was in._

_Then he knocked him out I tied him up...Damion and I spent weeks tormenting him and raping him beating him... starving him. I molested him and made him cry stripping him naked as I played with him making him beg for mercy as Damion taped it all...Then I would make him touch me and kiss me I would force him inside of myself and make him have sex with me till he was limp then I would beat him.. Damion would sodomize him and play with him.._

_Damion's the one who thought about bringing the kids sister into the mix so we went to the school and started leaving messages and clues for her and she figured it out when she got there I saw in Damion's eyes that this had become his mission he knocked her out I shot her up with LSD his idea.. then he tied her up and raped her over and over again .. All the while he was raping her something inside of me stirred I didn't know what it was.. I never had this experience before usually sex was nothing to me something I had to do to survive not something of pleasure._

_This time it was different I felt I didn't know how to explain it at that moment ..Excited...isn't a good word._

_Were you aroused Sam? _

I looked over at Alicia who had asked the question I thought about it carefully watching as Jade clenched her fist glaring at me.

_Maybe that's a good way to say it I felt pleasured she was laying there naked her skin was the most beautiful peach color. I had ever seen she looked so soft and delicious. She had just a touch of blush and a little shiny lip gloss making her look so young and innocent, I could see her freshly shaven... well you know..._

_No Sam we don't you need to say the words..._

I pounded a fist into a open palm as I looked at Ashlee who had spoken .

_Her freshly shaven private...her vagina.. her legs were spread so wide she was so wet covered in blood and semen and I don't know what else .._

_I could feel a tightness in my lower area forming and I never had that ever but while I watched him push in her and pull out I felt myself growing hard in my nipples. I was starting to feel myself get wet and so tight too tight I had to do something I was going insane so I did the only thing I knew how I slipped my own fingers inside of myself rubbing myself I felt tight in my chest ...When Damion was done. I made him go outside to release himself he was pissed but the less evidence on her the better..When he left I got undressed and went over I started kissing her all over her face lips neck her lovely breasts oh my god they were so plump small but amazing they tasted sweet and salty._

_I started rubbing my body against hers feeling her heat from below as our privates rubbed together my body seemed to respond to her touch my nipples were so hard they hurt. I moved my mouth over her private tasting her sweet juices as my tongue moved in and out of her while I moved her fingers in and out of me my whole body heated up as I started moaning. I never moaned before ever during sex, I was racked with pleasure I had no idea why...then all of a sudden my body went stiff and I trembled ..and wet stuff shot out of me over and over as I moaned..._

_You had your first orgasm Sam didn't you?_

Carly asked me with a smile I nodded.

_How did you feel?_

_Frightened , Confused_

_Why frightened Sam?_

_Cause it made me realize that how I felt my whole life wasn't just because sex was used as a weapon or as control it made me get that I was different I wasn't like most girls who loved having sex with boys.. it made me see that I didn't like boys..I was attracted to girls.. _

_The feeling I got from being with her though from being near someone so beautiful and innocent that made me feel Happy, relaxed . _

I jumped as Jade jumped up leaping at me as she yelled out at me trying to choke me.

_Sick freak!_

_Stop Fronting Sam you say you wanna change then change already_

_What do you think I am trying to do Jade!_

I was charged up I had never hit a pregnant girl before but dam she was pushing me.

_Your hiding your talking like it's a dream not reality_

_What the hell do you mean Jade?_

_They have names Sam use their fucking names they aren't " That boy or That girl"_

Monet stepped in the middle as I stood my ground she gently put her hand on Jade's shoulder looking her in the eyes she was beat red and breathing heavy holding her very extended stomach fists ready to knock me out .

_Jade it's Monet please calm down your baby needs you stress is no good for you please keep calm_

_I know it's hard but Sam needs to tell her story you had your turn let her go.._

_I wanna hear her say her name! _

_Admitting what you did is one step admitting your victims have names families who love them that's another make it real..._

I blinked getting more and more uncomfortable Monet had signaled for a medic Jade was having a panic attack.

Trying to control my breathing I wondered why she needed me to say it we both knew who it was what would it change? I already knew what I did was wrong was saying her name going to make me feel different?

_Say it SAM! SAY her Name!_

Liz looked at me as I swallowed looking around she approached me I had mixed feelings about her she's the one who locked me up who painted me out as a monster to the court . Why was she here now? Why did she care? She cleared her throat as she talked to me softly.

_Sam you want to rebuild your life you want a second chance you must own what you did _

_Stop being the victim Sam be the adult you were the one who victimized this time _

_They were the victims they have names feelings lives say it_

_Sam what happened to you was awful it was unforgivable but its not about the abuse you suffered anymore its about how you learned how to respond to the abuse that's what were seeking treatment here for._

_Empathy Sam that's what were looking for you can't front it when you were torturing these kids what did you feel?_

I paced as I tried to control everything swirling through my head what was I feeling? My chest hurt as I remembered those days that we were in the cabin the look on their faces. Their cries and pleads I recalled all the days I was younger and how I use to cry and plead and no one answered me no one came to help. Now I was the one in control.

_Powerful and justified _

Liz asked me point blank her expression hard penetrating through me.

_Why Sam why did you feel that way?_

_Because it was done to me and no one cared no one helped me I was tired of being used so I was doing the using.._

_So what your saying is that since no one cared for you why should you care for someone else?_

_Yes Liz that's what I am saying I shut down I stopped feeling I made myself hard cause I had to survive_

_No Sam what you are saying in fact is_

_I am going to fight whatever you say cause its easier then facing the truth_

_What truth is that Liz?_

_That you became everything you hated_

_You became your mother cold and uncaring and unfeeling what you tried so hard to separate yourself from what you really did was run to it._

_Bullshit_

_No Sam its not B.S you beat people up you shot people you banged cause it was an escape you didn't have to go to school and face the teachers who gave up on you you didn't have to face doing the work you didn't have to face your mother you hid behind the gang and the color._

_You claimed to be tough but really you were weak and you hate being weak it symbolizes everything you hate_

_Life wasn't fair to you so why be fair to anyone else?_

_Yes no one stopped mom from beating me selling me why should I care if I hurt someones else_

I challenged the group but Jade challenged back as she breathed in the oxygen mask they made her wear.

_Cause they were innocent kids just like you were when you were victimized Sam can't you see that?_

_You took your anger and you inflicted it on anyone and everyone else_

_Just like I did with my dad …_

_What's your thinking error Sam think hard _

I went over the conversation in my head which was swimming and pounding my neck was tight I was sweating and breathing hard.

_Feeling special_

I reply softly after a long time of silence

_I had no control over what happened to me as a child but I had control over what I did to others _

Jade glared at me but her gaze softened as she replied to me..

_Your parents took away your child-hood Sam so you took away your victims childhoods they took your innocence and your trust and threw it away you returned it ten fold_

_You start thinking why me _

_What did I do why doesn't anyone love me enough to be there for me to protect me and make me feel special._

_What's wrong with me? You didn't have a mom she cared only for her own self-fish needs your dad was never really a dad_

_My dad loved me shut-up_

_No Sam you shut-up you look at the facts if your dad loved you he would of made sure your mom never touched you he would of made you go to school do your homework he would of never let you near a gang or drugs or alcohol .._

_So you start to think well screw everyone else I gotta be there for myself and only me_

_By doing so you took away any chance you had of being saved "that boy" cared for you and you betrayed him you hurt him you chose anger and disgust and revenge. You made Cat and Randy feel all those things.._

_I'm Sorry Catrina Cat is reserved for her family and friends_

_You made Catrina feel all that fear you made Randy afraid for his life and for his sisters.._

I didn't even realize I was crying at first till Carly was holding me as I rocked back and forth I saw Cat laying there begging me to let her go begging me to let her brother go offering herself for his freedom and him doing the exact same thing.

_They loved each other they would of done anything for each other Mel left me she never looked back after all I did for her all the beatings I took the yelling name calling I protected her and she left and never looked back.._

_I forced the boy to watch he was trying desperately to help her he was stronger then I imagined._

_I guess watching someone he loves being hurt was what he needed to fight it was my stupid idea to untie him thinking he would be so traumatized he wouldn't fight...he did he knocked me down and beat me with my own gun. But Damion went after him he escaped into the woods and Damion chased him. _

_He lost Damion and came back for his sister but by then I was just coming to he never saw me but the girl did..._

_I shot him twice once through the brain and once through his back..._

_By then the police were there she had called them..._

_They didn't deserve what I did god I am so sorry_

_You didn't care then Sam did you?_

_Why do you care now?_

_I'm ashamed okay Jade! I never want any kid to feel what I feel and I caused that!_

_You put them in a place where they were below you and that they better remember it or you would kill them.._

_I know that now I see it now I feel it but I didn't then ...I didn't know how to feel it no one showed me.. no one took the time not till you guys.._

_Let this be with you Sam always you can't hide in your child-hood forever its time to grow up and take responsibility were here to help but we can't do it for you..You have to see your patterns and own them.. You didn't get love from your mom so you turned to your dad but he was in love with his gang so you joined a gang instant family equals love ,respect ._

_Then your dad left so your mom turned to you she became dependent on you and you turned to the streets._

_Things are going to be different now Sam you have to be your parent you have to make the right choices cause there are no more chances you screw up you go to the pen. Don't let the past define you people can move past it and be a better person you don't have to follow in your mom's footsteps or your dad's be your own footprints in the sand leave the ones that you want your son to follow. You can get out and start over if you learn from what were teaching you open your heart and embrace it , you may not remember everything we discussed here but you will remember what a rape a kidnapping and what abuse does to someone and you will remember the pain and how it feels and how you never want to be the one who causes that pain to anyone ever again. _

_Your parents brought you into this world but for whatever reasons you were left to Make it in America by yourselves but you can all do it everyone of you if you want to._

_Her name is Cat Sam she's my girlfriend..._

I swallowed as I looked in Jade's pain filled eyes her eyes alone would make me always remember..

_She blames herself for what happened to me it's not fair because of what you did she blames herself for me falling...I love her and I never want her to feel that way...it's not her fault I made the choices._

_I did the crimes...all she ever did was love me..._

_Please remember no one should ever have to live with the pain she has to live with she was innocent and she loves purely even after what you and that kid did._

We got up and looked at each other shyly before we threw our arms around each other crying openly.


	36. Chapter 35 Birth

**Birth**

**Cat's p. o .v**

" _Push Jade Push!_

_What do You think I am doing Robbie?_

Jade's screams filled the room as her face twisted in pain . I stroked her hair as she groaned breathing in and out heavily screaming non-stop. I helped hold her up as she pushed while five nurse's were surrounding her. One watching vitals two standing by her legs watching for the baby. Her doctor Dr. Meyers was sitting in between her legs hands inside of her feeling for the baby as Jade screamed her throat almost raw as tears poured down her face. My voice was soft and gentle but firm as I encouraged her

_Your almost there Jade you can do this.._

_No I can't cat it hurts ah oh my god it hurts so bad_

_Baby you can do this just relax and breathe like the coach showed us_

_one..two..exhale..three..exhale..._

I ran my hand through her hair as I helped her sit up her back was sore and swollen she grunted as she did what Dr. Meyers who was sitting between her legs instructed her to do. Tori was running a cold compressor over Jade's face and forehead as she screamed pushing and breathing hard.

My left hand held her hand as she squeezed it freely.

_My head hurts so bad..._

The contraction ended as I helped her lay back on the pillow Robbie carefully fluffed them for her as Tori handed her some ice chips.

Her voice was sore and almost gone from the 16 hours of labor she could barely cough without it hurting like a wild fire.

_Everything hurts so bad Cat everything why do women do this willingly?_

We chuckled a little as one of the nurses answered ..

_Cause you only remember the pain for a little while but the reward is the most beautiful gift you'll ever receive._

The nurses were spread around the room two monitoring the equipment two in between her legs helping the doctor one by Jade's right side with the machines keeping track of her vitals.

Jade turned to me smiling as she whispered..

_I already have the most beautiful gift Cat_

I leaned down giggling as our noses touched and I kissed her softly but deep on her lips which were dry but tasted like blueberries.

She couldn't talk anymore so Tori fed her some ice chips as Beck rubbed her shoulders and back Jade moaned softly as Beck was gentle with her sore body.

She did mange to turn to Tori and smile a thanks as she slipped the spoon in between Jade's lips.

_Nausea Cat.. so nausea …_

_I have the basin here babe just give me the clue..._

_Deep breath Jade keep breathing deep and exhaling slowly _

Trina suggested as she rubbed her legs the which were shaking from being held up for so long Trina had taken to holding her left as Tori held her right.

_God I hate sweating uh its so gross_

Beck arched an eyebrow at me as we both giggled knowing full well Jade sweats when it comes to sex.

_Oh god another contraction Cat help me_

_Oh gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddd!_

Her screams were getting louder and more desperate the tears were coming in full strength as she gasped and pushed groaning squeezing my hand hard and constant. I tried to will power all my energy into her seeing her in so much pain killed me but the act of giving birth while messy was frigging beautiful.

Robbie's face went pale as I heard a popping sound and Jade cried out in exasperation and exhausting Robbie's voice stuttered as he stepped back not looking so good.

_Oh my that's a lot of blood_

His eyes rolled back as Beck laughed muttering wimp as he pulled him away from the action.

_Don't faint Robbie boy_

Tori and I kept trying to encourage her as she pushed and panted groaning.

_One more push Jade I'm seeing the head emerging _

Dr. Meyers said Jade rolled her eyes shaking her head mouthing No she couldn't do it ...Tori and I wouldn't let up kissing her head and rubbing her hands as she cried fully .

_I can't I just can't it hurts too bad I'm sick of hurting please take me for a c-section please stop hurting me_

_Jade sweetie it's too late for a c-section the baby's here you just need a few more pushes _

_Cat I can't please I ...oh my god!_

Ear piercing screams echoed off the wall as Tori's face twisted in the same pain I was feeling as Jade squeezed our hands so tight they turned purple.

_Almost there Jade Push strong and hard breath deep_

_In and out listen to momma Trina in and out relax push hard breathe in and out_

I let my own tears fall as I watched her struggling part of me wanted to be down between her legs watching as our child was being born but the other part of me was scared I didn't like blood and I knew Jade was already mortified so many people were watching.

_Push come on Jade keep pushing the heads coming out.. keep going girl almost the..._

Before Dr. Meyers was done talking a cry rung out ..

_Heads out keeping pushing Jade!_

Robbie's eyes were wide as he stared at Jade's lower part as the head came out... His words were slurred as he said..

_oh..holy..my..wow...cows..fly...pigs...gank...blood..._

_Thump..._

Robbie's last sound as he hit the floor...

Beck looked at him then looked back to Jade's legs as she screamed pushing. Tori Trina and I all talking to her fast and encouraging as we squeezed her hands. Beck sounded a little more steady as he grinned brushing his hair back.

_Beautiful Jade wow that's a beautiful thing..._

Then Beck was down...

Dr. Meyers looked at those of us left as she said..

_Who's catching the baby now it was suppose to be the tough looking dude_

_I'll catch the baby Dr. Meyers_

_Long and hard Jade and that will be..._

Another cry rung out as Jade grunted and moaned long and hard the cry got louder and louder and stayed as blood shot out spurring all over the place .. Dr. Meyers called out as the baby slipped out.

_Suction Monica Suction the baby's here_

_Congrats everyone it's a girl!_

Jade's first words as she fell back on the pillows and bed were.

_Oh my god it's over thank you!_

Her whole body was shaking as she closed her eyed breathing deep and ragged.

I ran my hands over her sore legs and private part trying to massage her and relax her..

Andre then lifted up our beautiful baby girl barely in the world 3 minutes and already screaming her lungs off saying look at me!

Dr. Meyers addressed Andre as he spoke.

_Wanna cut the cord young man? Do the honors?_

_Cat wanna help me? Be the first to help your daughter Make It In America?_

I looked at Jade she nodded weakly very weakly as I leaned down and got a small kiss on my lips from her.

Nodding I got up squeezing her hand and went to join Andre together we cut the cord I felt a little uneasy from all the blood but when I looked at our beautiful baby it all seemed far away.

The nurses took her to check her out as we sat by Jade who's eyes remained closed breathing heavy.

After a few minutes one of the Rn's Susan came over grinning holding our daughter...

_Congrats your daughter is perfectly healthy weighing 9 lbs 6 ounces and is 22 inches long._

_Were going to clean her up and will have her in here for you shortly_

Jade was shaking so violently I was staring to get very worried. Tori Andre and I were holding her as she cried. One of the Rn's checking her vitals whispered to another. Then they turned to us.

_She lost a lot of blood were calling for a transfusion she's having a bit of a shock but she'll be okay lets get her cleaned up a little bit and cover her up try to get some warmth back into her._

_Do we have a name picked out for this brave little girl?_

Colleen one of the Rn's asked us. We looked at Jade who was half with us she smiled weakly Trina held a water cup so she could sip some water and wetting her throat Jade whispered to us.

_America Andrea Valentine_

I smiled at how she was using my last name.

_Keep breathing sweetie you did it and you did it amazing_

_No..Cat..._

She whispered again as she kissed me leaning her forehead against mine and letting it linger.

_WE did it...Together_

_We all did it guys all of us.._Tori replied as she leaned over her right shoulder to kiss Andre.

Jade closed her eyes her breathing easing up as they slipped a oxygen mask over her face.

None of what lay ahead would be easy I knew it but I had little fear after all we had already survived so much more then normal 16 year old girls.

Yet here we all were we beat the odds..Jade was free..After she completed RHOTY the judge found her not guilty by reasons of insanity due to her post traumatic stress breakdown. She has to go to court ordered therapy twice a week and anger management three times a week. She has to have weekly drug testing and alcohol testing and is subject to surprise testings.

Her dad was arrested and found guilty of child molestation 24 counts of rape of a minor child he's serving a life sentence.

Jade lives with my dad, Randy and I now.

As far as Sam is concerned I can't say I am at peace with everything. I can say I have grown up and see there's more to it then what I once knew. Sam made some awful choices but she wasn't the only one people around her people she intrusted to take care of her love her and provide for her all screwed up and when that happened not only did Sam suffer but so did those who she hurt.

She did some horrible things when she was young but now she see's why and how she did them and what the biggest problem was ..herself and now she's working hard to change that.

I wasn't the only one the judge saw it to the same one who once gave up on her and sent her to the pen five years prior.

She was impressed so much so she lifted Sam's sentence she gave her ten years of probation she has to report to her P.O every week and have weekly drug and alcohol testing she's on a ankle monitor for five years . She can't be around young kids for two years and she must register as a sex offender for five years. She has weekly therapy and anger management classes and community service. She's attending college she wants to be a juvenile social worker so she can help kids before the venture down the path she did. She has to live in a court approved housing it's like a after care for inmates she has rules she has to follow there and there are people who are making sure she is following them.

Yet she pays her own rent and provides her own food and apartment needs all they do is make sure she's not a danger to society or herself she'll have to do that for two years and then face a communtiy to see if they feel she can truly be on her own.

She's not allowed on the web for five years unless she's monitored by a court appointed supervisor.

She violates and she's locked up.

Carly... Well she wasn't so lucky while the judge was impressed by Sam she was disgusted by Carly.

The judge claimed Carly was what Society feared most a kid from a wealthy back round with everything going for her. One who instead of chosen to do something positive with her advantages instead turned into a monster. As far as the Ca law is concerned when Carly made the choice to participate in the robbery she became a murder when the gun killed Officer Vega she's as guilty as the one who pulled the trigger if not more so cause she could of stopped it she didn't.

She got 25 years with no possibility for parole.. Sam moved closer to where Carly's being held San Quentin Ca. She visits every weekend while working at a auto repair shop to save for classes.

Life works in mysterious ways you can't predict it or change it..you just gotta roll with it and do your best to Make it in America.


End file.
